Fueled by the media, music and Hollywood and shows such as Sex in the City, Girlfriends, Seinfeld and Living Single, modern day dating has evolved into a smorgasbord of unparalleled eroticism. This riveting expose goes behind the scenes to show how modern day dating affects tomorrow’s marriages.
This Is How We Do It!
Modern day dating comes in many forms. Namely: hook-ups, one-night stands, cohabitation, speed and Internet dating, bluetoothing, blind dating, serial monogamous relationships and booty calls. There is also anonymous sex, recreational sex, casual sex, group sex, safe sex, dry sex and a host of other seductive sounding dating categories coined by the sexually active and glamorized by the media, music and Hollywood.
On television shows like, “Eve, One On One, Seinfeld and Half & Half,” the modern day dating scene has become a smorgasbord of earth shattering, knee buckling, commitment free, pregnancy free and disease free sex. On the screen, the stars don’t go to jail for child support. They don’t struggle with the ravages of developing full-blown AIDS or end up on an operating table in an abortion clinic. On the shows, no matter how many people they have sex with, the stars always come out on top.
In “Sex in the City,” one of the characters, Samantha, played by Kim Cattrall, has sex with at least two men per episode. Although her flesh is a revolving door for nameless men, freaks, players, homosexuals and married men. She is the epitome of health and mental wellness. She bares no depression. No anger. No illegitimate kids and no sexually transmitted diseases. Nothing! Nada! Just prideful boasts of her bedroom prowess and laughter about her numerous male conquests.
The Life, Times and Sex Life of Ms. Monique
Monique adopted the modern day dating syndrome while in high school and rode it out past college. She heard the “Safe sex” message and using condoms, gleefully explored and enjoined her sexuality. Although she faithfully attended church, the silky smooth, sexually charged words of R. Kelly, always echoed in her mind.
Even after hearing stirring sermons on virtue, Monique didn’t see anything wrong with a little bump and grind. By the time she was 26, she had allowed about a dozen different men to pilferage her physical body and tarnish her emotions. Monique’s relationship resume included two live-in lovers. Each of those seemingly promising relationships abruptly ended when she learned she was pregnant.
It is widely known that many sexually active individuals stop using condoms after they feel comfortable with their sex partners. Monique and her many lovers followed that trend. It also is widely known that very few men treasure becoming accidental dads. Especially with females they classify as: booty calls, one-night stands, casual sex partners and live-in lovers. Remember Rae Carruth and Tjane Marshall?
After announcing her expectancy, her first live-in lover abandoned her without word or warning. Her second go at cohabitation fared even worse. This time her live-in lover became furious! He screamed entrapment and ranted and raved about Monique being a cunning and conniving gold-digger who was trying to ruin is life. He hurled vicious expletives at her and made it abundantly clear, she was on her own.
Dejected, pregnant and alone, Monique did what many African American women do; she made abortion clinics her saving grace.
By the time she sat down and counseled with me, she had a total of five abortions and was pregnant yet again. This time she decided to go full term and give birth to her child. She immediately added her name to the long list of single women who give birth to illegitimate children by casual sex partners who don’t give two cents about them or their child.
Modern day dating produces some ugly, painful and humbling realities.
Monique’s love life, as she called it, was replete with warning signs. She had contracted Herpes and another sexually transmitted disease for which she was not comfortable with disclosing at the time. She had become a victim of domestic violence. One of her ex-boyfriends cheated on her. Monique’s reaction was Quid Pro Quo. She got revenge by cheating on him and then flaunting her sexcapade in his face.
He reacted by almost choking Monique into unconsciousness. Forcing her to hastily flee that lover’s nightmare or die. Part of Monique’s problem was, she was attracted to dogs. It was a mutual attraction. She loved the scent of their flesh and they loved the scent of hers.
Monique willingly gave herself to jerks and to men she barely knew. She admittedly enjoyed the sex and confessed to having deep emotional attachments to a number of her past lovers. Could you imagine what it would do to a man’s psyche after learning that his girlfriend, fiancée or wife had immense feelings for one or more of her past sex partners?
Regardless of her feelings, mindsets or actions, Monique claimed it was the men who exploited her. She saw herself as the victim. She accepted no responsibility or culpability. She felt like no matter what type of man or how many men she gave herself to, she had a right to be treated like a lady. Dr. Daniel Hale Williams couldn’t figure that one out.
Ooh Baby, Baby: Sex In The City
Many modern day women have adopted Monique’s bizarre mentality. They’ll have one-night stands, sex with men they just met, move-in with a man they are not married to and date men who go by aliases such as: Trick Daddy, Glock Gotti, Pimp Juice and Lady Killa. Yet, they get angry and act stunned when these misogynistic, abusive and strange men assault or abandon them or refuse to show them respect.
