What is the root cause of anger? Why is my body reacting to the intense anger that I feel? Every part of my body aches and I find myself swearing under my breath to all those around me and road rage is at the top of my list. I can't stand to be near anyone and have become anti-social. The anger is killing me and the exercises I am doing to overcome it are not working. I am physically and mentally drained and I have had to take a leave of absence from my job before I become sick or say the wrong thing to someone who has power over me.
Love is who and what we are. When we are in love with ourselves there is no greater feeling. Fear is the opposite of love; but love and fear are the same. Fear is at the other end of the stick and as you move away from love you experience fear. Fear is less love. As you move away from fear you begin to experience love once more. We live in a Universe of relativity and as we move away from one thing, we experience another. There is no such thing as cold for example - there is just less heat. As we move away from the fire we begin to feel less heat and we call it cold; in reality it's just less heat we are experiencing.
All things which are not experienced as love will be experienced as fear in some degree. Anger is the recognition that we are not living in the experience of love. We are born in the condition of love and from that moment on we begin to feel and understand other emotions as we move away from the love experience. Our basic needs to sustain life become apparent to us from the moment of birth. Intuitively the body knows that it needs food, water, shelter and love. When it does not receive them, it begins to experience fear for its own existence. A baby will cry if it is hungry, cold or bored. As we grow older we express our fear in other destructive ways.
Fear is therefore is an emotion of lack. We fear that we will not receive what we desire and we get angrier the longer we do without. It was never nature's intention that we would do without; lack is not a condition of nature. Nature is abundant and is a creative force, and it is an awareness that seeks only to experience life through us as individual beings.
Anger management exercises do not work for long if the root cause for the anger is not understood. Anger simply is a self expression of lack - we are not getting what we want and we fear we will not get it.
The greatest mistake we make in trying to understand our anger is that we believe that someone else is making us angry - that is not possible. The best anyone can do is to give us the opportunity to be angry. The feeling of being anger is generated by the individual him/herself. The person has control of his anger to any degree. The object of his anger is merely an opportunity to express it.
To find out what it is we fear, we have to be critically honest with ourselves and ask why we are afraid. What is it that I fear the most?
1. Am I afraid of loosing my job; can I get another?
2. Am I afraid that I will fail in my relationship and lose my partner?
3. Am I afraid that I will not be able to support myself?
4. Am I afraid of being a loser or failing in my present experience or life in general?
5. Am I afraid that another opportunity will not come my way?
6. Am I afraid that no one else can love me?
7. Am I afraid that what my parents said about me may be true ?
The list is endless and some or all of them may apply to our situation. Be it as it may, they all have on thing in common - it is a fear of lack. The ego always fears for its own existence and anything that triggers a feeling of lack will automatically ignite the feeling of fear for the ego.
To manage anger you must identify the lack that you may be experiencing in your life. You must also think back to the last time you felt anger and what were the circumstances of your life at that time. Did you overcome the anger and why did it go away or did you just hide or suppress it?
The difference between people who 'have' and people who 'have not' is that the haves always know they can get more. They have a lifetime of having and they do not live in fear. Anger is a temporary feeling that ignites their consciousness and causes them to focus on receiving.
Life was never meant to be a struggle; we create our own anger and we can manage it. Anger works if it's managed properly. It brings awareness to our present circumstances and is a wakeup call to appropriate action. But anger management is not something you practice only when something is not working for you. It is a lifetime awareness of who and what you are and where your power comes from. You are creating all the circumstances of your life; you are not a victim. You can manage anger by knowing that you have and can always create what you want in your life. There is no lack; lack is something that has been taught to you by your culture, customs, religion, family, friends and all those around you. It is a condition of the conscious mind and not the subconscious or spiritual mind. When you become aware of this fact, you will know that you can have anything you desire; you will never fear again.
I am not suggesting that you not seek out professional help, when you are knee deep in alligators; you need immediate help. But for long term healing you need to understand what anger really is.
While I was training to be a NLP therapist, one of the first things our instructor taught us was that we all have the ability to heal ourselves. Throughout my life I have experienced this ability and I know that I have the power as do you. Individually you are the most remarkable living being there is. You have the power of that which created you. You are creating your anger and you will also create your healing. This is not just a fanciful notion - it is absolute truth.
To properly manage your anger, don't have any and when you do begin to feel it, ask yourself what is it that you believe you are lacking. Love yourself first, fill yourself with that feeling and know that all others are just extensions of you in other forms. They are opportunities for you to express yourself as this or that. They are there as a representations of your feelings of love or fear - they are always a manifestation of your current thoughts.
The truth is you do not have to manage anger - you have to manage love. Self love will always conquer fear. But do not be fooled by trying to trick yourself. If you are not in total awareness of love; you will feel fear. You are what you believe - you are love in human form and you do not ever have to be angry again. The best way to manage anger is not to be angry in the first place. Keep yourself in a condition of love and anger cannot live there. Anger is an error in thought.