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Elizabeth Melton Parsons

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Domestic Abuse
By Elizabeth Melton Parsons   
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last edited: Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Posted: Wednesday, March 08, 2006

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An example of how it might feel to be in an abusive relationship and why a person may stay in such a relationship for a long time before gaining their freedom.

Domestic abuse takes many forms. It can be subtle with the abuser being dominate and controlling. It can be the emotional abuse of being called names and being made to feel that you're stupid or incompetent-------- all the way to the most violent and deadly physical attack. It never gets better, only worsens with time. I will use the following story to explain only one way that an abuser can make you feel.

Imagine yourself in a prison with a 30 foot high stone wall surrounding you. You have some limited freedom to move about and do the things you're expected to do. At first you walk around that stone wall looking for a means of escape. But at the same time, you have a huge vicious dog watching your every move and nipping at your heels if you get too close to the wall. Maybe you find a weakness in the wall and manage to get out. The dog comes after you, dragging you back inside the wall and you're punished severely for daring to leave. You may go through this many times. Each time the wall is built higher and stronger. Eventually, you may become so disheartened that you give up, feeling it's better to stay and just do what's expected of you. You lose yourself as an individual with needs and wants and dreams. You only think about getting through one day at a time without being punished. You do whatever it takes to keep the dog friendly, no matter how humiliating the task. You are completely innocent of any crime, yet you begin to feel guilty and at fault for this horrible treatment. You are brainwashed everyday to believe this.

But the human spirit is very strong. It never really dies. It may be hidden deep inside but from time to time it will resurface. And eventually it will cry out at the injustice you suffer. It will demand freedom at all costs. When that time comes, you will free yourself. You have the power to do so. You thought you were abandoned but you realize there is help and support out there, just waiting for you to call out to them. Once free, you will be weak and need time to heal. But with help and support, you grow stronger every day. You rediscover who you are and make new dreams for a brighter future. And you make those dreams become a reality.

If you are still in an abusive situation whether it be mental, physical or both, please call out to those waiting to help. Don't wait, the abuse will only become worse. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you are free and going through the healing process, remember it may take time. But there are many people to help and support you at this difficult time. You have the power and you will prevail.

Web Site: Out of Darkness

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Reviewed by Denise Contreras 11/19/2006
Thank you for this important subject. I was a victim of domestic abuse and childhood abuse I know that it is not easy to get out of but there is help out there and it is great that you wrote this article.
Thanks Hugs Angela
Reviewed by Sandy Knauer 3/8/2006
Thanks for bringing this very important topic out for discussion - we can't do that enough. Your article is well-written and makes some valid points with a help number - I love that. One important thing to remember is that often victims of domestic abuse are at much greater risk when they leave, because their abusers either have little left to lose, or will win at any cost - including the life of the victim. In many communities, the system and the people in the community do not support leaving. The victims often leave without money, with protection, without freedom to go to work (too dangerous) even if they have their head together enough to work. Courts don't protect them, and our society surely doesn't want to support them financially. Leaving requires careful planning. I'm afraid this is just one more social issue that will worsen with the cuts in social program budgets, increased poverty (which in turn increases violence), and now all the talk about how much we spend on prisons. I realize the main purpose for that talk is to turn a few more government contracts over to Haliburton, but still it will affect the willingness of society to want to imprison abusers. It's a tough choice, but we need to do one or the other - pay to lock abusers away, or pay to provide housing, food, and health care to their victims. Again, thank you for this article. The more we talk about this situation, the more we might convince those around us to consider some real solutions.
Reviewed by Peter Paton 3/8/2006
This is a timeous and much needed article on the abject horrors of Domestic Abuse
This should be posted universally throughout the land Elizabeth
Thank you for this welcome treatise