Their responses are an entirely different subject. Forgive me, I’ve digressed…
Based on her horrible experiences and deeply embedded negative views of all males, Monique doubted if she would ever trust a man. She affirmed herself to be a strong Black woman who didn’t need a man. She noted her college degree, her career and her ability to raise a child by herself. Her beliefs reflected in her attitude. She could spew out a curt, undeserved, non-apologetic tongue lashing at a man at the drop of a dime. For Monique, tearing down men was a way to show her power.
Even with her clearly bad choices in men; soul ties to her past lovers; her storied sexual history; multiple abortions; STDs; blasé view and snotty attitude toward men, Monique considered herself prime marriage material. Alarmingly, she saw absolutely nothing wrong with the woman in the mirror. But then again, her assessment was based solely on her physical appearance.
The last time we spoke, Monique was headed into another relationship booby trap. Her new beau claimed he was some big shot movie executive and music producer. With absolutely no evidence to verify any of his claims, Monique took the bait. She was smitten. Her fantasies of falling in love with a high-powered executive and mingling with the big wigs were about to come to pass! Or were they?
After I talked with him, it was clear to me, the things he asserted about himself were not adding up. Concerned for Monique’s safety and the well being of her infant child, I checked him out. Sure enough, he had sired at least two children by different women to which he had paid ZERO child support. Furthermore, he had a pattern of targeting women, moving in with them and then exploiting them financially.
What Would a Smart Woman Do?
A smart woman would immediately terminate a relationship after learning that her potential mate engaged in such unconscionable conduct. But Monique’s girlfriends convinced her to shun my advice and spurn the irrefutable evidence. They claimed he was a good man? There’s no need to ask… he was a smooth operator.
He had a plausible explanation for everything! The kids he sired and abandoned; the child support he never paid; the ghostly career that obviously didn’t exist and the females for which he ran up their credit card bills and left them dangling in the wind. In spite of all that, Monique went for it! All I could do was pray for her and her child and hope that she would come to her senses. Although she graduated from college, attended church, prayed at the altar and was a helps ministry worker, Monique had become a byproduct of modern day dating.
Modern day dating refuses to take into consideration: bad character, sexual history, patterns of failed relationships, harmful attitudes, child abandonment, HIV/AIDS or other STDs. Modern day dating renounces the impact of: criminal records, lying tongues, drug or alcohol addictions and child support conflicts. Modern day dating rejects the critical significance of: abortions, incarcerations, serial marriages, restraining orders or the fact that a person is abusive, promiscuous, violent prone or emotionally debilitated.
In modern day dating, looks and appearances reign supreme and the mantras are: “Live for today! And “Express your sexuality!” These men and women excitedly don their bulletproof latex condoms and go for it!
I Tested Positive... But I Don't Believe I Have HIV?
Modern day dating has produced a mass number of men and women who are infected with the HIV/AIDS virus and other sexually transmitted diseases. Increasingly, many of these individuals are refusing to inform their sex partners that they are carriers of incurable and deadly STDs. Case in point, on December 21st, 2004, Anthony E. Whitfield was sentenced to 180 years in prison for knowingly exposing 17 women to the HIV virus. Whitfield had sex with dozens of females! In modern day dating such sexual activity IS NOT classified as being promiscuous.
All told, authorities estimated that he directly and indirectly, infected, about 170 people. One of his sex partners described her trepidation as she waited on her HIV test results. She recalled having sex with Whitfield and the condom breaking and then later hearing about his arrest for literally being a human torpedo. Too late for prayer, she could only cross her fingers and hope she wouldn’t be forced to take the HIV medications; AZT, 3TC and Abacavir.
Another one of his sex partners supported him. She said although she didn’t know he was HIV positive, she knew the risks involved with casual sex and felt like all the women who had sex with him should have known the risks. These harrowing incidents are popping up all over the nation.
- In March of 1998, in FORT BENNING, Georgia, Raymond Humphries, a married U.S. Army soldier, pleaded guilty to seven counts of aggravated assault, eight counts of adultery, four counts of sodomy, and one count of willfully disobeying an order to use a condom and disclose his HIV status to his lovers. He had sex with at least eight females without disclosing that he was HIV positive. He infected two of the women and got four of them pregnant. Sadly, most were already single moms.
- In April of 1999, in BRONX, New York, Nushawn Johnson received a 4 to 12 year prison sentence for knowingly exposing his sex partners to the HIV virus. He did this after receiving a stern warning from health officials to reveal his HIV status to all potential sex partners. It would be a warning Nushawn would recklessly ignore. He had sex with more than fifty females and infected at least sixteen with the deadly virus.
- In July of 1998, in LEWISBURG, Tennessee, Pamela Wiser was sentenced to 26.5 years for knowingly exposing her partners to the HIV virus. At first she stated she engaged in about fifty or so one-night stands to get ‘revenge’ for her boyfriend infecting her with the HIV virus. She later recanted that story and claimed she just couldn't say ‘no’ when men pursued her for sex.
