Overcoming Shyness, Or the Hour Glass Phenomenon
edited: Thursday, February 03, 2011
By David John W StClair
Not "rated" by the Author.
Posted: Thursday, February 03, 2011
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David John shows effective ways to overcome shyness easily
When i read a new blog article - i feel that a few minutes of relaxation, entertainment and easy learning are about to happen. I allow my brain to rest as my unconscious mind will do all the learning for me. Sometimes i donīt even notice how tension in my muscles diminishes and the rhythm of my breathing supports me to have fun as i continue to read.
Once it happened to me that a friend asked me "making a picture in your mind seeing you twice as relaxed as you are now how great would that feel as you continue to learn only those bits and pieces being very helpful for you at an unconscious level?"
I loved his question because relaxation is a state i especially enjoy at moments where to relax is really appropriate for me. I must have been born as a curious person because having enjoyed this playfulness once i let it accompany me as a tool for the moments that are exactly perfect to play with my mind to enjoy changes i like.
This led me to the idea to make up an other picture in my mind seeing me 3 times more relaxed and curiously learning as i am now - well this felt even more pleasant and became an automated process for these magical moments i didn't even had to notice that i didn't need to be tense when feeling relaxed lets me access my resources much better. I bet you know similar feelings, will you? People can change towards their desired directions without hard effort!
A few weeks ago a man asked me for advice how to overcome his shyness wanting to be able to talk to women, enjoy interesting conversations and nice new contacts. If we were born naturally shy we wouldn't have been able to yell at the nurse in the maternity room - quite an early approach to flirting wasn't it?
During our journey to make experiences we learn that yelling is not the most appropriate way to apply when it comes to make women happy or just arise interest. Isn't it an empowering wonder how capable of learning we human beings are? Shyness is considered to be one of the most limiting problems people have to deal with regarding relationships. But who of you remembers exactly what you ate 467 days ago? I donīt because i know even in my conscious mind that its a great capability to forget what we donīt need anymore. A way of thinking this man was about to add to his bouquet of resources soon.
The man - lets call him Dave - was one of the best free climbers in the area and had conquered quite a bunch of risky rocks before feeling this "special freedom to be a winner" like he called it. Something we all might have in common - the desire to feel like a winner inside out. My friend James called it the "hour glass phenomenon".
Working as a consultant himself we once sat together enjoying a glass of champagne when he told me:"You like me very much might have experienced people full of visions, dreams and motivation, who never succeed because of that virus i call procrastination!"
I smiled understandingly. The "hour glass phenomenon" describes a human behaviour driven by the fear to enter unexplored territory. As our unconscious is always at our side this might be a glorious adventure to experience that we are never alone enjoying more support than we ever expected. People feel the desire to change something in their lives when they sense discomfort in their present state longing to find solutions, the wish to change becomes stronger. Returning to our friend the hour glass the upper part is filled with dirt, crap and all the waste we already could have gotten rid of - but we have come so familiar with it that we feel safe surrounded by this waste.
I wouldn't say that a dolphins mind is much more intelligent than a humans but the following story might fascinate you as you feel ideas flowing into you. Dolphins receive fish as rewards for certain tricks they perform. Now as the trainers donīt want them to do the same stuff over and over again - sometimes there is no fish for the trick. As most would try the same thing over and over again "because it has been successful in the past" - no matter that it failed many times in between to get the desired results - the dolphin jumps out of the pattern and literally "invents" new tricks it never had performed before.
Nice pattern to get used to - a so called auto pilot for creativity and unconscious adjustment whenever you estimate your options to be limited unconsciously evolving into your inner creativity machine.
Now creativity was exactly what was needed in this particular phone sales training i was hired to do some time ago. The CEO told me that something must be wrong with his team. "Well we have a new employee for fourteen days now and he seemed very skilled during the interview and the first week but when he didn't sell as much cars as he expected he turned into a fountain of panic each time the phone rang."
Hmm "smells like a fear of rejection" i reckoned to myself as i decided to invite this gentlemen to McDonald's to enjoy the Hamburger miracle. His boss had answered my question what this man nearly was addicted to with "hmmm Hamburgers!" As he was enjoying the first one i took the next, removed the upper part and peeled everything away except the meat. Then i looked deep into his eyes, changed my voice tone, voice tempo and tonality (there are still people who believe that voice tone and tempo doesn't have an effect on conversations and change work can you believe that?).
"Look at this gorgeous Hamburger as you relax deeply and take all the wonderful memories of excellent feelings related to Hamburgers with you.Have you ever noticed that none exactly looks the same yet so seductive and delicious. Little hills and valleys, streets and even one or the other highway magnetically waiting to be conquered as these great feelings double like an irresistible wave. So many great and delicious different tastes whether you taste the meat first or other ingredients you wouldn't reject one of them or being afraid of rejection would just be ridiculous as its about pure joy and opportunity.
