Back to Center
edited: Tuesday, November 09, 2010
By Marcia B. Roberts
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Posted: Tuesday, November 09, 2010
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Discusses suggestions for how to recover from Domestic Violence and Abuse.
"Chronic mistreatment gets people to doubt themselves. Children of abusive parents know that something is wrong, but they suspect the badness is inside of them. Employees of an abusive boss spend much of their time feeling that they are doing a lousy job, that they should be smarter and work harder. Boys who get bullied feel that they should be stronger or less afraid to fight. When I work with an abused woman, my first goal is to help her regain trust in herself; to get her to rely on her own perceptions, to listen to her own internal voices. You don't need an "expert" on abuse to explain your life to you; what you need above all is support and encouragement to hold on to your own truth. Your abusive partner wants to deny your experience. he wants to pluck your view of reality out of your head and replace it with his. When someone has invaded your identity in this way enough times, you naturally start to lose your balance. but you can find your way back to center."-Lundy Bancroft, "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" Mr. Bancroft is correct. You can find your way back to center. For me, the first step was making the decision to never, ever have intimacy with my ex again. When I told him, he cried. I felt awful. Guilty. Like I was making the worst mistake ever and hurting him beyond repair. Later, he told me that was the day he stopped loving me. So, I can gather from that information, that he only loved me if I was willing to have sex with him. :/ Ouch! Next, I began to educate myself about Domestic Violence and Abuse and I began to write about it all...my feelings, experiences, how it lined up for my kids and I with the research. I began to talk to people about my experience, not counselors as I had done earlier, but regular people. All these things helped me return to center. I also took a job teaching asap(only subbing but still good). I am a teacher, a very good one, and had been out of the school system for years because I home-schooled my kids. I had to remember who I was before the abuse. I am still the same girl! I was in here all along, safe-as-a-house despite his attempts to make me into something I will never be! I am still writing, reading, and researching...for me, it all helps. Find what makes you feel whole and do it! He may not like it, but if he loves you, he will respect it. If he does not stay with you, though it seems like the pain of a thousand swords or bullets, there will be someone who will love you for you. Don't let him tell you that no one else will ever want you. He says that because he is afraid of the truth. The truth is, you are beautiful and amazing and he wants to keep you for himself. Someone else will recognize that too, and that new someone will want you to be happy, not afraid, threatened, intimidated, or oppressed in any way!