The day started out nice enough. The sun came up in the east as usual
with no tragic news unless you count the fact that it was going to be
another scorcher and even that wasn’t a shocking revelation.
I felt well other than the constant dull nausea but it wasn’t bad enough to
keep me from eating, so I guess that don’t count in the way of bad.
Not much keeps me from food but the queasiness does hamper my typically pleasant disposition and makes me kinda cranky.
I thought I lost my cell phone but after a few hours of searching and
calling for it, it found its way back to where I had left it. It is [for the most
part] a well disciplined phone in that regard.
So anyway, I was saying what a nice day it was.
I was going to have lunch with my husband and stopped in at the local
truck stop where they have a little Subway restaurant inside to pick us up
a sandwich. I always use two coupons. I know it says plainly on there
one per customer but the girls always let me get by with it and besides I
have been known to walk out and come back in just to use that second
coupon. Hey, that’s like two or three dollars. I’ll take a few steps for a
couple of dollars, heck yeah. I’d do it all day long and maybe get rich.
Well the manager was on duty and she is all military serious. She likes
for everyone to know she is the boss; trouble is other than scrutinizing
coupons she doesn’t manage things as well as the less important
people. But I give it a try and hand her my coupons. She feigns a smile.
Her eyes dart to my left, then to my right. She looks over my shoulder….
Uh – oh…One person - two coupons. That does not compute!
Here it comes. Looking over her glasses and frowning at me she firmly
announces, “Only one coupon per customer ma’am.” Right…
I told her she could keep the sandwich she made for me `cause I felt
like I had a stomach virus anyway. She got so flustered that she over
paid me in change, enough that it bought me some chex mix and a
Pepsi. I’ll have to thank her next time I stop by.
Lunch with the husband was nice but uneventful. What do you expect
after thirty years. I only go for the good-bye kiss, he is the best kisser, but
I digress.
Next stop Wal-Mart. Its not that I despise Wal-Mart I just really don’t like
to shop, any where. I guess if I have to do it then the one stop approach
is good for me.
Me and buggies have an issue. It seems I always pick the broken ones.
You know those that have a limp, a lump in the tire, need alignment or
something that keeps them from rolling smoothly. Bad buggies. It
makes for a very stressful shopping experience so if I can take a
moment to cull out the bad buggies I believe I am helping to create a
more harmonious atmosphere that in turn could lead to world peace.
Well I was doing just that, sorting carts and grooming karma when I
here, “Yo. Ellie May.” I ignored the voice initially because, after all that is
not my name.
Ah-ha. I find the perfect buggy, place my bag in the seat and put it in
drive. Again, that voice calling Ellie May. I look to see a young man
staring at me. I don’t know him so I smile and proceed with my
shopping list. I hadn’t gone five steps and I hear “Yeah, go on. Get your
Ellie May Clampett lookin’ ass out of the way.”
Oh my gosh he is talking to me. The instant that dawned on me the
buggy I had so carefully picked out became demon possessed and
charged at the young man pinning his hips to the cinder block wall.
Ellie who? I asked. But I didn’t let him answer before I informed him,
Son if I was Ellie May your ass would be hog tied and hung up by your
heels right now. The buggy backed up a little and jolted forward with the
corner catching the poor young man in the crotch.
And I’m not granny either but you ought to show a little respect.
He didn’t seem to understand the situation he had gotten himself into
and the buggy just kept pressing, looking for a tender spot to squeeze.
Boy, you don’t know it but this is a bad buggy. It has taken on a mind of
its own and may very well be demon possessed. I am trying to help you
out here but you’re gonna have to humble yourself a bit
.
I believe he thought I was insane by the look in his eyes and grimacing,
he finally relented, “I’m sorry lady.” I honestly believe he meant it, bless
his heart.
The buggy slowly went into reverse allowing the fellow room to escape.
We nodded at one another to know everything was okay and I once
again proceeded with my shopping. He on the other hand apparently
changed his mind and headed toward the exit.
It really turned out to be a nice day and I feel like I might have made a
couple of new friends. For that I have to thank coupons and bad
buggies.
_jrh 2011
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