Are You Ready for Love?
edited: Monday, March 06, 2006
By Gillis Triplett
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Monday, January 24, 2005
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Everyday men and women enter into relationships and marriages hoping for the best. Only to be astonished when they realize that the person responsible for ruining their marriage or sabotaging their relationship was the man or woman in the mirror. They were unprepared for love… but they had no idea.
Are you ready for love?
Find out by taking this critically appraised self-examination.
When it comes to love, sex, relationships and marriage, most men and women take the position, “Ready or not, here I come!” They will dive into a relationship or marriage with little or absolutely no preparation. At best they are drawing straws. At worst they are rolling the dice. The statistics prove that the majority of men and women who gamble at love will eventually lose. Don’t wager with your love life.
In II Corinthians 13:5, we are commanded to examine ourselves. This self-examination is crucial if you intend on finding and experiencing True Love. This examination entails fifteen key tests to help you and a potential mate determine if you are actually ready for love. The test starts now!
1. Do You Know What True Love Is?
“I love you!” “I love you to!” Most people who express those heart felt words have no idea what True Love is. I regularly meet men and women who claim they have been in love three or more times in their life. They met someone, fell in love, broke up with them and repeated that sequence of events with numerous lovers. One woman told me she had been in love with eight different men. She married and divorced four of them. What they didn’t know about love is that True Love never ends.
If what they had were True Love, it wouldn’t have ended. They’d still be together, (See I Corinthians 13). How does one define True Love and who sets the standard? The Lord God defines what True Love is and He alone set the standard for love. It is only through His Word can we learn what True Love is. If you obtained your definition or interpretation about love from any source, you have been misled, (See I Thessalonians 4:9).
2. Are You Able To Forgive?
You are not ready to be in a relationship until you are able to forgive those who have offended or hurt you. If you are the type of person who can hold a grudge or harbor resentment or hard feelings, pull yourself off the market! You are a danger to yourself and to your potential mate, (See Mark 11:24-26 and Matthew 18:21-22).
3. Have You Examined Your Flesh?
As Director of The Naked Truth Seminars, I frequently meet men and women who were sexually active in times past, dreadfully, many of them contracted sexually transmitted diseases. But because they were classified by medical science as being asymptomatic, (which means they had no symptoms) they had no idea of their alarming dilemma. I could share countless heart-gripping horror stories of husbands and wives who ended up infecting their spouses with…
• (HPV) Human Papilloma Virus
• Hepatitis B
• Herpes Simplex Virus
If you were sexually active in the past and have not taken a battery of tests for sexually transmitted diseases, pull yourself off the market. Even if you have no symptoms to speak and even if you practiced safe sex, GET TESTED! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are guilty of jeopardizing the physical safety of another human being. God forbid, but what if you did contract the HIV/AIDS virus, Chlamydia or HPV but are asymptomatic?
4. Have You Learned The Art of Communication?
We are literally inundated with books, DVDs, CDs, therapists and marriage counselors attempting to help troubled couples learn how to talk to each other. An art they should have learned prior to saying, “I do!” Here’s what they didn’t learn before exchanging wedding vows, but you must:
• Proper listening skills
• How to respect another person’s opinion or point of view
• Talking and communicating non argumentatively
• Admitting when you are wrong
• Saying, “I’m sorry,” when the moment requires
• How to disagree honorably
• How to speak the truth in love
• When to remain silent
• How to diffuse tense moments
5. Do You Respect The Differences of The Sexes?
This should be a no-brainer! However, many men and women enter into relationships and marriages with no concept that male and females are different species. They either fail or refuse to honor our (male – female) uniqueness. If you only see things from a man’s perspective or from a woman’s point of view, you are not at all ready for love. And you won’t be ready until the day comes when you can respect the differences of the opposite sex without grumbling, bickering or backbiting.
