Cartoons Were More Fun When They Were Funny
edited: Saturday, March 18, 2006
By Bob Holt
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Saturday, March 18, 2006
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There used to be a time when cartoons were used to find humor and make people laugh. Honest.
This week, we are forced to take another look at a very important part of the entertainment media. Recent worldwide events have raised serious questions about just how far freedom of the press in the Western world should be allowed to go. And in the past many Christian organizations have been making bold accusations about this particular part of the entertainment business. It seems that the evil cartoon industry is at it again.
Yes, it was just last year when Spongebob Squarepants was found participating in a video which allegedly promoted a homosexual agenda. And now Danish cartoons have brought about numerous violent demonstrations. Meanwhile, the Great Dane Marmaduke, who has reportedly never been spayed or neutered, continues to wreak havoc in the newspapers on a daily basis.
There used to be a time when we read cartoons hoping to get a laugh. All right, with the possible exception of Sally Forth, Nancy, and the current Garfield. Well, in the interest of respect for all concerned, we wanted to get back to the drawing board, so to speak, to get some answers. And thanks to the Freedom of Information Act and President Bush's domestic surveillance program, we were able to find out exactly what kind of intentions some of these cartoon characters had.
We realize that the idea of wiretapping is a debatable issue. A lot of people still think that President Bush's government is a form of plutocracy, where the wealthy among us make all of the important decisions. But we say that if certain cartoon characters are allowed to remain out of control, our plutocracy will become a government which is run by Mickey Mouse's dog Pluto.
First, we were able to pull the CIA file of the Bullwinkle Show's top villain, Boris Badenov. Badenov, also known as The World's Greatest No-Goodnik, was born and lowered in Pottsylvania, and graduated magna cum lousy from USC (The University of Safe Cracking), where he majored in bomb throwing.
Little has been heard of Badenov since the end of the Cold War and he has gone into virtual seclusion. He is not considered a threat to our homeland security. We learned that he spends his spare time working on his Fireside Crook Book with his live-in companion, Natasha Fatale. When he was reached for comment, Badenov only replied, "Sharrup you mouth!"
Elsewhere, around the mid 1990s a pair of genetically engineered cartoon mice known as Pinky and the Brain began making a lot of noise at the ACME laboratory. This, of course, was the same firm which supplied many faulty devices to another cartoon super genius, Wile E. Coyote. We intercepted tapes of one of their lab sessions from 1998:
PINKY: What are we going to do tonight, Brain?
BRAIN: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.
Putting two and two together, we considered these two a threat to homeland security. Since we haven't heard from Pinky or the Brain for some time, we contacted the ACME laboratory to learn what they were doing these days. We found out that the Brain was semi-retired.
ME: Brain, I was concerned about your past activities because the United States has had a lot of homeland security issues in recent years.
BRAIN: Very interesting. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
ME: I think so Brain, but we'll never be able to get a trampoline and the Rockettes over here at this hour.
So the first cartoon characters we contacted appear to have learned their lesson. And we've learned of a few others who are trying to work for the benefit of society. The website of an organization you may have heard a little about has created a section known as FEMA For Kids.
They use a cartoon crab as a spokesman, as opposed to the more appropriate snail. Realizing that the top thoughts on any child's mind during adolescence are playtime, the opposite sex, and thermo-nuclear war, Herman the crab says, " This site teaches you how to be prepared for disasters and prevent disaster damage. You can also learn what causes disasters, play games, read stories, and become a Disaster Action Kid. A story about my search for a disaster-proof shell is great reading too."
Assuming that your children come out from under their beds before they turn eighteen, you may also want to use the Parents and Teachers page.
And in the ongoing effort to give our impressionable kids their happiest childhood possible by conditioning them for any impending disasters, the National Security Agency is using seven comic characters as Crypto Kids, the code makers and code breakers of our country's future.
They include Crypto Cat, who speaks Navajo, the code language of World War II, Decipher Dog, a cryptanalyst who specializes in broadband networking, T Top, a turtle who builds computers, and a language analyst named Rosetta Stone.
Kwanza Gipson of the NSA public affairs office says that these characters were designed strictly to reflect only the official information contained within the main website. The site offers parents a safe online environment in which their children can learn, play, and discover all the fun of spying on their friends and neighbors.
Although the signs appeared to be good about the intentions of most cartoon characters, we couldn't quite feel satisfied without getting comments from one of the veterans of cartoondom's golden age when cartoons used to be for fun. After considering another one of the top recent news headlines, we contacted Warner Brothers own small game hunter, Elmer Fudd.
Fudd, believed to be 66, is wetired, I mean retired after contracting a severe case of rabbititus on his last hunting trip. We sat down with Fudd in the game room of his Victorian rancher in Florida for a brief discussion.
ME: Have you ever had any accidents similar to Vice-President Cheney's during your days as a hunter?
ELMER: Unwess you count Bugs Bunny tying my gun in a knot, no. And occasionawwy I would forget whether it was actuawwy wabbit season or duck season.
ME: But no incidents involving any other hunters?
ELMER: No. For some weason, no one else ever wanted to hunt with me. But I always fowwowed on cardinal wule to prevent accidents in the field during my days as a hunter.
ME: What was that?
ELMER: He doesn't have to shoot me now, he can shoot me when we get home.
ME: Do you think people should be treating this shooting as a political issue?
ELMER: Not at all. I weawwy weawwy wike it when Wepubwicans and wibewals awike can put their diffewences aside and use pwoper westwaint while using fiweawms.
ME: Finally Mr. Fudd, do you believe cartoon characters are promoting anyone's evil agenda these days?
ELMER: I think people should just weave us awone. We all need to show a wittle towewance. Now I have a question. Isn't Pat Wobertson a cartoon figure now?
ME: I think so.
ELMER: I knew thewe was a good weason I got out of the business.
Web Site: Lifestyles of the Unskilled and Mediocre
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|Reviewed by Ed Matlack
|Rufuz says he can do a better job than Marmaduke & rufuz is politically correct being fixed (though he didn't know he was broke)...as for the rest of todays cartoons, I gotta stick with Bugs bunny, Winnie the Pooh & especially Tigger too, though E'yore was the most profound jackass I have ever met, maybe we can get him to run for president...Ed|
|Reviewed by Kate Clifford
|Interesting, funny insight to todays cartoon situations.|
|Reviewed by Birgit and Roger Pratcher
|You've got a valid point here! Still, Pinky and Brains were somewhat cute...
Birgit and Roger
|Reviewed by Ian Thorpe
|Too right, we are allowing the pompous to take themselves far too seriously and get away with it.
I blame the law myself, we should not be allowing people to get sued because they made a rich person look foolish.
|Reviewed by Crystal Silver Angel (Reader)
|Reviewed by Ginny Greene
|Right you are. I still cherish the days were I could enjoy the Flintstones.|
|Reviewed by Jennifer Butler
|And speaking of the Cold War ... What's wrong with a little cold shoulder toward the nay shun that's Rushin' ya?|
|Reviewed by Tinka Boukes
|Thanks for the insight....cartoons did change ALOT!!
Thats why I don't even bother to watch it anymore!!
|Reviewed by Mr. Ed
|ELMER: I think people should just weave us awone. We all need to show a wittle towewance. Now I have a question. Isn't Pat Wobertson a cartoon figure now?
ME: I think so.
I think so,too, and there are many others these days; and thanks for the update on old Boris; I've been wondering what he was up to lately.