Much like diving my friend, but this time, I don't need O2 tanks.Just tell you straight, that a new layer has opened for me. It is there all the time..I see it all the time...yet my eyes was working more like camera so just sending information which brain fail to interpret.
I trained my self with a kind of meditation to see my self through Mirror, starting more like self introspection during night before sleeping. But the meditation progress was like walking on a limb leg. More and more I surrender my self to anger, to pain seeing ways of things around me. Day to day pain, become hour to hour, and at the most frustrating point, it went second to second. No need to mention how bad was the headache I got from that.
failure comes from each corner I throw my eyes at. Nothing seemed right. In order to keep walking, I change myself into robotic being. Even with the robot inside..I don't pray anymore... but I cry.During the cry..I let my heart shout and yell, though I did not pay attention to what is inside the yell, and ......yes,..... it could be very fear consuming.
Then I read books, as many as possible, to have lone time, hey one book really catch my attention of "being strong". I read the same author book several years ago, which not really cacthed my blurred eyes that time.
Decision made, Grandpa Goggle opened, this Fb was really restructured by having only very selected 15 friends in list.
New friend made...somebody come in the middle, offering me purest compassion an an open heart. I passionately grab what she offered, my flesh is like dancing...too fast so she step of a little bit. I shoot her a question, but didn't lower the dancing speed.
step by step my opening heart won the anger inside, reducing the pain greatly..so i dance even faster, almost ignoring anything..
in the matter of minutes the pain came back and, I choose to stop. the tiny litle chink is kept open in my heart.The grandpa Google browsing and the friend adding continued. The fear of loosing somebody was so big that I need to find a way to invite her in again.
Meditation done like there was no tomorrow, hoping that it will help find a way not to loose this friend...yet still the limb leg answering.
Since asking forgiveness was not enough for me.
There came a note "Nothing to fear", my eyes were half opened, things were more beautiful. Not only see, I can sense the unconditional love of my wife and daughter.
Fb and meditation start to be the medicine. The hunger in doing it, can put aside my two precious family.
JUST TODAY my friends
Meditation and dance are actually the same...if one implement them in daily life.
As if diving now my friends, I am inside the ocean of love and reluctant very to snif up the surface.
As diving now my friends, the beauty I usually seen, become a new and seems like smiling.
Thank you my friend
without each one of you I would not reach this stage.
I found both the boat and the harbor