I was recently chatting with some one, and a very interesting topic came up, below is a comment the person made:
| xxxx says:|
You are absolutely right. Lack of communication or misdirected communication can be the death knell of a relationship. Plus it's always give and take. But if the husband works 14 hours a day to give a wife the comforts that she may expect then what? Any lessons learned?
Yes relationships need to be nurtured very carefully for there's always the danger that material things may not be enough.
My response to the comment follows, your views and or comments would be greatly appreciated...
A marriage/union should always be about give and take, but ultimately it is about “RESPECT” with respect follows everything.
Regardless of whether the man works 14 hours a day, if there is respect, there is understanding, with understanding there is nurturing, hence the building towards something that should be desired by both.
If it is an “expectation” from the wife, again I question was or is there respect? Life should not be about expectations but rather about progressive comforts. When “material things” come into play, it is fair warning that a marriage is on a downward swing, at least in my opinion, and I only say this as “material things” are a way of trying to fill a void.
Material things never satiate the desire, they just tend to accumulate and or become more demanding. What then happens is the resentment of the 14 hour day becomes an issue as ultimately you have all the material things, but still there is the emptiness, hence no respect regarding the man who has worked the long hours to attain the material things.
There is the other side too, when one partner gives openly and doesn't make demands encourages, nurtures and it’s all lapped up, but never reciprocated. That in itself is a lack of respect. She may not be out in the corporate world, but very often works longer hours. When she is ill, who takes over, she cannot afford to be ill, she cannot afford to have a headache etc. When he is away she has to be both mom and dad to the children. It certainly becomes too involved hence the reason I say there are many factors relating to a breaking point.
The most important things any couple should remember… respect, emotional support, and the reasons or factors that initially drew them together. Showing interest in what the other does, but being attuned to the subtle innuendos which should be recognized i.e. Whether she/he is not feeling good, perhaps need some time out, all the small things that in time get overlooked.
Have you ever noticed when a couple is courting, perhaps now a very outdated method but nonetheless, the brush of a hand, little whispered suggestive words, a stolen kiss, a flower picked from the garden, coming home and being greeted with enthusiasm… what happens? When do any of us lose sight of these things?
Is it not when we begin to lose respect?
This is but my analogy.