6. Are You Harboring Ill Feelings Toward The Opposite Sex?
I once had a woman fire a verbal barrage of indignant words at me after I advised her to pull herself off the market. She had been molested as a child and blamed the entire male gender for her traumatic experience. In spite of her openly detestable view of all men, she insisted on seeking a husband.
Being that she is an attractive woman, she will no doubt find a man who doesn’t comprehend the magnitude of her bitterness. The divorce courts have a constant stream of couples who split for no other reason than one of them held on to deep-rooted animosity against the opposite sex.
If you are harboring Ill feelings toward the opposite sex, you must resolve your issue(s) before dating, courting or entering into a marriage covenant. By not doing so, you make yourself become the prime ingredient in a recipe for marital failure. Like mishandled sulphuric acid, your ill feelings will eventually spill over and burn your spouse, (See Hebrews 12:15).
7. Do You Have A Temper?
If you are prone to temper tantrums, explosive bursts of anger or harmful emotional outbursts, please pull yourself off the market! Make no mistake about it; you are not ready for love! Your disposition will surely be your courting or marital demise, (See Proverbs 22:24-25 and Proverbs 29:22).
8. Do You Have Soul Ties?
A soul tie is when you have feelings for an ex boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, fantasy lover or past sex partner. If you long for a person, secretly wish you were with them, fantasize or daydream about them, or think about them sexually, pull yourself off the market! You are not ready to be in love with another person until you sever that soul tie, (See II Corinthians 10:5).
9. Do You Have Any Unresolved Issues?
Issue such as…
• Drug/Alcohol Addictions
• Secret Sins
• Child Support
• Criminal Issues
• Pornography Addictions
• Paternity Fraud
• Psychological Issues
• Baby’s Momma Drama
• Divorce issues
• Jealousy Issues
• Current Relationship Issues
• Control issues
• Abuse Issues
• Manipulation Issues
If so, pull yourself off the market until you get them resolved. Unresolved issues almost always come back to haunt you.
10. Do You Have Unrealistic Marital Expectations?
More spouses have ended up in the divorce court because they held on to unrealistic expectations before they married. For example, he expected they were going to have sex everyday, two and three times a day. Or, she expected that her husband was going to worship the ground she walked on and treat her like she was the Queen of Sheba and Princess of Monaco.
When things don’t turn out as they dreamed or fantasized, these people become disappointed and eventually abandon, defraud or divorce their spouses. The way to insure that you don’t have unrealistic expectations is to talk to happily married couples. Ones who have been married for ten years or more. Find out from them the ebb and flow and various nuances of the married life. No offense, but you cannot obtain this vital information from single people, disgruntled couples or from bitter divorcees.
11. Do You Have A Strong Spiritual Foundation?
Every marriage will face challenges, but the ones that stand the test of time are the ones in which both spouses are rooted and grounded in the Word of God and prayer, (See Luke 6:47-49). If your spiritual foundation is unstable, put the brakes on love and get your footing firmly established.
12. Can You Recognize The Numerous Pre-Marital Pitfalls and Love, Sex and Relationship Booby Traps?
If not, you must pull yourself off the market immediately! There are too many snares for you to take a chance and hope that things work out for the best, (See II Timothy 2:26). Pervasive snares such domestic violence, sexually transmitted diseases, paternity fraud, dating abuse, marital fraud, stalking and spousal murder.
Don’t take the path traveled by most men and women, which is to stick their heads in the sand and act is if these things don’t exist. Or the other worn out path, which is the false belief that if you attend church you are immune to these things.
One of the prime reasons divorce and domestic violence is so prevalent in the church is because most Christians have received improper or no training at all in these critical areas. They knew nothing about the snares, booby traps and pitfalls until it was too late! Can you recognize when a potential mate is wearing a mask?
Can you identify the various sex traps? Are you able to discern when someone is attempting to lure you into an abusive relationship?
Are you able to identify paternity fraud predators or females shopping for disposable dads? If you cannot, you are not properly trained to reign in the area of love, sex, relationships or marriage.
13. Do You Understand And Honor The Marriage Covenant?
In a society rift with divorce and children born to single mothers, many men and women have a distorted view of the marriage covenant. Before you proceed with love, getting an understanding of the marriage covenant is a must for both you and any potential spouse. The best place to acquire this vital information is in pre-marital training.
14. Have You Taken Any Pre-Marital Training?
This is a critical step to having a successful and vibrant a marriage. People who skip or reject this training process are not serious about having a love that lasts. At minimum, here are the areas that must be covered:
• Understanding what True love is
• Understanding and honoring the marriage covenant
• Communications 101
• Conflict resolutions 101
• Understand a man’s needs
• Understanding a woman’s needs
• The dangers of being unequally yoked
• The duties of the husband
• The duties of the wife
• Recognizing love, sex and relationship booby traps
• Recognizing pre-marital pitfalls
15. Are You Willing To Participate In Pre-Marital Counseling?
A person who is not willing to engage in pre-marital counseling with a potential spouse is literally a walking time bomb. Their unwillingness or refusal clearly reveals that they have rejected the Written Word of God, (See Proverbs 1:20-33 and Proverbs 15:12,22). That makes them a dangerous person. Never proceed with marriage plans with a person who is unwilling to participate in pre-marital counseling. Never!
Whew, you can take a much needed breather! The self-examination is finally over, how did you fare? Are you ready for love? Or, do you need to make some adjustments first before proceeding forward?
© Copyright Gillis Triplett. 2004 - 2005 - All Rights Reserved. International copyright secured.
Web Site: Gillis Triplett - Director of the Naked Truth Seminars
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|Reviewed by saran kapak (Reader)
|"pulling yourself out of the market" sounds like a good idea but a bad one to build a good lasting relationship. You make it sound like guys just want to reap the benefits of our internal work/therapy without doing a thing to make us actually trust them and build rapport.It's like someone receiving a whole package without having doing anything to deserve or winning the lotto without even playing...Why do men have these expectations? Why can't we work together through certain issues instead of being single for long periods of time until all wounds are healed? what if that takes years and years, are we supposed to endure it all alone? what if the wounds need healing with someone else presence and not alone in a room always in introspection?|
|Reviewed by Arnita Williams (Reader)
|Better Late thn Never. Blessings to the Author for sharing this word of knowlege to help prepare the body of Christ for happy successful relationships and marriages|
|Reviewed by cheryl johnson (Reader)
|i really wish someone would have had this talk with me when I was growing up. It sure could have saved me a life time of pain and deep disappointment. I will make sure my children are armed with this website! Thank-you!|
|Reviewed by Julie Donner Andersen
|#8 Soul Ties...this is a tough one for women about to marry widowers - those whom I address in my book. Most widowers will always love their late wives, so severing that "tie" seems impossible, even though biblically, it is the only acceptable defense for remarriage.
|Reviewed by Erina Kaika
|Yes! I am Ready for Love...I am so glad I found this site, and got to read your Check List, it has just confirmed to me more that I am on the right road at long last. And that God's Blue Prints for a Successful & Happy fulfilling Marriage is the right road. This has made me so, so happy...for almost twenty month's this coming 7th day of May, I have been on a journey of learning and experiencing what "True Love" is really all about, even though I have read about it untold times from my Bible etc...and from other sources...and the importance that God put's on a Man & Woman who truly love each other about how they are to treat each other.|
|Reviewed by Ch'erie de Perrot
|Once again, the most sage advice here. Unfortunately I spent so many years oblivious, either unintentionally or willingly ignorant and ended up suffering so much unnecessary torment.
Well, after all said and done, God has been able to turn things around, with two willing hearts, married life looks better every day.
Ironically my spouse is now facing lung disease, and the whole family is suffering from that, but are closer in other ways, never utilized before. Oh dear, what it takes to wake up, literally back to the wall.
TY once again, you have inspired me.