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Books by Tom Hyland
3 H - Part 2 - Hyland's Horrendous Hogwash
By Tom Hyland
Last edited: Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Posted: Wednesday, June 17, 2009



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Tom Hyland

• Fun With Some CON Words
• RACISM
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• MEDIOCRITY ... THY NAME IS ... APATHY
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• The BLIMP
           >> View all 372
Well, Galz n' Ghouls - here is second installment.

Hope something here causes you to go read the other Authors stuff!








3 H - Part 2

© - Tom Hyland - 06-04-09 to 06-17-09


RE: Matlack’s - My Prostrate Prostate -

METHUSELAH JOISEY - POBROCITO! en Inglese - Poor Little One!

POOR - LITTLE - AND - ONE!

While I do like PEEWEE's suggestion, I do have another for you to investigate -

I'm 68 - and occasionally get up in the middle of the nite to PEE - however,
my Niece, an R.N. of 30 years - tells me that COFFEE is a DIURETIC - MAKES YOU PEE!

I USED TO LIVE ON COFFEE - since last August's bout in Hospital CUT my intake of same in half! Now drink more H2O, tea, and fruit juices ...

Understand that BODY likes, needs, and absorbs these better!

OH - YEAH - another possibility - go to Home Depot or Loew's and buy:
1. Rubber Glove with 5 fingers. At home cut off the 5 tips.
2. 5 Lengths of Clear plastic tubing - about 5 ft. long each.
3. 6 each - C-Clamps, or Hose Clamps, or reasonable substitutes.
4. Large Bottle of Water Purification Tablets.

A. Take 5 - Empty Gallon Milk or Water Jugs & Clamp on Hoses and Glove.
B. Install SIXTH CLAMP on Pectoris Amorous.
C. GO to Bed & PEE IN PEACE!

If you PEE more than 5 Gallons - go to ER - cause you will be Dehydrated!

OTHERWISE - use Tablets to RE-CYCLE Pee-PEE ...

PEE-ce - TK.

by Ed Matlack (author) at 6/3/2009 10:18:16 PM

the gallon containers are NOT such a good idea, & the coffee would be a great idea IF I drank it...I only drink a half cup of coffee when I am out driving and am extremely tired, or after I sleep in the car for half an hour, then I might have half a cup, then I am all & legally I might add, speeded up...I have been drinking a lot of that Arizona Green tea stuff, but I try to stop early evening so not much remains within, so maybe I don't go too much...thanks for all the neat ideas, but first I want to see you use the gallon jugs...lol, ed

Hi Ed Matlack:

ED - you do have a dilemma there, Pal. I like the taste of that Arizona Green Tea also, but - after my son told me that it was not good for you because of all the high fructose corn syrup in it, I stopped drinking it. At Dollar Tree stores that big bottle is only a buck!

Experimented with several of the flavored water products - some are too sweet - some even have that poison - ASPARTAME - even boldly printed on the label - have 4 bottles in the car, to take back to the store for a refund.

Finally found the ones I like, not too sweet, have a nice fruity taste, and use 'normal' sugar in them - SOBE - with little Lizards on labels. Bought 10 on sale yesterday - 10 for $10.

Today, my Daughter Ann is 39 - will pick her up and take to her session this morning - after, meeting her Mom and Aunt for Brunch, to celebrate. When done, leaving for weekend at Ocean City, MD - my old Tuesday nite Pool Team, doing some R&R - mostly drinking and carousing - so D&C is more apropos!

Weather here, like yours - SUCKS with rain - yesterday, put over 100 miles on car, got soaked couple times, saw 7 accidents - almost rear-ended some Arsehole - he was in a hurry, passed me on right, swung in front of me, then decided to make a quick left-turn with no signal - my car must have skidded half a car length, but did stop - thank God!

Gotta finish packin' now - LATER - LURCH !!! TK.

OH - YEAH - how about one of them thar Catheter Bags - might work?

RE: J’NIA’S - Down Mexico Way -

J'NIA - NICE!

EL PRESSO DOS POR INGLESE ... VIVA ZAPATA!

ADELANTE MUCHACHOS!

P.S. - NO DRINKO EL AGUA ! ... TK.

=========================================================

RE: Randall Davis Barfield’s - 3 Blind Mice? -

RANDY - WELL DONE!

LOVE THE ANALOGY - (does that mean study of Anals?) -

Those suckers Reaped what they Sowed!

AND - you are so right - while we were all Sucking Hind Tit -the overpaid Union workers were all living - High - Wide - and Handsome!

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND!

Peace - Tom.

=========================================================

RE: Matlack’s - Damnable Unemployment Compensation Dept -

AMEN MY FRIEND - AMEN!

