Pathetically, domestic violence has become a pervasive part of our society. Trying to stem the tide has proven almost impossible. How does one avoid becoming a victim? The first key is knowing the 8 laws of domestic violence. Here they are, learn them wellÖ
Every year, thousands of women and men are seriously hurt or killed by their spouses, ex-spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancťes or fiancťs.
Their injuries and deaths could have been prevented. With proper training, abusive and violent people can be discerned and avoided.
In this critically appraised training, Iíll share with you the eight laws of domestic violence, these laws were written to help you avoid the trap of abuse and family violence.
÷ Love Does Not Hurt, (See I Corinthians 13)
We live in a society in which people have created their own brands of love. When they say they love you, intermingled with their brand of love is: abuse, jealousy, vengeance, violence and disrespect.
If you let them explain it, these harmful character traits are all part of being in love.
The Word of God makes it crystal clearÖ love does not hurt!
If a man or woman resorts to physical violence or uses emotional, sexual or financial abuse to control or manipulate you, that is not love because love does not hurt!
÷ No One Has a Right To Hit, Hurt or Abuse You, (See Matthew 18:3-10)
One common viewpoint from perpetrators of domestic violence is that they have a right to hit, hurt or abuse the person they claim to love. I have sat in countless domestic violence courtrooms and listened to batterers make statements like; ďShe made me hit her, if I didnít love him so much Ė I wouldnít have stabbed him; every couple gets into fights; she made me angry; sometimes love makes you lose control!Ē
I just followed a case in which the husband beat his wife because he said she was snoring. Their teenage kids, who witnessed the savage act, were so frightened that they called the police. When the responding officer arrived, the wife beating husband attempted to justify his actions. Because of his warped beliefs about marriage, he couldnít see that he was wrong: morally and legally. Whether you are dating, courting or married, no one has a right to hit, hurt or abuse you.
÷ You Have a Right To Dwell In a House of Refuge, (See Isaiah 32:17-18)
Instead of being places of refuge, so many of todayís homes have become prison houses of abuse and domestic violence. You need to know that you have a right to dwell in a peaceable habitation, a sure dwelling and a quiet resting place.
That is Godís standard for your household.
His standard supersedes the fluctuating and flimsy standards set by mere mortal men. Some men and women have fashioned themselves to stir up strife, arguments and fights.
If you allow one of these individuals to snare you into an abusive relationship, they will surely turn your dreams of having a happy home into a grueling nightmare, (See Proverbs 29:22 and Proverbs 21:19).
÷ Every man and woman is accountable for his or her actions, (See Galatians 5:17-26)
Just about everyday, men and women stand before a judge and jury and admit that they stabbed, slapped, kicked, strangled, shot, choked or punched their spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancť or fiancťe.
BUT! They also swear that they were not responsible for their actions and therefore should not be held accountable.
They plead guilty by reason of insanity, sudden passion, bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. Some attorneys have devised an impressive list of probable defenses to use in the event that they get the call to defend a wife beater or male batterer.
You must understand - because of rebellion, immaturity, or a lack of training, some men and women do not believe they are accountable for their actions.
They will let their feelings and emotions run amuck, commit acts of abuse and domestic violence, but refuse to be accountable for their actions. That is why you must detect and avoid these dangerous men and women at all costs.
÷ There is No Excuse for Domestic Violence, (See Matthew 5:21-48)
I have heard more excuses from batterers than I care to repeat. These men and women believe they have valid reasons for abusing or pummeling their loved ones. They masterfully blame their jobs, stress, layoffs and family pressures.
If not those, then they may blame depression, PMS, a breakup, sudden passion, loverís jealousy or something else.
I must admit, their explanations for their evil behavior are well thought out. I have watched certain judges presiding over domestic violence cases sit back and agree, ďWow, now that makes sense!Ē
It didnít make sense to me, and it surely didnít make sense to the victim. There is no excuse for abuse or domestic violence. We are all given the code of conduct to live by in the Written Word of God.
Obviously many people choose not to live by Godís code of conduct. Thatís their choice, but you donít have to be in a relationship with them!
I followed one case in which the husband killed his wife and then committed suicide. He left a suicide note with instructions on how to handle his financial affairs. The note also gave a clue as to why he murdered his wife.
He claimed that he killed her because he didnít like the way she spent their money.
You can try to analyze these people, perform brain scans on them or put them through rigorous psychological evaluations, but know this for a certainty.
Their problem is not psychological or mental.
Their problem is spiritual!
÷ Domestic Violence is a Spiritual Curse, (See Genesis 3:14-21)
In most circles, domestic violence is defined as a social problem. It is not! Domestic violence is a spiritual problem that affects our homes, communities, governments and churches. In Genesis 3, the Lord revealed eight curses that were a direct result of Adamís sin. One of those curses revealed in verse 16, was the manís newfound desire to rule over women.
