I thought that whipping out a quick blog about increasing a women’s libido would be easy. Libido is something I do not presently lack which is why I picked the topic. I figured it would be easy. Yet once I sat down to write, I stared at a blank page.
This troubled me. I can whip out a book no problem. Why can’t I whip out a simple blog? Then I laughed out loud. The problem was clear as day once I thought about it. There is no simple solution to increasing a woman’s libido, because women are not simple creatures. They are far too complex and multidimensional to be placated with a simple cookie cutter how to that would apply to all. After all, I should know. I tried many things before I found what worked for me. There are SO many different types of advice out there.
So, I decided to quite literally open my legs, and my own experience, and simply explain how I got MY libido back on track when it derailed several years ago. Well here goes…And remember, If I can do it anyone can. May the passion be with you! Because I believe we can all FEEL GOOD : }
- Treat your body with respect. If you’re overweight, lose a few pounds. Eat the healthiest foods you can. Lay off lotions and beauty supplies that aren’t organic. EVERYTHING you put in and on your body affects your mood, body chemistry, and health. Many drugs affect blood flow. Blood flow to your genitals is essential is achieving sexual pleasure. Increasing fruits and vegetables in your diet can provide the vitamins and antioxidants that will help maintain good blood flow to your sex organs. Make walking a part of your everyday life. Even just a short walk can revive the weariest of bodies. It also increases blood flow to your sex organs. I lost over 50 pounds just with walking. That was a definite factor in feeling better about me. Oh, and keep a handle on alcohol consumption. A couple drinks is fine to loosen up, but more can cause the reverse effect. Besides, staggering to the bedroom is not necessarily sexy. Learn to meditate, which is just a way of teaching you how to breathe and relax. I do it every day.
- TRY APHRODISIACS. I have used the following and can say honestly that, yes they worked for me:
*Vitamin E-applied directly to the vagina several times a week. It forced me to keep it all trim down there which was also surprisingly a turn on. The Vitamin E rehydrated and sensitized the sensitive tissue. It’s also great on skin and hair, and can be used as a lube during sex (It’s cheap too)
*Gingko- I believe it helped me with the excitement stage. It also helps improve memory. You’ll remember who you slept with J
*Arginine- I’m convinced this helped with blood flow to my genitals. After only a few days I was throbbing.
*Gingko- Another throbbulator.
*Ginseng- I felt more virile and energetic sexually; like I wanted to be on top. It also makes a tasty tea.
*DHEA I did not use it but have seen it recommended. I am adding it as a possibility for someone else.
3. BE HAPPY! Take time for yourself every day. Yes, EVERY DAY. Even 10 minutes doing something you love to do, or that relaxes you, will make you happier. Many women put themselves last in the household which is unwise in my eyes. How can you take care of everyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first? Yes, you can neglect yourself for a while. Some women neglect themselves for a very long time. The family thrives. Then one day something gives. You wake up and you feel ancient. I urge all women to take stock of their lives, no matter what age you are, and start taking care of YOU now. Do whatever makes you happy until you are overflowing with happiness. That happiness will spread to everyone around you.
4. SEXIFY YOURSELF. Maybe all of those worn out undies need to get out of your pantie drawer and stuck under the bathroom sink with the pads and tampons. Use them for your monthly. Replace them with fresh new pretty panties and bras, doesn’t have to be top of the line. Even dollar stores sell them. You’ll be amazed how they make you feel sexier even under the most boring clothes. Get an erotic movie. Watch it alone or with your partner with a locked door. Buy yourself some darn flowers whenever possible. I’ve been buying fresh gladiolas for months now ($1.99 a bunch) & put them next to my bed. Read erotic romance! There are books to fulfill your simplest desires or your wildest dreams. Most e-books are under $5.Surround yourself with sexy and you will feel sexy.
5. SEX TOYS! (My personal new favorite) Okay so I will get real intimate now. I had three sex toys since the age of 18. All were bought for me by male lovers. One was a hard plastic vibrator which I cringed every time I looked at it. It hurt. The other two were flexible rubber dongs (yay for the bending action) But they were so ridiculously huge that I felt I was being impaled by King Kong. The guys liked to watch me use them. I put on the required occasional show but otherwise did not touch them. So, that being said, I did not think of pleasure aids until later in life when I became single. I decided to face my fear of dildos and give them another whirl.
Instead I saw, online, clitoral stimulators, g-spot ticklers…all sorts of goodies. I was convinced that Mother Nature forgot to give me a g-spot until I received my Dr Laura Berman mini bullet with wand in the mail. I had no flipping idea how to use it so I Googled techniques. When I achieved my first sex toy induced orgasm I wanted to run down the street in slow motion like that scene from Chariots of Fire. I felt like Rocky when he won the title. You get the idea. So…I am now a HUGE fan of gadgets. They work if you get one designed for women, by women.
I also learned online that the advice to relax (by male lovers) to achieve orgasm was crappy advice for me. That’s what I was doing wrong all these years. When I actually should have been following my instinct to tense up! Here’s what I learned:
Myotonia is the type of muscle tension that helps women reach orgasm. It turns out that muscle tension is often necessary for an orgasm. Incorporating leg, abdominal, and buttock tension with the Kegel exercise is often the magic key. Squeezing the muscles you use to stop urine flow seems to be the most orgasm inducing contractions. So in this case, don’t relax if relaxing isn’t working! Use that clitoral stimulator and squeeze those inner muscles. You’ll be amazed at how intense your release is.
So those are the top 5 things I did to not only increase my sexual libido, but feel better about myself. I know exactly what women go through. Life doesn’t allow for one to lounge around in silk lingerie and indulge in pleasures of the flesh day and night. But you can grab those moments of available time an enjoy yourself. Why? Because I said so, and you deserve it!
Love & Warmth,
Dr. Laura Berman: