Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!


Featured Authors:  Richard Hardie, iDominic Caruso, iWalt Hardester, iPamela Taeuffer, iMiranda Pope, iGeorge Cunningham, iDiana Perkins, i

  Home > Relationships > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Tim Connor

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Success story
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· News
· Blog
· 55 Titles
· 27 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
Member Since: Sep, 2004


Subscribe to the Tim Connor Newsletter. Enter your name and email below and click "sign me up!"
Tim Connor, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.

Featured Book
Like A Flood
by Elizabeth Proske

Young missionaries cross paths with Colombian drug traffickers. Kindle Edition only $2.99!..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members

Relationship - acts of barter
by Tim Connor   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Posted: Tuesday, November 09, 2004

  Print   Save    Follow    Share 

Recent articles by
Tim Connor

Take the Nit-pickers and Naggers Quiz
Published authors wanted
Presents vs. Presence
Giving Gifts to Women
What is a sales professional
How sales pros differentiate themselves in the market place
Facing Challenges?
           >> View all

Are you giving to get or giving to give?

Relationship Tip No 227

Acts of barter.

There are many ways that people in relationships behave that directly or indirectly solicits appreciation, validation, respect, trust, kindness or thoughtfulness. Some of these are:

- Remembering special days or dates.
- Performing acts of service.
- Giving gifts.
- Active and involved listening.
- Being present.
- Acknowledging thoughtful acts.
- A simple thank you.

Obviously there are many others, too numerous to list.

What are acts of barter?

These are behaviors, attitudes, emotions, actions or words that are given with an agenda. The agenda is – if I give you something you want or need, I am doing it because I want or need something in return. Are acts of barter good? Bad? It depends on the circumstances.

Let me give you a couple of examples of acts of barter.

-You want or need appreciation so to create the guilt or psychological debt required you give something that you know your partner wants. In return you want your verbal appreciation.

-You want your partner to do something that is uncomfortable for him/her - it could be as difficult as flying on an airplane to a vacation destination (if you are afraid of flying) or as simple as entertaining some couples for a dinner party (you don’t like to cook entertain). What you want from your partner is more attention and romance. So, he/she temporarily gives you the romance or attention that you want in order to create the debt that you will give your partner what they want when they ask it of you i.e. flying or entertaining etc.

Acts of barter are when you have an agenda. You don’t do things for your partner because it is who you are or from your generous spirit, but from a manipulative and often conniving part of your psyche.

From time to time most of us will perform acts of barter either consciously or unconsciously to get what we want. This is not the problem. It is when either partner in the relationship uses these routinely and consistently to get what they want. The relationship then becomes one of constant negative influence that will tend to impact many other aspects of the relationship. Sooner or later you will discover that you are using these acts of barter for everything in the relationship. All acts of service are now done not out of love or service but guilt and manipulation.

Web Site: Connor Resource Group

Reader Reviews for "Relationship - acts of barter"

Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!

Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!

Reviewed by Phyllis Du'Gas
Popular Relationships Articles
  1. Why Jimmy Fallon Lost Nicole Kidman
  2. Dr. Romance asks: Are you addicted to your
  3. George Raft Helps I Love Lucy's Lucille Ba
  4. How to Grow Old Together
  5. The Good Boss and the Bad Boss: Motivation
  6. Do You Understand Emotional Intelligence?
  7. If You Tell The Truth, You Don’t Have To R
  8. How Does He Put Up With Me?
  9. Dear Dr. Romance: I recently discovered nu
  10. Are You Sex-Starved?

The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again by Tina Tessina

The inside scoop on getting back into the dating scene. Unbiased, no-nonsense advice on making dating fun, safe and successful. All the facts you need to take control of your dati..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List by Sam Vaknin

Hundreds of excerpts from the archives of the Narcissistic Abuse Study List regarding Pathological Narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists, and the Narcissistic Personal..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us

Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.