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The Slayer VanHelsing
By Dread Pirate
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last
edited: Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Posted: Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Vampire movies are many while Slayer movies few. Have you ever wondered about this???
A toast…
What we have had in the past is an unbelievable lack of attention to the vampire slayer in movies and books. How long has the vampire slayer been around? As long as there have been blood sucking abominations. How many stories have been written about the great vampire slayers as compared to their prey, the ever prissy, ever ‘romantic’, scourge of man, vampire? I can assure you, not many! Authors have romanticized, and even made heroes of, the vampire. These screen writers and authors may just be stone stupid or there is always the possibility that the writers may be on the ever juicy vampiric payroll. Perhaps they may somehow be attached to a vampire clan.
Movies about slayers are few and far between. Sure, there was John Carpenters Vampires. A movie about a team of vampire slayers working for the Vatican that traveled around the world in search of the immortal fang face. This crew was adapt, basic, and crude, and eventually got the job done in a slow, methodical, brutal manner in which you just had to love. However the script soon turned to chaos when a loan Master decided to exact revenge on the team for having interred a few of his close friends. The film further degrades when, instead of whacking an infected prostitute, the last two team members try to use her as bait. The degradation of the Slayer is furthered, when one of the best Slayers on the planet, gets ‘nipped’ by his feisty charge. What happens in the end? Instead of the remaining Slayer showing brilliance and whacking them both… he lets them drive off into the sunset so as to give them a fair head start. I do hope the Vatican pulled his Slayers Union card for that one.
Then comes the movie Blade. Hollywood just had to bastardize the entire concept of being a Slayer by creating a vampire that could walk in the sunlight (called a daywalker by the vamps.) with a chip on his shoulder the size of New York and a real blood lust for killing his own kind. All things considered the character was perfect. He had a total disregard for his own life, and an undying lust for the wackage of vampage. But where they screwed up was making this super Slayer a vampire. Then to top it off, they made him, of all things, an addict. His drug of choice was some sort of mystical magical formula that made his vampiric blood craving bearable. Please, spare me.
What happens in prime time TV shows like Buffy the vampire slayer? Same stuff different day. She might whack a few long in the tooth yuppies that break the after dark dress code, but that is about as far as it goes. Soon she is loafing around with a werewolf, and banging a vampire. Give me a break. She could not find a human to throw her the bone and a dog to play fetch with? And when the vampire does get overbearing and tries to rape her, Buffy the Vampire Slayer huddled in bathroom crying. Methinks a true Slayer would have ripped the vamps head from his shoulders and then feed the decapitated skull his balls for shits and grins? The later should have occurred. But for the scenes to play out in such a bizarre manner, there must have been Vampire Council financial backing of the show.
It would seem that no one has yet managed to capture the essence of a true Slayer. Well, accept for me of course, in my ebook, Birthright… Slayer. So, lets get a few things straight from the start. Slayers don’t date or screw vampires. They don’t like vampires. As a matter of fact, it is rather safe to say that they loathe vampires. Just as it is in the vampiric virus that taints the mind of an infected undead human to prey on humanity, the slayer is driven by a genetic code that is insatiable. Slayers must slay vampires just as the vampire must hunt humanity. It’s that simple. Slayers live, breathe, and eat, with a single purpose. Just as a hawk has no regret about killing its prey... the Slayer has no regret or no remorse when they whack a vamp. They are in the business of reclaiming humanity from the vampiric clans that rule the night.
Van Helsing has not been bastardized by the vamp infiltrated Hollywood. Let us further aspire that the name Van Helsing , after all these decades, still strikes fear into undead hearts and minds. After decades of disappointment, I can can say that this portrayal, his story, is based in the reality of slaying. Slaying the undead is not pretty, it is not easy, but it is done with a single-minded purpose. For once, the Slayer will is portrayed as the gallant, focused, and positively motivated individual!
To Van Helsing… may he, slay on… slay on!!!
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