From Nightmares to Forgiveness
by Shari Lu Smith
Rated "G" by the Author.
edited: Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Posted: Wednesday, August 12, 2009
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The aftermath of leaving an abuser isn't as easy as one would think. Nightmares and night trauma's occur. So how does a person get over it and become a happier individual?
With a yawn, Jillian set her pen and paper aside on the top of the nightstand next to her bed. It had been a long day and after she had penned her thoughts down to have ready to transfer to her computer in the morning, she was ready to call it a night. She hoped and prayed she would finally have a peaceful sleep instead of being thrown into the constant nightmares that had plagued and tortured her for many years. She was weary mentally and physically tired all of the time, but she continued to keep on going everyday until every ounce of her energy had depleted it’s supply from her body.
The nightmares were ones where she couldn’t recall the events, but she would awaken enough to feel herself shaking as she would be lying there in her bed, drenched in a pool of sweat. Some nights, she would tremble violently as her insides would be quivering while her heart pounded uncontrollably with a force only she could hear ringing in her ears. She couldn’t figure out what caused these night time trauma’s, not after all of this time.
It had been many years since she escaped from the one who had held her prisoner through physical and mental abuse, but she figured with time, all of the horrible events would eventually bury themselves in the corners of her mind to be lost in a pile of dust.
As she laid down, she prayed earnestly for the ability to just let go and let herself heal.
“Count your blessings,” a small voice whispered in the back of her mind.
Jillian began thinking of how, even the simple things she had in her life were a blessing. From her children’s smiles to a roof over their heads, reliable transportation and all of the basic needs for living, she smiled. “Thank you Lord for Your gifts,” she prayed aloud with all sincerity. That night, she slept like a baby…
When an individual leaves an abusive relationship, sometimes going through the nightmares and night trauma’s afterwards is worse than the suffering that had already gone on. So many people return to the one who cast the first stone against them, due to the grip of mental abuse. The nightmares play an equal fact in this too.
If the individual can learn to recognize just how much of a victim they are still, (even after leaving,) then the healing process can start. I learned this after a long while of all of my nightmares, night trauma’s, looking over my shoulder and jumping at loud sounds. I thought I had freed myself of him, (and physically leaving, I did,) but sadly, he still held me prisoner of his abuse through the mental aspect. I just couldn’t give him the satisfaction any longer of having that kind of a hold on me.
God made me and put me here on this earth to grow and learn. My grandfather always told me, “if you don’t remember anything else in your life, always remember, experience is your best teacher.” I’ve remembered and have used every event as a learning lesson. Grandpa taught me that, and now God has taught me, strength leads to courage and courage leads to forgiveness… © BY ABIGAIL LURAE 2009 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED