There are many things in this world that can bring the soul joy. It could come in the form of laughter of children at play or in the glorious sunrise that marks the beginning of a new day. However, nothing, absolutely nothing brings my heart more joy than to see my wife Leah offer up her smile to me. Nothing surpasses the radiance of her blue eyes when they are free from hurt and pain. Of late her eyes have dimmed and her smile that brings me solace has fallen into the dark areas of the heart through sudden illness.
I have tried to release my own pain in seeing her suffer through my writings; but alas this is only a salve placed on an open and gushing wound. Comfort comes in different ways for the millions of souls that face such heartache each day. However as I sought comfort in my verse I realized that I was merely seeking solace in an object that could provide none.
True comfort comes only in a peace that passes all understanding and there is only one who can provide such peace and that is God. I have always believed in God though much of my life. As a young man I thought that I had developed a personal relationship with Him. However as I look back now I can see that I was only scratching the surface of something much deeper than I ever could imagine. Soon afterwards I found myself in a freefall from grace in a manner of speaking as I let the actions of a few (religious) people sour my outlook on what it means to serve God. Even tough I “still believed” in God, I did not act like I did. I knew God; but only from a distance and only then on my own terms.
I grew closer to God when I met my wife Leah some twenty odd years ago and thought I was in pretty good standing in the faith department; boy was I wrong. I have discovered so much about myself these last few weeks and I realized that I know nothing of the mind of God. My wife on the other hand has always been planted firmly on the solid rock whereas I shifted side to side on a foundation of sinking sand. I can tell you something firsthand, this only works for awhile. There will and I promise you this, there will one day come a time when there is a decision you must make. It is a decision that will truly impact your life and the way that you live it.
I have been around the block of life enough times to know that there are a million and one thoughts and ideas on how we think God ought to be. You will have people argue religion until the cows come home (that’s usually around sundown for all you city folks) Nevertheless, religion will not get you that one on one relationship with God. Neither will giving God those two hours a week each Sunday. A relationship with God is a learning process, one in which He is the patient teacher and you are the apt pupil. However I truly digress from the original intent of this article and that was to reiterate to myself through writing that there are so many things in this life to be thankful for.
I never imagined once that I would be the sort to focus on the negatives that unfurled before me, yet I also never even conceived the thought of an illness striking so close to my own heart. Often we miss the wonders of what God has offered us in this world by always focusing on the negative aspects of every day life. I am guilty of this as I am sure if through honest examination of oneself that many out there are also guilty to some degree.
Last night the 8th of June I found out what it means to truly trust God. I became broken, and I wept openly for Leah in front of her; something that I had only been doing in private. This was not good for her to see this, but I could not help it for I had focused entirely on what I saw in the natural and dismissed (Faith) and what I could not see in the supernatural. I totally surrendered my thoughts and emotions last night and asked God for His peace and comfort. As I conclude this article I cannot positively sit here and tell you that I will never do this again for I am human and He knows that; he knows out frailty and is longsuffering in His love for us.
Why did I write this? I’m not sure for certain, however if there is just one person out there who will read this a garner something from it, then I suppose that is why I wrote it. Therefore with all things said and done I strike out on a bold new adventure and seek to solidify my understanding of faith, of God and of peace that does pass all understanding.
I also want to extend a special thanks to Karen and Karla of the den for their support through prayer for Leah and me at their church and all the others as well who have continued to pray for us.
Leah had a good day today after two very bad ones...through faith we shall stand.
1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
J. Allen Wilson 6/9/08