Learning To Let It Go
edited: Saturday, June 28, 2008
By Daniel J Perin
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Friday, May 05, 2006
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We all experience feeling hurt at times. Often the hurt immobilizes us from going forward. Sometimes we can't seem to shake it, but it is possible
Sometimes we just cannot let go of past hurts, slights or offences. We attempt to go on with our life, but somehow the past just keeps popping into our day and we are right back to where we were when the perceived hurt took place. Then begins our rehashing of the event. The pain and anguish wells up within us. We feel the need to blame someone or something for that pain. No mater how hard we try, we cannot let go of the past event. We all heard the injunction to get over it! We say would like to get over it, but in reality there often is a part of us that wants to hang on. That part of us tries to justify our pain and hurt by continuing to find someone besides our self on whom to blame our situation. If it weren’t for that person I would have been given the promotion. If only my wife would quit nagging me, I would be more inclined to carry my share of responsibility for the home. If I hadn’t had such dysfunctional parents I would have been better prepared to make friends and get along with others. The list goes on and on. Virtually everything in our life that seems to go wrong can probably be blamed on someone else or some situation for which we do not believe we were responsible. The truth is, my friends, there really isn’t anyone or anything standing in the way of the good you seek in your life. It makes no difference how you try to make the case for being disadvantaged; each of us is endowed with an inner Spirit that is capable of inspiring creative, productive actions on our part. We need only to develop the belief that we can move on because there is always a door of opportunity opening before us. Beliefs are developed over time. Each experience we have adds to our belief system and what is added is determined by the attitude and action we take in those experiences. We can choose to think others limit our opportunity or we can choose to examine ways to find something good no matter what the appearance may be. I remember a story told by my minister in one Sunday sermon about finding the good in every situation. It seems a sincere effort was being made by a member of the church to be positive about everything in her life. As she was driving down the street one day the car in front of her stopped suddenly and she crashed into the back of the car. She got out of her car and as she looked at the crumpled cars she was heard to say, “I can’t wait to find the good in this!” We can laugh at this, but when you stop to think about it, she was actually working on developing a positive attitude that would eventually bring about a poise and composure in her demeanor that was unflappable. This approach will make such a person more able to see the open doors of unfortunate situations. Rather than looking to see who or what else could be blamed, the natural response will be to find the good in the situation. I know people, as I am sure you do, who lead lives of desperation because they feel they didn’t have the opportunity to fulfill their dreams. There are wives who nag their husbands to “take care of them” because they feel they weren’t taken care of by their parents. Perhaps her parents were divorced and she felt deprived of the full parental relationship with her father or mother. If it were automatic that being the child of divorced parents made it impossible for you to succeed or be healthy or satisfied in life, why isn’t that the case in every family where divorce has occurred? In the 1980s and 1990s there was a great emphasis on dysfunctional families. Some very important studies were undertaken to look at the issues and ways in which to work through them. It became chic to talk about your dysfunctional parents or your dysfunctional employer, or neighbor or teacher, and on an on. It was easier to spot dysfunctional behavior in others than it was to look at what part you played in that game. As long as a person’s focus is on what they other person did, we are not looking at what we can do to improve our lives regardless of other people and their actions. We learn to really let go of unpleasantness and frustration by deciding to change our focus. As we begin to look for positive opportunities within seemingly negative situations, we will begin to make changes in our consciousness—our thinking/feeling nature—and we will develop a new set of expectations. These new expectations will be about new possibilities. We will break the habit of expecting things to go bad. We will begin to take back our own power to direct our lives, to rise above apparent limitations we feel have been imposed upon us. It may not be easy and it may take time. However, it took time for you to learn to think that your problems were caused by someone else. Learn let it go (because you can!). Get a life (because you can!).