FLIRTATION WITH DEATH
edited: Saturday, January 01, 2011
By George E. Albitz
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Saturday, January 01, 2011
Become a Fan
Little do we realize how many near death predicaments we come in close proximity to throughout our lives…I just had one.
To any skeptics out there, let me assure you this is not being written post-mortem.
Although my TrailBlazer registration was good for another month I decided to change my license plate sticker since it was a beautiful day and I had the new one in my possession due to an early reorder. Little did I know what I was about to get into?
Usually when I change the sticker I ignore the instructions that say to remove/scrape off the old sticker before adding the new. I’ve always just stick the new one over the old and never had a problem.
This time would be no different, except it was.
It seems that when I purchased my new vehicle, the “Dealer Dudes,” who/whom took care of my plates went by the rules and scraped off the old sticker before sticking on the new. When I went to add mine I could see the old one was “not right?” I decided to follow the instructions and scrape it off. It came off easily, although in pieces, and I was glad I decided not to put the new one over it.
There seemed to be some kind of residue left behind, (which I suppose is the definition of residue.)
I tried to rub/clean/wipe/scour/scrape it off with very little success. The entire sticker area was in a little recession on the plate making it difficult to get to. I decide to just put on the new sticker and quit wasting time. The sticker fell off!
Are you kidding me? I’ve NEVER had a sticker fall off! The adhesive is a bond like crazy glue! It’s the main reason I never try to scrape them off. But this one didn’t stick at all. It actually fell to the ground. I picked it up and it had dirt sticking to it.
What was I to do? My old sticker was scrapped to bits and my new one was unstickable. Visions of police raced through my mind as I pictured them in hot pursuit of my unstickered vehicle. I had to do something.
Kmart was at the bottom of the hill, but not within walking distance, especially with my new hip still healing.
“I COULD BUY GLUE THERE,” and maybe even on sale due to the after holiday specials. I decided to take a chance and drive down without a sticker.
When I got there I buried myself in the parking lot amongst a bunch of other cars. I knew I had to hurry cause with my luck everyone around me would come back and take off leaving my vehicle, without a sticker, standing alone visible to the world.
I can never find things in Kmart, I don’t know why. But I somehow stumbled into the stationary department with my eyes fixed on two tubes of glue on a shelf. One was Crazy Glue, the other Super Glue. What a dilemma!
Which was better? Neither said anything about being waterproof or being on sale. I wanted to be sure I was getting the best. After all if the sticker fell off I would never know and never be able to replace it. I looked at one then the other. I needed more options.
Roaming around I soon found the hardware department and an aisle labeled Adhesives. “AHA!”
There were more tubes of Crazy and Super Glue, along with Gorilla Glue and others. Some were like twenty-nine dollars, which seemed a bit much for a one-inch square license plate sticker.
Actually they were all kind of expensive, so I went back to the stationary shelf and grabbed the last package of Super Glue. I was pretty sure it would do the trick.
There were no tickets on my windshield, and just to be safe, I went up the hill the back way.
I never used much glue, but I knew one thing, Crazy Glue is Crazy and Super Glue is Super. Careful would be the key word.
I sanded the area of the old sticker and cleaned it as best I could. It seemed to be pretty dry and smooth. I had all I needed gathered together in close proximity, the license plate, the sticker, and the glue.
The glue was a neat setup. After ripping/tearing it hysterically out of its wrapper I followed the instructions and screwed the cap onto the threads, which punctured the tube.
Then I gently turned a second part of the cap counter-clockwise, which started the flow. I observed the flow and found it to be controllable. I’ve heard of idiots gluing themselves and wondered how that were possible for someone who/whom knew what they were doing, such as myself.
To be sure of complete coverage I put a few drops directly on the plate then picked up the sticker and drew a small X across it with the glue, “EASY!”
Then I gently and carefully placed it over the plate into position. The instructions said to press firmly for thirty seconds after applying. I started to press and felt something wet!
GREAT GOOGLIE MOOGLIE! How the heck did the glue get out? I didn’t put any near the edges.
Forget about how, it was there, on the tip of my finger pressing on the sticker. My whole life passed before me as I envisioned being stuck to my Trailblazer for life. Who would help me? Who would care? None of my neighbors, after all it was New Years Eve, they were all off to parties. I don’t do well without food and water. I wouldn’t last the night. I’d be the first tragic death of the New Year! Famous, but dead!
I pulled as hard as I could. My adrenaline must have peaked, or the adhesive had not set enough, for I was just able to free myself a mere second or two before total adhesion. “SAVED!”
If this had happened one day later I would be shaking in my boots with the belief that the entire New Year would cast similar perils my way. But it didn’t. It happened on the last day of a terrible year, so I am free to go into this year with hope for the best…and a small patch of glue on the tip of my finger.