Years ago, shortly after one of my niece's died young - her sisters found a large fed check she had just received days before - uncashed - because she was sick -

After fighting with the guvmint for several YEARS for disability, a RETRO-ACTIVE payment was issued - and guess what? They couldn't Legally cash it to pay for her Funeral expenses!

RAT BASTARDS ALL ... TK.

=========================================================

RE: Mr. Ed’s - Loving Life -

I DUB THEE - "SIR EDWARD KOSTRO!"

IF - America had Knighthood - YOU WOULD BE OUR CHAMPION!

Thank you for - Loving Life - in ALL the ways you do! Tom.

=========================================================

RE: Matlack’s - Orwell’s Predictions … -

ED - WELL SAID, MY FRIEND !!!

Watch out for Big Brother's - Fickle Finger of Fate -

'HE' might next want to massage your - PROSTATE !!!

TK.

=========================================================

RE: Mr. ED ‘s - D-Day Remembered -

ED - AS USUAL, WELL DONE!

USN - "ANCHORS AWEIGH!"
USA - "THOSE CAISSONS GO ROLLING ALONG..."
USMC - "BATTLE HYMN" - "FROM THE HALLS OF MONTEZUMA..."
USAF - "THEY TOOK THE BLUE FROM THE SKIES..."
USCG - COAST GUARD.
USMM - MERCHANT MARINE SERVICE.
USO - UNITED SERVICES ORGANIZATION.
WAACS - WOMEN'S ARMY AUXILIARY CORPS.
WAVES - WOMEN ACCEPTED for VOLUNTARY EMERGENCY SERVICE.
RED CROSS -
CORPSMEN - DOCTORS - NURSES - MEDICS ...

SHIPBUILDERS - RIGGERS - RIVETERS, LIKE ROSIE -
AIRPLANE ASSEMBLERS -
TANK - TRUCK - JEEP WORKERS -
UNIFORMS SEWERS -

ALL THOSE WHO KEPT THE 'HOMEFIRES BURNING' -

GOD BLESS THEM ALL ... Tom.

=========================================================

RE: Barbara Henry’s - From An Acorn -

BARBARA -

1. Hi ! Welcome Aboard! Well Done!

2. The mystery of the Acorn? See my Story - "Is All Just Dirt?"

3. They say that "Great minds think alike." We both THUNK thimilar things!

Tom.

=========================================================

RE: My - Me, Myself, and I -

6/9/2009
Barbara Henry

Tom,
Great message in excellent packaging. I like it,and I too have begun to do many of the things you mention in this poem.
Thanks,and much success-
Barbara Henry

BARBARA - Thank you for your kind words.

While it must be purely coincidence, you happened to read and comment on this old title - and just yesterday, I commented on another author's piece, using the phrase - I, ME, MINE - a Powerful Trio!

I visited both of your sites - Quite Impressive! Welcome to Author's Den! You won't 'get rich' here, but some fine Friends may be garnered ...

Good Luck - Tom.

=========================================================

RE: Mr. ED’s - Brotherly Love -

PEEWEE - FLASH - by sheer coincidence, I also was watching a TV Weather Report for the Area of BUENA, where Landisville is located.

Their local News had stated that the U.S. P.O. station there had been INUNDATED with thousands n’ thousands of big fat packages of DEPENDS (this is a trademark protected product purchased by the Billions by Senior Citizens suffering with incontinence) - ANYWAY - the local Postmaster up there was truly concerned - he said, and I quote: “If we get 2 more FRIGGIN’ INCHES OF RAIN, OUR FREAKIN’ LIL TOWN IS GONNA FLOAT OUT INTO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN!”

LANDISVILLE is a minor BURG nestled off Route 40 East, and bounded by - Willow Grove to the West - Vineland to the South-West - Richland to the East - and Piney Hollow to the North. It is a quiet, Non-Metropolitan, Non-Neopolitan, Non-Descript “hole in the wall” that a blink of the eye will cause one to totally miss!

Landisville is a community or populated place (Class Code U4) located in Atlantic County at latitude 39.525 and longitude -74.938 (Landisville Panoramio Photos). The elevation is 112 feet. Landisville appears on the Buena U.S. Geological Survey Map. Atlantic County is in the Eastern time zone (GMT -5). Observes DST.
ACCORDINGLY - JERSEY ED has now already packed Hundreds of these packages (which are each tightly wrapped in plastic, and therefore are quite buoyant) underneath of his trusty steed, his RV - and has now re-named it the
“S.S. PEE-PEE” - this dubbing was in honor of his smaller sibling PEEWEE ED.

