Caesar Milan, the Dog Whisper on TV teachers the owners how to control their dogs by controlling their own energy. It is evident ( in most cases) that it is the owner- who needs an adjustment -which then corrects the pet’s behavior. When an owner fears or is anxious that the dog will not comply, the dog picks up the negative energy and takes the lead with its own behavior and not that of the human.
Similarly, parents need to alter their energy when disciplining their children. However, as I have written before many parents think that only the child needs an adjustment and ignore their own issues which may be impeding their ability to nurture properly.
As I was explaining this to a parent who I had guided to change negative behaviors in his children to positive, he said, “ Oh I get it. It is like calling a plumber to fix a leaky pipe, but all the plumber does is mop up the water and does not repair the pipe.”
His analogy is right on. Adult problems translate into acting out behaviors in their children. There are times where a situation or another adult-not the parent- is the cause of the problem. In those cases, it is appropriate to counsel the children by themselves. However, in most cases the origination of the problem goes back a generation or two. The deep seated causes of the adult creating the discord most be addressed and then the parents can utilise the correctional guide lines to improve the conflicts.
It all boils down to cause and effect. Find the cause and then deal with how to improve the effect.