- In February of 1998, in TRAVERSE CITY, Michigan, James Wallace Jones received a 15 to 22.5 year prison sentence after exposing about a dozen females to the HIV virus. In court he apologized for keeping his HIV status a secret. I could show you almost an endless stream of such cases. These incidents are a byproduct of modern day dating.
The attorney for Stephen Thomas, an HIV infected rapper, made an interesting observation. He claimed, "In many situations, HIV positive people try to go on living as they were before, and it is very human to just keep it [the fact that they are HIV positive] out of their minds.” Apparently, Thomas tried to do just that. Authorities learned that he had sex with more than 100 females. He was sentenced to 14 years in prison and ordered to pay about $70,000 each to five of the women he was known to have infected with the HIV virus.
What Has Modern Day Dating Produced?
It has produced men and women who mock sexual purity, openly berate morality and sneer at the sacredness of the marriage covenant. Modern day dating has procreated men and women who bear children they neither want nor care about. It has produced countless unwed mothers and fatherless children. Children who will never know their biological dads because their mommies can’t locate or determine which of the thugs, players, pimps, ballers or shot callers impregnated them.
It has caused the dockets for child support cases to be backlogged for months on end with women stressing to collect child support from men who love sex but adamantly despise kids. These males would rather pay entry into nightclub or purchase a twelve-pack of beer rather than buy a box of pampers for children they’ve sired. I realize this is a bitter pill to swallow. If you are alarmed, disheartened or appalled, that’s a good sign! It means that you haven’t lost your sense of humanity and the purveyors of promiscuity have not skewed your moral compass.
The Mangled Monster…
Know for a certainty, we are in desperate times and desperate times call for desperate measures. Surely you must know that modern day dating has bred a mangled monster! It has birthed multitudes of females who have been played, dumped, tricked, dismissed, lied to and cheated on. These females now suffer from low self-esteem and bipolar and borderline personality disorders. Their numerous dating catastrophes have caused them to become cynical, angry, enraged, confused, depressed and driven to use mind-altering drugs such as Prozac, Remeron and Zoloft.
It has produced a horde of bitter females who have no compunction about committing paternity fraud or filing false rape, abuse or molestation charges. This group of females will go to almost any lengths to get revenge for being forsaken, deceived, spurned or cast aside by their casual sex partners and enigmatic lovers.
It has fostered an environment where the truth becomes a lie; a lie becomes the truth; good becomes evil; evil becomes good and where honor and virtue becomes outdated character traits embraced by boring men and unexciting women.
It has produced a mass number of smooth talking misogynistic males who view females only as sex receptacles. With this bunch, no female is off limits or out of bounds. It should be no wonder why these men are poster boys for the emotionally detached.
If they impregnate a woman, they have no qualms about forcing, coercing or threatening her to have an abortion. Her refusal to comply could mean her death. These males make a sport of committing domestic violence, date rape and otherwise abusing females. To the women expecting an apology, none will be forth coming. Males from this platoon know of no guilt or remorse. They have had sex with so many females that their consciences have become caustically numb. They are incapable of love or of comprehending the hurt they’ve caused.
Darling… When We Get Married!
Modern day dating has produced a swarm of men and women who by the time they do get married, have learned some terribly cruel lessons. You’ve read their relationship resumes. You’ve read how they’ve been trained. They have been indoctrinated to juggle multiple sex partners, lie, cheat, break hearts and exploit and toy with a person's emotions. Did you know that one of the modern day dating benchmarks is to have sex with ten, thirty, forty or more sex partners and then get married?
By the time they walk down the aisle they’ve developed callous hearts and ornery attitudes toward the opposite sex. To expect these individuals to flip a switch and magically become suitable mates is absolutely unrealistic. The mass number of divorce, domestic violence and family court cases confirms that irrefutable truth on a daily bases. Like it or not, agree with it or not, this is the face of modern day dating.
That's why we must change things now! Tomorrow is too late! Do you really expect to find a suitable lifelong mate in the midst of all of this dismal modern day dating madness? Most people looking for true love will concur how extremely hard it is to find a suitable mate.
Has Modern Day Dating Ruined Marriage?
The answer to that question is a resounding, “Yes!” The men and women who have embraced modern day dating practices have literally ruined marriage! The solution? Join the revolution! Become part of the groundswell of men and women who understand what’s at stake and have rejected the unhealthy and harmful modern day dating practices. Your future depends on it!
Gillis Triplett is Director of the Naked Truth Seminars and author of the blockbuster book: Why People Choose The Wrong Mate: Avoiding The 9 Deadly Booby Traps. He speaks to the hearts of men and women nationwide.