AuthorsDen.com   Join Free! | Login    
Happy 4th of July!
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Betty Jo Tucker, iDavid Gelber, iNicholas Coe, iTony Lambert, iShervin Hojat, Ph.D., iBob Mitchley, iMiranda Pope, i

  Home > Parenting > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Lisa Barker

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Books
· Articles
· News
· Stories
· Blog
· 70 Titles
· 38 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Jun, 2006

Lisa Barker, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.




Featured Book
The Omega Wave E-Book (PDF)
by Richard Rydon

Not for the faint-hearted, ‘The Omega Wave’ is a full-length science fiction novel exploring gothic facets of consciousness and human nature. Luper a sensible young scien..  
BookAds by Silver
Gold and Platinum Members



Beware of Moving Vehicle - Parent on Board!
by Lisa Barker   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Monday, July 09, 2007
Posted: Monday, July 09, 2007

  Print   Save    Follow    Share 

Recent articles by
Lisa Barker

No Privacy For Mom
Dancing The Parent Polka
Mom lessons 101
This Mom Is Out Of Order
If The Shoe Fits, Hide It
Homemaking Hijinks
One Smart Family
           >> View all

Every parent knows that driving with kids in the car without ending up in a ditch is a miracle. (Humor)

-------------------------------

Every parent knows that driving with kids in the car without ending up in a fender bender or a ditch is a miracle. While you focus on the road your concentration is constantly assaulted by cries, demands and tattles from the back seat.

“Are we there yet?”

“She’s touching me!”

“Am not!”

“Are, too!

“Mommmmm!”

In my van this type of nonsense usually provokes a nasty snarl and an announcement from me that everyone is now on a quiet timeout until we arrive at our destination.

But I have to admit that after logging several hours on the road with my children, I thought I’d heard it all. That is until the other day.

“GET YOUR SWEATY HANDS OFF MY NECK!” my oldest son cried out.

How unexpected and utterly ridiculous. I nearly collided with the vehicle beside me because I was laughing so hard. That’s what happens when my kids break the monotony of clichéd kid retorts.

“What’s going on?”

“Aiden is trying to choke me!” my ten-year old son tattled on the toddler.

Of course, now I have to say something idiotic to my three-year old with every ounce of seriousness I can muster. “Aiden, we don’t strangle people. It isn’t nice.”

“Okay, Momma.”

Now that I am laughing, and doing a very poor job of stifling it, the ten-year old starts talking to me and trying to show me things like a picture in his book, the odd angle of his thumb, a toy and something we just passed on the freeway. And I have the attention span of a goldfish so I keep whipping my head around to look because I forget that I am driving.

“Stop showing me things! I need to pay attention. Did you see that we almost took out a utility pole?”

I’ve thought of buying a limousine. I need some sort of vehicle with a window that I can raise to shut out the sounds from the children behind me. But knowing them, they’d be tapping frantically on the window every five minutes. I’d roll down the window a crack.

“What do you want?”

“JD burped in my ear.” Up goes the window.

Rap, rap, rap!

“What now?”

“Ummmmm...” Up goes the window—

“Wait! I remember now, Momma.”

“What?”

“Are we there yet?”

On second thought, maybe I’ll just buy a tractor-trailer—a refrigerated one so they can chill out while I drive in the warm cab up front with just MY music playing, none of that kiddie crud. But then I’ve got that attention of a goldfish thing going against me. All I can say is when you see me coming you better move aside. Parent onboard!

. . . . . . . . . . .
©Lisa Barker - Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of "Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane... Doesn't Mean You Are A Bad Parent!" and is syndicated through Parent To Parent™. To publish Jelly Mom™, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!

Web Site: Jelly Mom - Parenting Humor



Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!


Popular Parenting Articles
  1. A few reflections for the New Year 2014
  2. The Sacred Child

Spinning Straw: the Jeff Apple Story by Phyllis Jean Green

“In Spinning Straw, the human spirit shows itself in it's mightiest face...that of unconditional love. Beautifully written, eloquent in it's reality, the author takes us right ther..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Father knows best Phil In His Words. by Tuchy (Carl) Palmieri

“Phil In His Words” Is an interactive workbook to record the timeless words of one’s Father. Who can dispute the words of wisdom giving by a loving father? Phil Palmieri was Bor..  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.