CAP’N JOISEY ED DEVIL is now waiting with baited breath for the next THUNDER-BLUSTER NOR’WESTER to launch his ship and start sailing down to Sea Isle City, and other Ports of Call …

He was quoted to say: “I am totally indebted to my two loving brothers for getting the World-at-Large to respond to my current dilemma - although I may not have a Pot to Piss in, I do now have a Seaworthy Craft which will propel me forward into the Adventures of a Lifetime. It may not be the “Kon-Tiki” and I may not be Thor Heyerdahl, - nor is it the “Argo” and I may not be Jason - but by the ‘other’ THOR - I have the heart of a Great Bull Elephant, and the tenacity of a Cornered Rat - ERGO - I SHALL MAKE THEM PROUD!”

YEP - PEEWEE & HOR-HAY DUN DID IT THIS TIME!

As reported on Prime-Time TV - SO yew know it’s GOSPEL, right?

Honorary Ornery Deckhand - Tomaso - El Gato …

=========================================================

RE: Matlack’s - Did Ya Ever Try to Re-cycle a Used Depends?

JOISEY - PEEWEE'S suggestion is the goodest!

but - I do have another - gee, what a Surprise, huh?

the Depends that only had NO.1 - PEE-PEE - these could easily be recycled at a low cost -
go to SUNNY'S SURPLUS - and buy a gallon or two of Water Purification Tablets - SOAK the suckers in that, then DRY them out by attaching poles on the roof of yer RV and driving around LANDISVILLE'S METROPOLITAN AREA - they will be FRESH AS A DAISEY - AND -

ewe get two side benefits - FREE ADVERTISING for more DEPENDS from all yer LOCALS -
AND ... the Purified Water will also be re-cycled, and DRINKABLE!

DONCHA JUS' love it - when A PLAN COMES TOGETHER ???

YER FIEND - 'CARE-PACKAGE' TOM ...

=========================================================

From: Ed Kostro
Date: Sat, 13 Jun 2009 12:13:50 -0500
To: Tom Hyland

Subject: Re: DEPENDS

Tom, are you sure you ain't an Ed Brother??!!

(or at least maybe a Fred cousin!)

REPLY - same date -

FRED – FRI-ED – FRIED ED – that might could be!

Someone onct said that – the definition of INSANITY was repeating the same mistake – over and over, and over!

So – when you think about it – MANKIND has been continually and constantly and cooperatively -
COPULATING ever since Adam and Eve – DISCOVERED that certain ‘parts’ fit so well!

Intermarriage – Copulating Cousins – and Inter-breeding are all Historic Facts – especially by and between the
Kings, Queens, Dukes, Duchesses, Princes, Princesses, and other Heads of State from the ‘OLD WORLD’ --
as well as those West Virginians in the NEW WORLD,
who, on Halloween – PUMP ... KIN!

THUS, it is easily seen that – Q.E.D. - “Pectoris Amorous Syndrome” has been passed down throughout the millennia.

Thusly – the misnomer ‘Kissin’ Kousins’ is really, and more truthfully - ‘Copulating Cousins’ !!!

“Insanity, Thy Name is MAN!”
I Rest my Case!
Tom-Ed ... As in Tomes of Tom ...

================================================
RE: Mr. Ed’s - Veterans Chronicle 175 -

ED - THANK YOU FOR DIVULGING THIS INFORMATION!
SHOW ME A POLITICIAN -
AND I'LL SHOW YOU A - RAT BASTARD !

TOM.
=====================================================
RE: Matlack’s - Attention Men - of the Swine Flu variety -
J.D. ED - RE: Pic - Might make a good Wine Cork Remover!

PIGS - What all men are!
PIGS - High Sheriff n' Po-lice!
PIGS - Slutty Prostitutes!
PIGZ - A local Band-name - of Ex-Officers!

TK ... OINK?
=====================================================
RE: Matlack’s - Once There was a Man Named Tomcat -

WELL JOISEY - I AM HONORED !!!

FROM You - To be the - BRUNT -
and not to be an - AFFRONT -
You make me want to - GRUNT -
When I type, I peck n' - HUNT -
to you compared, I am a - RUNT -
of my Diving Expertise on a - NO-NO WORD!
SO - I'll Drop Back Five n' - PUNT !!!

in Closing, to you I Wish - ZAGA-ZUNT !

Look That up in your Jewish Wagnall & FUNK!

:) :) :) TomKat <--- notice the K ... jus' 2 B different?
=====================================================
RE: My - Personality Conflicts -
6/14/2009
Reginald Johnson

This is an excellent review, Mr. Hyland. You are uniquely talented and always a pleasure to read. I saw the movie and consider it one of my all time favorites.

