Is she right for you?
edited: Tuesday, November 02, 2004
By Carmel S. Victor
Not "rated" by the Author.
Posted: Tuesday, November 02, 2004
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Who is miss right?
Find out more in this interesting article below.
While most guys will let on that it's fun to date and flirt with tons of women, many of us simply want to find the perfect lady to settle down with. But whether you're looking for Miss Right or Miss "Right Now," one thing's for sure: you need to be in the field in order to play the game.
Before beginning your hunt, it helps to know what you're looking for, as long as you keep an open mind when it comes to the ultimate lifelong companion.
So if your search for Miss Right is only leading you to lonely nights in front of the TV, then maybe it's time to shed those preconceptions about who Miss Right should be.
While it's great to enjoy dating, it's not enough to simply go out there haphazardly without a game plan of some sort. Looking for your perfect woman is simply not going to produce the kind of results you're hoping for. You have to know what Miss Right represents to you, so get in touch with your inner man and have a chat with him to see just what you really want out of your ideal lady.
In other words: Dater, know thyself.
At the risk of stating the obvious, every guy has different needs when it comes to relationships. Let's face it; if you're 35 and still living at home, you'll need to find a woman who will be okay with some dependence issues, as well as patient with your situation.
Keep these points in mind when assessing what Miss Right represents to you.
Evaluate her character traits
Understand which personality traits you tend to gravitate toward. Are you a man who prizes loyalty above all else? If you're a workaholic who's always on the go, should you really be looking for someone who expects you to be home all the time? Be sure not to put any woman on a pedestal before really understanding who you are and what you need.
Accept that she won't be perfect
Unless you're a narcissist, you've probably figured out that you have flaws. And she will too. Remember that scene in Good Will Hunting, where Robin Williams' character tells Will (Matt Damon) that it's not about whether a woman is perfect, but rather if a man and woman are perfect for each other? That's sage advice.
You won't be happy if you're settling...
Even if you don't have a ready example to refer to, don't worry. Once you get out there and date, you'll eventually develop your own methodology for figuring out what impresses you about a particular woman and what you absolutely won't tolerate.
Find out if she'll grow with you
Miss Right should evolve with you over time. You have to grow together and adapt to each other. As such, you need to keep in mind that any search for Miss Right must include a "long-term component" in the criteria. While you might easily find the perfect woman (that beautiful babe in the super-sexy leather miniskirt and stiletto heels) for the short term, realize that she won't look that way for the rest of her life. She may have legs that won't quit now, but you want someone whose mind and caring nature will survive the road test of life.
judge miss right for yourself
It's true that friends and acquaintances may try and influence you based on what they perceive is Miss Right. Don't be fooled into taking their beliefs on as your own. While it's helpful to receive advice, you need to also piece together bits and pieces of it as you see fit. Your buddy who married his high school sweetheart may not have the same insight as a more experienced dater like yourself.
On the other hand, your pal who's been married and divorced more times than Larry King is probably the wrong guy to look to for relationship hints. Your Miss Right will stand out only to you, not to them.
By the same token, don't look for a woman who'll be your mother (unless of course, that's your definition of Miss Right. If so, watch the movie Psycho). It's nice to have someone who takes care of you, but it's also great to have someone that you want to take care of. And speaking of moms, don't make the mistake of being with someone solely because your mother loves her.
If your parents are still married, ask them how they've managed to navigate the trials and tribulations of their relationship and learn from their experiences.
This is a pretty simple equation. If you don't date, you can't possibly meet anyone, let alone Miss Right. What's worse, you'll lose touch with the dating scene and in turn, lose your confidence and dating skills. This is something you absolutely cannot afford to do.
Women respond to a confident man. Without confidence, you're handicapping yourself before you even get started. You also run the risk of becoming bitter about the dating world. Afterward, all you'll be able to look forward to is a life of petting your dog and being way too up-to-date on what Marv Albert eats for breakfast every morning.
Even if it's been years since your last date, it's not too late to begin again. Reevaluate your outlook on dating, as well as your approach. Understand that your dating time frame is shorter when you're in your 30s and 40s; you're no longer out with your frat brothers looking for a kegger and a quickie. It may take a change in perspective, but it's worth the effort when you consider the reward.
Go out on dates and follow these four tips if you want to succeed in your search...
As I said before, going out on dates means that you're putting yourself where the women are -- a vital component to meeting a woman. Circular logic, it's true . But you can't dispute the obvious.
Follow these four tips to practice smart and effective dating:
1- Know what you value in women
Dating provides you with invaluable experience that helps you make informed decisions when it comes down to determining if the woman facing you is "Miss Right" material.
2- Learn from your past
Don't let bad past experiences hinder your chances for new dates. Sure, you may have squandered a few years here and there by being a player and foregoing any real commitments, but don't remain jaded because those women must have never really fulfilled your needs. Instead, learn from your past experiences (both good and bad) and realize that you require more in a lady now.
3- Date critically
By going out on more than one date with a woman before casting her aside, you'll discover character traits that you might not have seen during the initial dates -- and she can even become Miss Right. Remember; you can't knock someone right away. What you think you see is sometimes just a faηade due to her nerves, or the fact that she's also evaluating you in her search for Mr. Right. Let your maturity guide you and be patient before jumping to hasty conclusions.
4- Don't adhere to a rigid checklist
Even it's in the back of your mind, your checklist may not be flexible enough to accommodate unforeseen positive traits that need time to be revealed. Even if she doesn't have all 10 points on your list, don't rule a woman out right away. Adapt to the eight out of 10 points she does have, and she might just add points you never even thought of. In other words, don't set your expectations too high. So what if she can't cook? Maybe she's just as passionate about the NFL as you are. There will always be tradeoffs -- just keep an open mind and you'll find her.
The most important advice I can give you on your search for your lifelong companion is to remember all the lessons you've learned along the way. Stay open-minded and go on as many dates as you can until you're convinced you've found her. No more settling solely for Miss Right Now.
The perfect woman for you is out there, but she won't be the perfect woman you've created in your mind. Be adaptable and you'll ultimately catch the "one" who'll make you happy and whole for life.
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|Reviewed by Tim Krueger (Reader)
|Really good advice this should help a lot of people make the right choices. I also found that you should ask your partner lots of questions to find out how they really think or feel about topics. If you want to learn more check out my blog. http://questionsforrelationships.blogspot.com/
|Reviewed by Reginald Johnson
|Anyone looking for the "right" way to meet someone special, can't go wrong by applying the practical-down-to-earth advice ... in this marvelous article.|
|Reviewed by Paul Shakespeare
|Very good write and well thought-out...
I'm curious to know--how did you write this from a woman's perspective? Was this your experiences from the dating scene or
was it told to you from someone who have been through a many "trial and error" on this! <smile> You also forgot one important bit of advice: Please consult Proverbs 31 before proceeding.
Wishing You Much Success!
Roger D. Williams
|Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
|good advice, carmel! well done!|