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Bhong B. Martinez

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Of Life, Books and Farts
by Bhong B. Martinez   

Last edited: Thursday, October 24, 2002
Posted: Thursday, October 24, 2002

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Funny how one can over-look some of the weird facts and sketches of life...i've found my observation quiet splendidly true over looking some place in Batangas!


I am writing this over-looking at the bluest of blue of the Eaglepoint’s beach.

The crisp scent of the freshly warm breeze of the morning air caught my hair frenetically. I have not a bit of an idea why on earth I am here or what on my sickest mind am I gonna do here.

Alone on the cottage. I should be out there with all of my officemates enjoying the sun, as I am sure as hell they would say. But of all buts…No. I’d rather stay here and do my writing, put everything that comes to my polluted mind into pen.

Last night, after reading a good book (title withheld for some selfish reason!) by a writer whom life’s been patterned into mine (Hey, whattt?!!!…okay, okay, actually mine’s somewhat patterned to hers!!!) I had a good breathe. I thought I was the only peculiar being ever comes alive in my generation. I was not. She made me see and realized that everything I’ve gone thru and will go thru are stages that someday when I’ll look back will not only paint a smile on my face but will likewise give me a mural of laughters. So amidst the fluctuating bulb lights inside our semi-airconditioned room, I tried aimlessly to put an end to her book. Hers was like a matter-of-factly chronicle of one’s life all rolled into one. The kind that would make you hug the book and release your sighest of sighs…I crawled into bed after delighted.

Yet like every pages of a book, my night can’t be as perfectly manicured as my toenails. Arrggg (what a comparison!!!)!!!! One hell of a pitch-black scenery. No, it’s not the doomsday, neither it’s the Mount Pinatubo eruption…Blackout…yes, it is!!! I wanted to ignore it; the spirit is willing but the queasy feeling isnt. I got up, cussed and pulled the futon outside the terrace in the middle of the star-less and air-less night. I cared not whether the place is full of uninvited entities…I bit my tongue not to sing “The uninvited” of Alanis Morissete. My entire mind is telling me then not to sleep. Hey, gimme some sleep!!! I yelled. Oops, I almost wake the girls up whose sleeping inside the four nooks. I though I could sleep despite the sticky dry feeling enveloping my getting bigger body. But my friends Cecille and Lilian, the Solteras (they have every reason why they chose to be singles, but I believe nature’s been telling them to “Get Laid”… or I might follow their footsteps someday, which I fervently hope not…then again, who knows… but that would have to be on my other writings!) followed my ever so clever ideas and Alas! Three of us trying to fit in that small portion of the terrace and hoping to get that wandering sleep.

In times like these, when you’re hovering between the reality of being caught in a Jurassic situation and heavy setting of eyes what must you do? Relax, meditate and tell your getting cuckoo mind to sleep. Nothing else. But I couldn’t, my mind, body and soul wouldn’t cooperate, but my eyes I must tell you is a different story, it shuts unmindful if the other system won’t cooperate. Talk about selfishness. Besides, if anyone would be on my shoes that time, would have the same dilemma… just cant sleep. How can I, when the two solteras’ getting the best of their time laughing about their FARTS. Yes, the deadly as a nuclear bomb kind of human gas. One farted for three times, puckish but wild everytime each explodes. The other one wanted to but her’s wouldn’t even cooperate, even telling us that maybe it’ll coax her fart to come out if she’ll adjust her t-back bikini (the ass-floss!!!) sort of giving vent to the killer gas nice airway passage, after several attempts…a complete failure. I couldn’t get a grip of myself from too much laughing, imagine, how people can find something funny to laugh about even in the most awkward of times? I guess, life really is not something made up of nice praises, easy-living and beautiful anecdotes. Life is like Karen’s book. Full of different characters, interesting stages, bumpy roads, curves and turns, sad and happy moments, enigmatic yet fulfilling. Looking back, mine’s like that – a book. Others find it amusing, interesting, maybe dull or even boring but probably they just had a taste of the synopsis for mine’s something that have to be read thoroughly. No wild guess. Cover to cover.

To the Soltera girls, thanks for making our thinning night something wacky yet worthy of remembering. I had a good and honest laugh. Despite the infuriating blackout and the hot-greasy feeling. Picture this our farts having the same conversation like we did…yes, I dreamt about it…Aieee!!!

Eaglepoint, Batangas
May 19, 2001

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Reviewed by Lai 11/27/2002
...last summer outing 2gether. i wonder who did first? Hahaha!

t-backly ur's,
Reviewed by kwin 10/30/2002

hehehe....i remember that night also... nways, galing mo b!

Reviewed by b f 10/28/2002
nice, light read :) miss ya bhongers!

flatulently yours (whatever),
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