That word rule means: to exercise control over, to dominate, to be the supreme authority over, to have the right of possession, use, and control of.
That is not Godís original design for mankind. That is a byproduct of Adamís sin. Men who operate under this evil curse believe a woman is their possession and that they have a right to control her. Women who operate under this curse also believe they have a right to manipulate and control men.
In one case, a woman killed herself and child after her boyfriend broke up with her. As I investigated her background, I found two previous boyfriends in whom she became physically violent when they advised her that their relationship was over. Both men had to file restraining orders against her.
This woman had the spirit of domestic violence. She proved to her final boyfriend that she was in complete control by killing the child she bore for him.
If you are a domestic violence activist, I applaud your efforts to stem the tide of family violence. However, if you are dealing with this issue solely from a social perspective, you are only putting a bandage over a sore.
I am not suggesting that you shut down your shelters or hotlines, or halt domestic violence legislation. Clearly, our society desperately needs those resources.
I am saying that these violence prone men and women will always exist in our society. In order to avoid becoming a victim of abuse or domestic violence, a person must learn: (a) the eight laws of domestic violence (b) how to detect and avoid these abusive men and women, and (c) the traps and tricks they use to lure victims into relationships and marriages.
If those steps are not taken, a person is unwittingly subjecting himself or herself to become a victim of abuse or domestic violence.
÷ Christ Has Redeemed You From The Curse of Domestic Violence, (See Galatians 3:13,29)
So often I have counseled people and sat in courtrooms and listened as victims of abuse and domestic violence wondered if this terrible crime was their lot in life.
I have had people try to convince me that it was God who led them into an abusive marriage to teach them patience or some other mysterious lesson.
God would never lead you into a harmful relationship or marriage, (See Psalm 23 and Psalm 143:10). If you find yourself in a terrible situation, you must face the facts, you got there because you were either:
R NaÔve, (See Proverbs 14:15)
R Foolish or immature, (See Proverbs 6:6)
R Impulsive, (See Judges 14:1-3)
R A silly woman, (See II Timothy 3:6)
R A simple-minded man, (See Proverbs 7:7)
R Or you were booby trapped by a skilled deceiver, (See II Timothy 2:26)
God had nothing to do with you or anyone else being lured or trapped in an abusive relationship or violent marriage. Proof of that statement is in the final law of domestic violence. That is why you must look in the mirror of life and be honest with yourself.
Did you act on impulse and enter into the relationship or marriage? Did you end up in the relationship or marriage because you were a simple-minded man or a silly woman? Did you make a foolish mistake in trusting this person? Did you ignore or turn your head away from any of the warning signs?
If you cannot or will not admit your mistakes, sins or faults, you will most likely repeat them.
÷ God Commands You To Avoid Abusive and Violent Individuals, (See Proverbs 22:24)
That is not a suggestion; that is a command! In I Corinthians 5:11, the Lord commands us not to keep company with a railer. A railer is an abusive or violent person. He goes on to tell us in that same verse, donít even eat with such a person.
Let me translate that for you.
That means you donít have breakfast, lunch or dinner with them. You donít meet them for coffee at Starbucks or for Buffalo wings at the Parker Lighthouse Restaurant in Long Beach, California. You leave these people alone!
You donít date or court them and you surely donít marry them! The experts would tell you to stick with them and work it out. They may advise you to go to counseling with these male batterers and wife beaters to help them get through their anger management classes. NO! A thousand times NO!
Read the command in Proverbs 22:24 again, ďMAKE NO FRIENDS WITH AN ANGRY MAN OR WOMAN!
If you think you can make void the Word of God with the opinion of a board certified clinical psychologist, be my guest.
But understand thisÖ
The morgue, graveyards, hospitals and shelters for the abused are filled with people who tried to tame these abusive time bombs with love, logic, therapy, psychology and anger management.
In Proverbs 25:24, God emphatically warns all men: ďIt is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.Ē I have met men who decided to believe the advice of their family and friends over Godís Word. They married these contentious women and found themselves trapped in a marriage from HELL!
A husband and wife once came to me for emergency counseling. In actuality, she just tagged along for the ride. She really didnít want to be bothered.
The wife had assaulted the husband on a couple of occasions and had boastfully told him that she could kill him in his sleep. I have no doubt that she would have murdered him had he stayed in the house with her.
He could have avoided that trauma. He confessed that before he married her, the signs that she had the spirit of domestic violence were evident but he chose to ignore them.
His decision nearly cost him his life.
Domestic violence is a gravely serious problem in our society and it has crept into our churches like an out of control virus!
Donít allow yourself to be snared or booby trapped by one of these violent men or abusive women.
Gillis Triplett is CEO of Mastering Manhood and author of the blockbuster book, "Why People Choose The Wrong Mate: Avoiding The 9 Deadly Booby Traps." His vision and mission is to help men and women worldwide find and experience True Love.