Join | Login 

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

Signed Bookstore | Authors | eBooks | Books | Stories | Articles | Poetry | Blogs | News | Events | Reviews | Videos | Success | Gold Members | Testimonials

Featured Authors: Robert Davis, iMiranda Pope, iRobert Campbell, iRosemarie Skaine, iOdyssia Learning, im j hollingshead, iSteve Coltman, i
  Home > Humor > Articles
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Alexandra* OneLight*® Authors & Creations

· Become a Fan
  Notify me of new titles
  added by this author.

· 297 titles
· 2,508 Reviews
· Share with Friends!
· Save to My Library
Member Since: May, 2003

   My Blog
   Contact Author
   Read Reviews

· Antologia Poética Amante das Leituras 2008

· Antologia Poética Amante das Leituras

· Universes Beyond the Visible Elements of Dream

Short Stories
· DOG SOUL - Stories from the Park, with Love (LORD)

· Love-prickled to the core – (INDISSOLUBLE CONNECTIONS - VI)

· Acute & Chronic(les) by Otsana VII – To whose image did you say?


· DRAMATIS PERSONAE (Scripts & Staging of to be & not to be)

· Acute & Chronic(les) by Otsana VI - Of bread, silence and perceptions

· When a turkey barks (INDISSOLUBLE CONNECTIONS – V)

· Acute & Chronic(les) by Otsana – V – The Walk

· Acute & Chronic(les) by Otsana – IV – Coherent incoherence of memory

· Honour, heart, and… balls (INDISSOLUBLE CONNECTIONS IV)

· Animistic Anthropomorphisms – or how life is going on… and so am I

· Crime in the name of… Art! (PLEASE READ)

· The ultimate love controversy

· Self-Awareness & Beyond the Herd Insights (reflections of Sha’Tara)


· Book of the Year

· Joy at a Gallop

· Joseph* OneLight*® receives International Photography Awards

· Elements of Dream awakening the night

· Depatures and Arrivals – A Letter to my friends in AD and Beyond (Part I)

· Bird and the moment

· Alexandrism (Beyond the species)

· Encounter with a wolf (or Looking into the eyes of ONE)

· One more Alexandrism

· Alexandrism


· Alexandrisms

· And so we ensue

· Wordless (5-7-5)

· Stuffed Toy (a pet's plea to a kid's parent)

         More poetry...
· Quinta da Lage (Q. L.) Portugal

· The Legend of Albion

· JosePhotography* - NEW URL

· Onelight*® Updates!

· OneLight*® Authors & Creations * News

· Blazing Universe - A collection of colour photography

Alexandra* OneLight*® Authors & Creations, click here to update your web pages on AuthorsDen.

Dear readers,
I have no idea who the author or authors of these “definitions” may have been… but they sure are creative and soooooooooo funny, I couldn’t resist sharing them with you. Hope they’ll give you some good laughs! :0)
You’re more than welcome to add any I may have forgotten… or many new ones to TOP these! ;0)

The Top of:


  • Absent-mindedness – to lay your robe on the bed and then hang yourself on the door hook
  • Altruism – someone who takes full responsibility for someone else’s farts
  • Asses – the jack is trying to have sex with the jenny, when she shouts – “no, not there, you jackass! That’s my asshole!”
  • Bad aim – to throw a stone to the ground and miss it
  • Bad luck – in a soccer stadium, with 120.000 fans, 22 players, 10 reserves, 1 referee, 2 line judges and a bunch of policemen, the pigeon had to poop on YOUR head.
  • Cowardice – farts and runs from the smell
  • Dictators – represses his own farts
  • Distraction – to eat the napkin and then wipe your mouth with the steak
  • Dryness – a cow that produces only powder milk
  • Economists – finds a way to make his farts profitable
  • Endurance – a guy blowing up a bull’s butt until its horns go straight
  • Fatalism – farts and says “it was fate!”
  • Hardship – to catch fleas with a boxing glove
  • Haste – a guy about to make love, who says “oh, it’s going to be so good… wasn’t it?”
  • Hypochondria – farts and goes to hospital
  • Industry – to eat sawdust and to expel plywood
  • Irresponsibility – to have diarrhea and to risk a fart
  • Lethargy – to watch a snail race in slow motion
  • Mistake – a worm goes into a plate of macaroni thinking it’s an orgy
  • Noise – two skeletons making love on a tin roof
  • Old age – a man so old, so old, he no longer has spermatozoa – he has spermatossaurus
  • Organization – to eat an alphabet soup and to expel it in alphabetical order
  • Ouch – to slide down a banister made of razor blades and to land in a pool of iodine
  • Patience – to put a turd in a birdcage and wait for it to start singing
  • Providence – to be run over by an ambulance
  • Rebels – lives alone and runs away from home
  • Secrecy – I ain’t tellin’
  • Self-importance – to sign one’s anonymous letters
  • Slowness – to do a race by yourself and to finish second
  • Speed – to run around a table and catch yourself
  • Strength – to bend a corner
  • Stupidity – a guy calls another guy to ask him for his phone number
  • Tallness – a guy so tall, so tall, he had to climb a ladder so he could knot his tie
  • Thinness – a man so thin, so thin, he could walk in the rain without getting wet
  • Top of the tops – a guy standing on top of Mount Everest wearing a top-hat



For something completely different, read also: 

Web Site A thousand breaths (a poem)

Reader Reviews for "Tops"

Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by Mr. Ed 4/10/2007
Bad luck – in a soccer stadium, with 120.000 fans, 22 players, 10 reserves, 1 referee, 2 line judges and a bunch of policemen, the pigeon had to poop on YOUR head.

Happens to me all the time - but I always thought it was Good Luck!
Reviewed by Felix Perry 4/9/2007
Too funny, I did indeed pass them on. LOL

Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 4/9/2007
LOL, Alexandra, glad I stopped by and read this little numbers. Some are thought provoking, while others hit ya right between the eyes: well done.

(((HUGS))) and lov, Karla.

Books by
Alexandra* OneLight*® Authors & Creations

Antologia Poética Amante das Leituras 2008

Buy Options

Universes Beyond the Visible Elements of Dream

Buy Options

Antologia Poética Amante das Leituras

Buy Options

Humor Articles
  1. Like Grandma, Like Grandson and dealing wi
  2. Merry Atheistmas
  3. Silverstream Made Goddess Status
  4. Marinating on my TV
  5. The Toilet Seat Delima
  6. Hi it's me, the grouchy ladybug
  7. Lost C. Burnett Skit
  8. More Ponderisms
  9. Ten Signs It's Time To Take A Bath
  10. Conniving My Retirement
  11. A New Decade (Y2K Survivors)
  12. 2014 and 2015
  13. A Chuckle For You
  14. I'm Convinced!!
  15. Dad's Treasure
  16. Giving Directions
  17. Sex, Girls and Me in the Fifties
  18. Diary of a Crazy Bastard
  19. Psychology of Panties
  20. We Do Wait

You can also search authors by alphabetical listing: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen

© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.