8 Steps to Healing Betrayal
edited: Wednesday, October 13, 2010
By Rene Remington
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Sunday, March 19, 2006
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This written to assist YOU. In a hope that you can go through this process at a pace that serves you well. Having experienced the PAIN of Betrayal from the person I love and having betrayed someone myself. I understand and know what it takes to Heal Betrayal. You CAN too.
FROM BETRAYAL BACK TO LOVE. Betrayal from the person you love is just about the worse pain you can feel. This can show up on so many ways. Whether from a relationship breakup, a divorce or a long standing friendship. Sometimes even when a person dies and leaves you behind.
PERMISSION TO GRIEVE
Yourself to grieve in everyway you can. Do not heed people who tell you otherwise.
A. Cry, scream, write it out, walk in forest talk to the trees, you'll be surprised at how well they listen. They can give you the strength as hear their whispering caress of you.
B. Get Angry, NOT AT YOURSELF, stop judging yourself. You did nothing wrong. It is not your character under assisination here. Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself lots of alone time to get to know you again at a very deep level.
C. Stop the JUDGEMENT. HEY, you don't know the big picture. I know you are suffering and your heart is so painful you feel like your dying. May be a part of you actually is, but it will be reborn with time.
So how long will this sadness last? You will have waves of it. At first long periods of sadness and tears. Then comes a time when you actally go your first full day without crying.
A. For some it can be days, others weeks and other months. Time is different for you than for me.
B. It feels like no one but you have ever felt this much pain before.
C. About now some good meaning friend starts telling you to snap out of it. You attempt it, but can't seem to quite pull it off. IT'S OKAY
D. GUILT.. now you start to feel this guilt...Give that up too.
Guilt is a useless emotion to keep you bound in unworthiness. The guilt usally goes something like this. "Chatter" telling you about being ashamed of yourself because there are so MANY people who have it so much worse. In all it's forms pain is pain and its part of the human condition. Give Yourself a Break.
Longing for the familar touch or sound of the persons voice, the phone call the quick note. The toe touching in bed or spooning and snuggling on the sofa.
A. Absence of the familiar
B. Aloneness again, isolation, hermiting yourself.
C. Avoiding other friends or family.
D. Not wanting to have to explain.
4. SEEKING COUNSEL
For some people this is hard to do. It's seems particularly difficult for people in the helping professions to ask for counsel when they need it. It goes something like this " Chatter " I should be able to handle this, I have helped people through this before...I know how to do this well. What's wrong, why am I not getting this.
A. Well here you go....no Doctor can fix his own broken heart. Time does though and nurturing yourself.
B. Feeling safe enough to talk about it with someone who can assist you to process though your feelings. YOU see this is not an exercise in intellectual skills. Its'a heart issue, YOUR HEART, not someone you don't know.
Although at this moment maybe you thought you could never feel this deeply hurt.
5. DESIRE TO GET EVEN
Now you start thinking of how you can get even with the person. You start bargaining with yourself here.
A. You say how can I make that person hurt like I did. You know it's not rationale and another part of is totally in conflict with that idea. Perhaps somewhere along the line you may have hurt someone like this too. I know I have.
B. Maybe you plan to be where you know the person would be and you decided to get a friend to show up with you. Someone of course who you have known a while.
C. Last Minute Mind Change Here YOU dont' go.
You Go Through With It AND.........
D. REopen the pain game and you put yourself through some more S _ _ _.
6. YOU MAKE YOURSELF GO OUT WITH SOMEONE NEW ..YIPPIE YOU THINK
You decided with your mind, it's high time you got over this deal and you locate a victim who will go out with. They can see your not yet together, but they either choose to assist in your healing or try to rescue you from it.
A. Trouble here is you usually end up persecuting them some how for caring about you.
B. Your self esteem took a big hit here and you wonder how anyone would ever love you. You can't even love yourself right now!
C. Now this is another "Chatter ", no one is ever going to love you again. Now you decide you will never love anyone again.
D. I know this feels real. Like you mean it, you may spend quite a bit of time here even in a state of resentment about having loved someone so deeply.
It's natural it's a defensive mechanism when you've been blindsided by someone you loved.
7. HEALING BETRAYAL
At last you come to the point you ask yourself the question. Would I rather have missed this relationship entirely? A long pause usually...............
Once you can answer this with honesty, you can begin to feel love again within your being for the person and release yourself from the pain of the past.
Here you begin to see what experiences the person left you with. How much you learned about yourself. May be you realize they provided you with a fertile ground you would have missed had you not had them in your life.
8. GRATITUDE - I know you thought you'd never be here.
At last begin to feel GRATITUDE, for them having shared part of their journey with you. You even realized their were millions of people in the world and you two just happened to get hooked up for a joyful experience and some tears too. You have come to a place of BALANCE. You know great UNITY and HAVE dedicated time and work to forgiveness, either of yourself or the other person. This bring you to Inner Peace, Acceptance and Completion.
LOVE RETURNS TO YOU...YOUR OWN AND IT'S WONDERFUL TO BE ALIVE.
René Remington's motto is "TRUST YOUR HEART. IT KNOWS THE WAY". She teaches individuals how to come back to their heart. How to reopen to themselves and then how to reconnect with the world with new understanding and healing of betrayal. René has been providing spiritual assistance to those seeking greater depths within themselves since early childhood. She calls herself a "Change Agent or a Transformer" She teaches from the heart and brings forward the Wisdom of the Ages.
For further assistance with your own healing you can order René's CD or downloadable MP3
"SEASONS FOR THE SOUL" Available via the website or through paypal. This is a limited time offer at a special introductory price of $18.97.
Web Site: Rene Remington
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|Reviewed by Marguerite Lemoine
|I just posted an article on The Healing Power Of Time. If interested you may look me up under Marguerite The Little Flower
PS I liked your article and used it to compare to mine