The Comprehensive Illegal Drug Industry Assistance Act.... 

Upon passage, the following will take effective immediately

All border patrol agents will be replaced by IRS, EPA, FDA, Dept Of Agriculture and Department of Education Agents.

The IRS Agents will insure that:

1. All required forms have be filled out in their entirety.

2.. All drug smugglers and street dealers have tax payer I.D.'s

3. All Drug suppliers have provided health care insurance for their employees and independent dealers*.

* Drug suppliers can opt out of the health care insurance part, provided they donate at least one million dollar or more to the right politician's campaign fund.  

The EPA Agents will insure that;

1. All plastic packaging for the drugs is biodegradable and made from recycled materials.

2. All bullets in the weapons carried by the smugglers and street dealers will be made of frozen distilled water, rather than lead, to protect the environment in the event of gun fights.

The FDA Agents will insure that:

1. All drugs are free of contaminates and meet the required potency levels

The Department Of Agriculture Agents will insure that:

1. All marijuana shipments are free of harmful insects and contain no chocolate.or pesticides.

The Department of Education Agents will insure that:

1. All parties who do not have the proper required paper work, and are not American Citizens, will be arrested and sent to California where they will be enrolled in a free degree program of their choice, at college.or university there.

All agents and agencies will provide all illegal drug suppliers, smugglers, and street dealers with a minimum of 400 detailed pages of forms they must fill out. and update daily .

FAQs 

Q. Won't all of this government regulation make dope too expensive for average person?

A. Well of course it will be too expensive for the little people. But the rich and privileged will still easily be able to afford it. After all, what's the sense of being in a privileged class, if everybody else has the same privileges.

Q. Won't all of this excessive government regulation put the illegal drug industry out of business?

A. That's a good question...Let me see what it's doing to the U.S. economy and I'll get back to you.