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Alexandra* OneLight*® Authors & Creations

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Member Since: May, 2003

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Books
· Antologia Poética Amante das Leituras 2008

· Antologia Poética Amante das Leituras

· Universes Beyond the Visible Elements of Dream


Short Stories
· DOG SOUL - Stories from the Park, with Love (LORD)

· Love-prickled to the core – (INDISSOLUBLE CONNECTIONS - VI)

· Acute & Chronic(les) by Otsana VII – To whose image did you say?

· ODE TO THE SEA-SLUGS

· DRAMATIS PERSONAE (Scripts & Staging of to be & not to be)

· Acute & Chronic(les) by Otsana VI - Of bread, silence and perceptions

· When a turkey barks (INDISSOLUBLE CONNECTIONS – V)

· Acute & Chronic(les) by Otsana – V – The Walk

· Acute & Chronic(les) by Otsana – IV – Coherent incoherence of memory

· Honour, heart, and… balls (INDISSOLUBLE CONNECTIONS IV)


Articles
· Animistic Anthropomorphisms – or how life is going on… and so am I

· Crime in the name of… Art! (PLEASE READ)

· The ultimate love controversy

· Self-Awareness & Beyond the Herd Insights (reflections of Sha’Tara)

· A NOTE ON LIFE – WITH NOTES OF DREAM

· Book of the Year

· Joy at a Gallop

· Joseph* OneLight*® receives International Photography Awards

· Elements of Dream awakening the night

· Depatures and Arrivals – A Letter to my friends in AD and Beyond (Part I)


Poetry
· Bird and the moment

· Alexandrism (Beyond the species)

· Encounter with a wolf (or Looking into the eyes of ONE)

· One more Alexandrism

· Alexandrism

· REMINDER OF ALL THAT (HE) IS

· Alexandrisms

· And so we ensue

· Wordless (5-7-5)

· Stuffed Toy (a pet's plea to a kid's parent)

         More poetry...
News
· Quinta da Lage (Q. L.) Portugal

· The Legend of Albion

· JosePhotography* - NEW URL

· Onelight*® Updates!

· OneLight*® Authors & Creations * News

· Blazing Universe - A collection of colour photography

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Books by Alexandra* OneLight*® Authors & Creations
Dear readers,
I have no idea who the author or authors of these “definitions” may have been… but they sure are creative and soooooooooo funny, I couldn’t resist sharing them with you. Hope they’ll give you some good laughs! :0)
You’re more than welcome to add any I may have forgotten… or many new ones to TOP these! ;0)


The Top of:

 


  • Absent-mindedness – to lay your robe on the bed and then hang yourself on the door hook
  • Altruism – someone who takes full responsibility for someone else’s farts
  • Asses – the jack is trying to have sex with the jenny, when she shouts – “no, not there, you jackass! That’s my asshole!”
  • Bad aim – to throw a stone to the ground and miss it
  • Bad luck – in a soccer stadium, with 120.000 fans, 22 players, 10 reserves, 1 referee, 2 line judges and a bunch of policemen, the pigeon had to poop on YOUR head.
  • Cowardice – farts and runs from the smell
  • Dictators – represses his own farts
  • Distraction – to eat the napkin and then wipe your mouth with the steak
  • Dryness – a cow that produces only powder milk
  • Economists – finds a way to make his farts profitable
  • Endurance – a guy blowing up a bull’s butt until its horns go straight
  • Fatalism – farts and says “it was fate!”
  • Hardship – to catch fleas with a boxing glove
  • Haste – a guy about to make love, who says “oh, it’s going to be so good… wasn’t it?”
  • Hypochondria – farts and goes to hospital
  • Industry – to eat sawdust and to expel plywood
  • Irresponsibility – to have diarrhea and to risk a fart
  • Lethargy – to watch a snail race in slow motion
  • Mistake – a worm goes into a plate of macaroni thinking it’s an orgy
  • Noise – two skeletons making love on a tin roof
  • Old age – a man so old, so old, he no longer has spermatozoa – he has spermatossaurus
  • Organization – to eat an alphabet soup and to expel it in alphabetical order
  • Ouch – to slide down a banister made of razor blades and to land in a pool of iodine
  • Patience – to put a turd in a birdcage and wait for it to start singing
  • Providence – to be run over by an ambulance
  • Rebels – lives alone and runs away from home
  • Secrecy – I ain’t tellin’
  • Self-importance – to sign one’s anonymous letters
  • Slowness – to do a race by yourself and to finish second
  • Speed – to run around a table and catch yourself
  • Strength – to bend a corner
  • Stupidity – a guy calls another guy to ask him for his phone number
  • Tallness – a guy so tall, so tall, he had to climb a ladder so he could knot his tie
  • Thinness – a man so thin, so thin, he could walk in the rain without getting wet
  • Top of the tops – a guy standing on top of Mount Everest wearing a top-hat

^^^^^^^^


 

For something completely different, read also: 
 

Web Site A thousand breaths (a poem)
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Reviewed by Mr. Ed 4/10/2007
Bad luck – in a soccer stadium, with 120.000 fans, 22 players, 10 reserves, 1 referee, 2 line judges and a bunch of policemen, the pigeon had to poop on YOUR head.

Happens to me all the time - but I always thought it was Good Luck!
Reviewed by Felix Perry 4/9/2007
Too funny, I did indeed pass them on. LOL

Fee
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 4/9/2007
LOL, Alexandra, glad I stopped by and read this little numbers. Some are thought provoking, while others hit ya right between the eyes: well done.

(((HUGS))) and lov, Karla.

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