Regards ...

Reginald V. Johnson

REGGIE - Thank you - you are too kind! Tom.

6/14/2009
J'nia Fowler

We rarely watch Hollywood movies, but this one was a shocker. It is a 10 in our books as well. I wanted the Priest to be innocent and I wanted the Sister in charge to reveal more of herself so I could better understand why she was so adimant about her suspicions. Like many others, I am left in doubt; did he, didn't he? An exceptional movie. J'nia <> <

J’NIA - 6/14/09 - Yep! I felt the same way - but - as she explained it - the fact that he resigned without a fight was his un-acknowledgement of Guilt!

ERGO - her little LIE was justifiable! I have always been against Celibacy - could Marriage and Children help alleviate the situation? Probably not - as Pedophiles seek out children as victims!

Peace - Tom.

Posted by J'nia Fowler (author) at 6/14/2009 7:05:34 AM

Hi Tom Hyland: Yes, he probably was guilty in the past and in time he'd do it again. As I understand it, the Catholic church hasn't allowed marriages of the priests because they didn't want to have to fork over any extra money to support their wives and kids. Cheaper to have them single and celibate. yuk


Hi J'nia Fowler:

RE - celibacy - you're partly right, but I read a long time ago, that it started originally because MOST of the young men who entered the preisthood came from wealthy families. When they later inherited that wealth, Rome - the Church - the Vatican did NOT want them to have any HEIRS, so upon their deaths MOMMA CHURCH got it ALL!

Don't remember how far back - 1300's? 1400's? 1500's?

Plenty of Rat-B's in every political arena! TK.


6/14/2009
Georg Mateos

I "doubt" I gonna see the film, if it made sense wouldn't the jerks put it on, and if it doesn't not...the show will be sold out forever.

EDvard, the only sane Ole Brother

EdVARK -

YEW? SANE? WHO'D A THUNK?

TK

6/14/2009
Ed Matlack

The only thing lily white about me, is my butt...e

Deer Lily-White Butt Joisey Devil -

R U Braggin’ or Complainin’?

Sounds more like a White-Tailed DOE to me!
TK.
=====================================================
RE: My - Testing ... 123 ... Testing ... -
6/14/2009
Ed Matlack
"Am I a Pain in the Proverbial Arse?"
If you have to ask the question, then you already know the answer...glad I never tried to write a book, even if I did, I've got no patience to last out the process...Ed
Dear New Jersey Devil Pot-Smoking Pain-Ridden Bed-Wetting Un-Grammarian RV Dwelling Jeep-Driving Impatient Rufie Writer :-
Thank you for confirming my suspicions with your short-winded non-verbal infantile infinitely non-descript non-verbose irresponsible and indubitable rectum redeeming response!
As always, thy words are irrefutably un-ostentatiously incorporated into Osk-Skosk-by-Gosh Pearls of Wisdom!
Peace - Abundance - Love ...
Pampers - Depends - Guards ... TomKat.
NOTE - ALL OF THE ABOVE IS FORCED NON-SENSICAL CRAP!

6/14/2009
Chantilly Lace

Oh my..now ya got me thinking sweetie..as always wonderful writing sweet Tk..Hugsss
Love,
Chanti Lace xoxo

CHANTI - thank you, DARLIN’!

XXXOOO ... et cetera - et cetera - et cetera! TK.

6/14/2009
Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado

Hmmm. Food for thought; but sad people have to pay to be published. Some can't afford it (like me, for instance)!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :(

KARLA - Thanks for comments ... tk.

6/14/2009
Regis Auffray

You've got me thinking now, Tom. Thanks! Love and peace,

Regis

REG - thanks for comments - Tom.

6/14/2009
K. Mulroney

The copyright part is easy, just send it in the The Library of Congress. But you'll have to look up the new "fee's". The rest of it? I have no clue but thanks for scaring me off! lol

K. MULRONEY -

Thanks for kind words. Tom.

6/14/2009
Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner
Tom,

What I want to know is: why do we have to pay to be published?!? That's my rub ... some can't afford. :(

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.

by Tom Hyland (author) at 6/14/2009 7:51:06 PM

KARLA - THANK YOU DEAR! TK

6/14/2009
Georg Mateos

Answers answers answers...get a full enema both ends! ! ! bwahahaha!

EDvard(k) loony Ole Brother

DEAR 'LOONEY' -

Thank you for comments ... TK.


