The Mystery that surrounded the disappearance of the millions of shovel ready green jobs created by the 800 Billion Dollars stimulus has finally been solved.
Several months ago skeptics questioned whether or not the jobs ever existed. However, a senior government official immediately stated , “They were there, we saw em… millions of shovel ready green jobs. Then suddenly” Poof!“ they were all gone. Now we’re not sure if they were just misplaced or stolen.
The answer has finally been found hidden in a secret government report. Government investigators have been secretly tracking the world wide disappearance of shovels, machetes, rakes, lawn mowers, bird duty mirror and solar panel wiping clothes , wind mill blade adjustment wrenches and other green job tools and equipment.
At first they attributed the mysterious disappearance of many of these items to global warming. But after a week long series of interviews with Global Warming Al,, that avenue had to be discarded, when Al finally told them, “Hey Guys, I was just kidding about all that global warming stuff, all right! Can‘t you take a joke? “ The interview, however, wasn’t a total loss. Al was able to talk the investigators into hiring his global warming scientists for a few hundred billion bucks to study the relationship between UFO sightings and the disappearance of the jobs and implements. The investment paid off. Within two months the scientists produced 30 years of data that proves conclusively that space aliens have stolen the high paying shovel ready green jobs and implements. Yes, folks, the science is there and uncontestable! MYSTERY SOLVED!!!!
The good news is….After studying the report, congress has come up with a solution to resolve the problem. BS210..The Awarding of U.S. Citizenship to Space Aliens Act. Once passed and signed into law, the government can finally and proudly announce…The Job Stimulus worked!!!….Over 3,000,000 American Citizens now have high paying shovel ready Green Jobs. Let’s do it again!!!!