I grew up with an alcoholic father whose unvoiced pain dominated my mother and four younger siblings. Shouting matches between my parents over my father’s drinking was interspersed with periods of silence where everyone retreated inwardly to their separate corner of the two story farm-house. An atmosphere of emotions of anger, rage, fear, and depression ruled.
I withdrew for safety, numbed all types of feelings, including suppressing anger, and became depressed without ever knowing it.
I avoided expressing any types of emotions, for emotions meant pain. In later life, friends commented on my “stone face.”
As a young teenager, my main motivation for years involved getting away from the family pain as soon as possible.
Only after my first intimate relationship in my early thirties did I recognize I needed to make some major inner changes. Neither of us had any emotional skills of knowing and communicating our feelings. We experienced emotional hell for three years unaware of the unconsciousness agony buried deep within each of us.
I had no clue when my girlfriend asked how I felt. My fear of expression kept me numb. So I would say, I don’t know, which frustrated Angelique who wanted more emotional intimacy.
During my relationship and after it ended, I began to experience tension in my chest. At thirty-three, I feared a heart attack. I realized in needed to deal with my emotions.
For the next eight years I became more familiar with my emotions, first while living in the Center for Feeling Therapy’s psychological community for two years in Los Angeles and then persevering in two intimate relationships.
In the relationships, I lived most of my life on a roller coaster of tremulous emotions. In addition, an undercurrent of quiet depression, fatigue, and emotional heaviness surrounded me. First, I tried therapy with psychiatrists and psychologists. Therapy helped in emotional opening, however, the pain continued. Fortunately, this led me to study energy healing, which took me beyond my mind and psychology. For over forty years, I have received assistance in emotional and energy healing. Professional energy healers using some form of healing Light or using a combination of energy and deep tissue massage assisted me. A majority of these healers could see or feel where I stored trapped energy in my body. In addition, I developed my own sense of feeling and knowing. Whenever I began to feel tension, low energy, emotionally out of sorts or irritated, I knew this indicated the surfacing of another layer of an emotional pattern.
In 1991, after years of personal healing and studying and practicing energy healing, I received the gift of bringing through an aspect of the Golden Light for speeding up the healing within others and myself. Since 1991, my release of limiting thought forms and emotional patterns of pain has accelerated each year.
Discover more about your emotions with the eBook, Emotional Health: The Secret for Freedom from Drama, Trauma, and Pain. It is an owner’s manual describing practical methods to release your physical and emotional chronic pain, suffering, and emotional distress.
Email for FREE chapter 1 plus 20 question quiz to evaluate your level of Emotional Wellness.
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