Some feelings are just phoney and illusions as you know that limiting feelings about phone are just phoney being washed away by the wonders as your excellent feelings double - yes double them again - looking closer at this Hamburger it seems as if a whole planet waiting to be enjoyed is right in font of you as you suddenly forget everything that had to do with rejection and phone sales because youīre flooded with golden opportunities with each phone call you adjusting and enriching your options with every possible sale not closed because the person at the other end just wasn't smart enough to have your nose of opportunities.
Well you donīt need to know when you had become an expert having great feelings of confidence at your job as the ability to enjoy Hamburgers expands widely saturating each field of your life profits now as these great feelings permeate through your ability to enjoy relationships with other people without knowing when exactly the fear of rejection had transformed into the utter desire to enjoy each opportunity as you instantly give your best still improving your skills each day.
And as you return to me into the present now the infinite options of the planet you had looked upon now will stay with you for the rest of your happy, healthy and successful life as you just look at this Hamburger as if its an extraordinary great tasting meal every now and then according to your enhanced healthy nutritional lifestyle. Let the games begin!"
He looked at me quite surprised. "Have i been daydreaming for a while?" I smiled at him and replied: "Hmm looked as if you had real fun. Now what is it about your job? Iīm here to help you.
"Gee, my job i have to leave sorry there are places to go and people to be and sales to be made!" Thanks for your invitation but i hope you donīt mind me hurrying to work now."
I accompanied him talking to his boss for quite a while as we watched him from the distance. Any time the phone rang he grabbed it with a smile on his face and if you believe it or not he sold 4 cars within the next 60 Minutes.
Quite interesting with paradox cushions in peoples lives. There is way to much procrastination but people donīt procrastinate to procrastinate. Or letīs look at the fear of failure. People never strive to fail with failure.Try it and challenge your options to fail immediately with your fear of failure. People can become experts in new fields easily. Maybe your unconscious mind wants to achieve an MD in mastering to procrastinate with procrastination so that you find more and more great opportunities you grab successfully turning them into cash and intense nice feelings? Happy studying as you sleep peacefully and refreshing!
Can we really be sure about the true intelligence of dolphins? Whatīs for sure is that people who can read are easily able to learn from dolphins at an unconscious level.
A miracle that happened to my friend after the third glass of champagne we enjoyed. He suddenly looked at me smiling as if Einstein had just invented the relativity theory. "Hmmm one way of solving the hour glass phenomenon might be to replace the fear of entering new unknown territory with the utter lust and joy to close a far better deal leaving the waste and crap arriving at the promised land with the belief that one of the greatest miracles in life is to conquer new challenges with vibrant access to your many resources and abilities you learned along the way reading here the label on the champagne bottle promises unforgettable taste of luxury - life can be just like that, wonīt it?"
"Hmm let me live it and tell you what i think about it as this feeling to enjoy life as much as champagne or anything healthy that implies the same to you lays an other diamond brick to my inner mansion where i as king rule my thoughts and decide the directions i want them to ripen and harvest their fruits!"
Fruits where always in the bag of Dave climbing these rocks accompanied by the feeling to be a winner. As he gained the "criticism shield" around him invisible but effective his unconscious set it up for him that everything having humiliated him in the past vanished like ice in the sunshine as those people who had imprinted him with the illusion that he would be shy for the rest of his life just had nothing better to do at this time than to project their limiting beliefs onto him as he gained the freedom to only "buy" from others from now on what was nurturing and blissful for his whole being. Comforting and motivating to have a criticism shield at work isnīt it?
Successfully standing on this huge rock he just climbed knowing that nothing could ever go wrong with the taste of the most delicious fruit on his tongue now he looked at the world from above where formerly big problems melted and appeared so little that i handed the chewing gum of attractiveness to him to chew the best tasting attractiveness and self worth sweets heīd ever taste to let these feelings fill him up radiating throughout his entire being from now on.
Traveling into the future in his mind he saw out of his own eyes talking to many different women about many different interesting topics accompanied by pure integrity and kindness having the fun of his life with each woman he approached to enjoy a nice conversation or whatever would unfold. And each try which didnīt lead to a nice conversation would just fill him up with the promise to enjoy an other satisfying conversation soon.Seemed that his unconscious became an expert in being to shy to be shy as the wonderful feelings he had so much talking with women propelled him into a magnetically desired future.
One year later i met him again. Dave was in a truly happy relationship with a very beautiful and honest woman. He told me about his secret: "Every evening when iīm humble and thankful for all these easy changes and learning i make a picture in my mind where i am twice as happy with her as i am today hmmmm thatīs a kicker man!"
I enjoyed talking to him as much as i enjoy reading blog entries because there is always so much to learn and iīm not to shy to thank everybody i had the pleasure to learn from up to this moment as i am returning fresh, relaxed and happy into the present to wish you all a wonderful blessed time,
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