AuthorsDen.com   Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Marty Young, iCheryl Carpinello, iAnn Marquette, iZannah Hackett, iDarryl Jenkins, iWilliam Wright, iJeff Ovall, i

  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Thomas J. Firth

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· Stories
· 11 Titles
· 9 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Jan, 2006

Thomas J. Firth, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.




Featured Book
FREE DOWNLOAD Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited EXC
by Sam Vaknin

The Free Preview includes excerpts only. The full print edition is available from Barnes and Noble. Both the print and electronic editions are available from the publishe..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members



The Little Plastic Do-Hickey Thing-A-Ma-Jig
by Thomas J. Firth   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Friday, July 06, 2007
Posted: Friday, July 06, 2007

  Print   Save    Follow    Share 

Recent articles by
Thomas J. Firth

Tom & Cathy's Christmas Letter
           >> View all

I should thank Simms Fishing Products for their generosity and especially Danielle Will for a sense of humor. The Little Plastic Thing-A-Ma-Jig is an actual letter I wrote to Simms one morning. Apparently I was in a mood!


 

THE LITTLE PLASTIC DO-HICKEY


THING-A-MA-JIG

 

Dear Simms waders people;

 

Frustrated beyond all rational reasoning I have decided to write in hopes you can help me with a small problem I have.  No, that cleared up after I got married.

What happened was this; last Christmas, my wife, Cathy, bought me a pair of your G-3 guide waders as a much deserved present.  I’ve wanted a pair of your waders for a long time, and bless her little pea-pickin' heart, she finally got it right.  I do, however, suspect she has an ulterior motive because she never gets me anything I really want unless she’s after something.  But no, that’s not the problem either.

At any rate, my problem is that little plastic do-hickey thing-a-ma-jig on the back of my waders that holds the shoulder straps in place.  It’s broken and beyond all repair.  How, you ask, could I possibly break a small piece of indestructible plastic that has a shelf life of perhaps 10,000 years or more?  I’m glad you asked.

While I would like to tell you the mishap occurred while I was defending my World Wrestling Federation Championship against The Undertaker last month in Cincinnati, Ohio, you no doubt would then question why in the world was I wrestling in my fishing waders, not to mention what in the world would possess anyone in their right mind to hold a championship in Cincinnati for God sakes?  Good point! 

And while I could explain to you with a straight face and deep sincerity that the little plastic do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig broke from severe trauma shortly after beginning my decent down K-2 in the Himalayas, having completed my goal to be the first man to climb the mountain in breathable fishing waders, when I tripped over a sherpa and tumbled head over tea-kettle down the north face all the way to base camp; you’d probably question why I wasn’t wearing neoprene waders instead.  Another good point!

The truth lay somewhere in between.  Actually, to be totally honest, nowhere even close.  What really happened was that somehow I got my straps crossed, kind of like when you get your seatbelt buckle twisted bass-akwards and it drives you nuts ‘cause the strap is all twisted, you know, like a brassiere strap.  Not that I know what a twisted brassiere strap feels like, and no, I’m not saying you would know that either, and it doesn’t matter to me if you do.  Anyway, unable to get the shoulder straps uncrossed, I attempted to open the little plastic do-hickey thing-a-ma-jig. 

Yep, you guessed it; I broke the little plastic do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig with my own two, bare hands, (We’ll not mention the screw driver, ball-peen hammer, and vise-grips as they probably weren’t really a contributing factor.)

At any rate, could you possible see your way to send me another one of those little plastic do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jigs and a set of instructions how best to install it?  That way I won’t look like such a spastic on the river and frighten folks away while trying to flip the straps over my shoulder and catch them when trying to put my waders on.  Other than the little-plastic-do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig, I love my waders.

 

Thank-you so much,

Thomas Firth.

 

--------------------------------------------- 

 

 Dear Thomas,

 

That is sooo funny!  You see, I too broke my little plastic do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig in a wrestling match, only I was wrestling a giant grizzly bear here in Montana!  Not really.  If you promise not to tell my bosses I will share my little secret with you.  While moving from one house to another I sat my micro-wave oven on it! 

I have sent you two little-plastic-do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jigs for your waders and they should be arriving sometime next week.  The instructions are simple; have your wife install the little plastic-do-hickey-thing-a-ma-jig.

 

Happy fishing, Thomas!

 

Danielle Will,

Customer Service,

Simms Fishing Products

Bozeman, Montana 59772

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!


Popular Humor Articles
  1. It's the Old Spice Guy: Look at Him, Now L
  2. The 2000 Year Old Man
  3. Merry Atheistmas
  4. J. Carson as R. Reagan
  5. Psychology of Panties
  6. Impromptu: Very Funny
  7. A Modest Proposal: Immigration
  8. How to Succeed in Media
  9. Marinating on my TV
  10. Dateline Orlando

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered by Jay Dubya

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered (Part I) is adult literature featuring adult content and language...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Man's Unofficial Guide to the Use of His Garage by Thomas Neviaser

This book is a humorous and informative guide to arranging a garage so as to transform it into a “Man's Castle”...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.