Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!


Featured Authors:  Richard Rydon, iSteven Ulmen, iLannah Sawers-Diggins, iellen george, iJennifer Miller, iLloydene Hill, iGeorge Cunningham, i

  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

D. Earl Kelly

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Books
· Articles
· Stories
· 61 Titles
· 52 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
Member Since: Nov, 2009

D. Earl Kelly, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.

Featured Book
Beside Still Waters
by Jill Eisnaugle

Each person is but a grain of sand resting beside the sea. This thought sets the tone for Jill Eisnaugle’s latest poetry collection, Beside Still Waters...  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members

Bad Pig! Bad Pig!
by D. Earl Kelly   
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last edited: Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Posted: Tuesday, June 08, 2010

  Print   Save    Follow    Share 

Recent articles by
D. Earl Kelly

Whack The Wookie
Doobie Dom Doobie
Inlaws and Outlaws
Alcohol and Leather Chaps
Pork Skins and Cheese Whiz
Soup Bones and Hippos
           >> View all

Weren't things better when the mafia was in charge of concrete?

Hey, try to catch me this Thursday.  I'll be performing at Luke's Liquor Barn and Day Care Center.  Are your kids rowdy?  Out of control?  Luke is here to help.  A double-shot of his special blend and your offspring will be as calm as a sloth on Xanax infusion in no time.  Almost brain dead, in fact.  Kind of reminds me of my senior prom.  I was dating Dora at the time.  She was a poodle pruner from Pasadena and part time pig paddler.  Bad pig!  Bad pig!

And now for some news:

Well, President Calderone of Mexico spoke to Congress and said he was absolutely against the new Arizona immigration law.  Of course, he got a standing ovation from those elected officials who, like himself, haven't read the bill and don't want to.  Why try to understand a dangerous situation when we can more easily sell out to any third rate leader with a bone to pick.  Agree with the bill or not but it's our business to deal with.  Not the leader of a country with more human rights violations than a jihadist secretarial pool.  Here's an idea.  Let's adopt Mexico's immigration policy.  Wouldn't that be a hoot?  But, El Presidente has his own reasons for playing the one-way border control card.  "Be it ever so humble, there's nothing quite like your house".

And like Mexico's El Presidente, Paul McCartney took a shot at President Bush while accepting an award which leads me to ask, why can't folks just accept an honor anymore.  Just say, "thank you" and leave?  Of course, a lot of people smash George.  He's an easy target.  But, I have a particular problem with McCartney.  One thing I would never do is visit someone's country (their home) and slam their leaders or their policies while standing on their soil.  I'm just an old, west Texas country boy with hardly any class at all.  But even I have more class than to do that.  Where's yours, Sir Paul?

Oil is still gushing into the gulf.  BP says it's due to a faulty cementing job during construction.  Things were so much better when the mafia controlled that.  "You get a leak, I breaka you face."

I went for my weekly appointment with my psychiatrist, Dr. Demonic.  It was "Panty Hose Thursday".  What a strange man.  But, it's better than, "Bring a Sheep To Work Tuesday".  I don't care what he says, I'm not cleanin' that up.

The doctor said that therapy for me is like playing a kazoo in a philharmonic orchestra.  Who cares?  So, I dressed him in high heels and a girl scout uniform while he was asleep.  Then, I yelled, "Bomb"!  Naturally, he ran screaming into the street.  He gets out of jail on Saturday.

Web Site: Life In The Dweeb Lane

Reader Reviews for "Bad Pig! Bad Pig!"

Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by John Martin 6/9/2010
Enjoyed! Organized crime should get out of the Government business and get back to concrete business... even if it means bringing those overshoes back.
Popular Humor Articles
  1. There Is a Their There
  2. Conniving My Retirement
  3. Merry Atheistmas
  4. Giving Directions
  5. penwose Speaks
  6. J. Carson as R. Reagan
  7. It's the Old Spice Guy: Look at Him, Now L
  8. The Toilet Seat Delima
  9. Dad's Treasure
  10. Lost C. Burnett Skit

It's Too Late to Leave Early, An Aerospace Fable by William Walling

A satirical spoof of the American aerospace industry...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road by Diana Estill

Fifty-five hilarious tales that'll make you want to keep your partner, claim your kin, and hug your dog...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.