6/14/2009
J'nia Fowler

Ooooh, I can't imagine doing all of that and still wanting to write. So if someone were to buy it and down load it, how do they make it look good on their library shelf? It is just loose papers. Or perhaps I'm dumb.lol food for thought. Hugs, J'nia

J'NIA -
Yeah - enuff to give yew a HEADACHE - Eh Wot?
TK.
=====================================================
RE: My - IRISH CATHOLIC GOLF -
6/15/2009
The Bear Paw

Hi Tom, So much can be read into this quip... I like it a lot... Thank you for sharing this new poetic liscense you have...

In Spirit,
Bear

BEAR - Yet again - thanks!
For what it is worth - I happen to be both partly Irish, and was raised Catholic - non-practicing now for many years.
Although spiritual, I am against ALL 'organized' religions - ALL ...
TomKat ...
=====================================================
RE: J’nia Fowler’s - Big Bang Party -
J'NIA - WELL DONE, GAL!
FOLLOW THE BOUNCING BALL ...
CONNECT THE DOTS ...
DOTS OF MATTER ARE WE ALL ...
A BUNCH OF IOTAS, OR JOTS!
HUGZ --- TK.
=====================================================
RE: Regis Auffray’s - The Greatest Silence -
REG - SHA'TARA - some very valid good points made here, of which I am in complete agreement.
I fondly remember an old TV series, hosted by Leonard Nemoy. I think it was called "In Search of The Ancient Astronauts" - but unsure - anyway, the depictions in cave drawings all over the world had guys with 'halos' - and pointy things like rockets, or round things, like saucers - THOUSANDS of years ago

To that, add the huge, perfectly proportional objects carved into the earth at various places, Peru - in particular. Some believe they would be impossible to achieve on the ground, without an observer high above, issuing directions. Something to ponder?
Be that as it may - WHAT IF - Ancient non-Earthians did visit? Did teach? Did observe?
Said E.T.'s or aliens would have been much much more intelligent than our ancestors, wouldn’t they?
WHAT IF - these 'gods' gave up in disgust - left, and never came back?
I tend to think of 'Star Trek" - "...where no 'god' has gone before ..."
and "Star Wars" - where there are so many different 'peoples' and planets to visit, that they are just too busy 'out there' to bother to return.
religion? BAH - HUMBUG! Maybe - “Silence IS Golden?”
"May the Force be With You!" Tom.
=====================================================
RE: John V. Martin’s - Health Scare -
DEAR JOHN -
YES - there ia a CANCER in D.C. - but - it isn't JUST the Prez - and it isn't NEW !!!
It is the entire 545 - Congress 535 + Prez + Supreme Court 9 = 545 ...
AND their CANCER has been purposely growing and expanding for over 50 YEARS now!
Our so-called "Democracy' in the form of a 'Republic' flourished under The Constitution for about 180 years - THEN THEY ALL 'SOLD OUT' TO THE CORPORATIONS!

So-called 'Capitalism' disguised as the misnomer 'BUSINESS" - starting lining all their pockets with 'SILVER!'
LOBBYISTS, KICK-BACKS, GRAFT, PORK-BARREL POLITICS, AND OTHER LYING - CHEATING - STEALING SCHEMES HAVE PERMEATED GOVERNMENT AT ALL LEVELS - I CALL IT -
STP - SCREW THE PUBLIC!!!
THEN - 6 years ago - BUSH and CONGRESS AND THE CHIEF JUSTICES - started TEARING PAGES OUT OF OUR CONSTITUTION, AND BURNING THEM!
RIGHTS, FREEDOMS, AND COMMON SENSE WENT 'OUT THE WINDOW!' WHY? HOW?
THE AMERICAN PUBLIC -
WE - GOT FAT AND LAZY AND MORE APATHETIC!
THE 'NEW' U.S.A. - United States of Amalgamation !!!
1. NATIONALIZE BANKS!
2. NATIONALIZE STOCK MARKET!
3. NATIONALIZE AUTOMOBILE MANUFACTURING!
4. NATIONALIZE HEALTHCARE!
5. NATIONALIZE EDUCATION - SOON COLLEGES AND UNIVERSITIES!
BUT - HOW COME -
NOT - NATIONALIZE PETROLEUM INDUSTRY?
NOR INSURANCE INDUSTRY?
BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE BIGGEST BUCKS ARE!!!

CANCER? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ARSE !!!
AND - "WE THE PEOPLE" ARE WALLOWING IN IT -
ALONG WITH OUR OWN SHEEP-SHIT !!!
Peace - Tom.
=====================================================
© - TKH


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Reviewed by Georg Mateos
Now, got any Mex-flu left? A Veterans Affairs official birthday's coming and I have gone empty of good ideas!


Edvard(k) Ole Veteran




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