SHE COULD HEAR THE SILENCE
Part VIII - Sarah II
Ever since Jason left, Sarah has been in a deep depressive state, operating mainly on autopilot. The sparkle has gone out of her eye, the spring has left her step, and the joy has flown from her heart. She is simply going through the motions of her everyday life, and has basically cut off all other communication with the rest of the outside world. Her beloved Jason is gone, seemingly never to return – and it is her fault. How could I be so STUPID? Sarah constantly asks herself.
She has been calling him constantly since he walked out the door – but so far he has refused to pick up the phone. She's tried blocking her number to see if he will pick up, and he has never once answered. She has not heard from him in almost two weeks, and it is eating her up inside. All of her hopes and dreams for the future were wrapped up in Jason – and now it has suddenly vanished. Sarah is lost, numb, and devastated.
All to no avail – the realization is sinking in deeper to her as the days progress. Jason is gone, and she is dead to him.
She can no longer take the despair alone – she has to talk to someone. Sarah picks up the phone and dials Simone.
"Hello?" says Simone sweetly into the receiver.
'He's gone…", sobs Sarah, trying to hold her composure until she can vent her pain to her friend.
"Who's gone? Who is this?" asks Simone.
"It's me, Sarah. Jason's gone…"
"What? What do you mean he's gone? Are you alright?" asks Simone half-frantically, trying to figure out exactly what's going on. She's always been fairly close to Sarah, but she's never witnessed her seeming to fall apart like this, so she is very concerned. Did Jason die? Simone wonders. "What's happened to Jason?"
"He left me," cried Sarah, as she broke down wailing into the receiver.
"Oh My God, Girl! Sarah Honey, pull yourself together, everything's gonna be alright…" said Simone trying to comfort her despondent friend.
"No, everything is NOT alright! Jason was – is – my everything, and he walked out on me! And me with my stupid thoughts, my stupid mouth…" Sarah explained, tears rolling down her face from swollen, bloodshot eyes.
"What could you possibly have said, after all these years, that made him walk out on you? He worships the ground you walk on!"
"You mean he USED to worship the ground I walk on! He thinks I stopped believing in him, and I crushed his manhood – and you know what really hurts? I DID stop believing in him and he recognized it - that is what is killing me. I don't know when it happened, but it's true , and I made it known to him. He was going to ask me to marry him… Oh God, what have I done?" Sarah sobbed as she again broke down in tears.
"Girl, I have never seen you like this – I am coming over," said Simone. "Let me make arrangements for Alexis and I'll be right there."
"Simone don't…" started Sarah.
"I don't want to hear it! You should not be alone in the state you're in, and I am coming over - and that's that!" stated Simone. With that statement, she hung up the phone, got in her car and drove over to Sarah's condo to comfort her longtime friend.
At least helping her friend will take her mind off her own troubles for a little while.
When Simone arrived at the door, Sarah fell sobbing into her arms. "Oh Simone! He's gone, he's gone, he's gone..." was all Sarah could say before she broke down. She held Sarah tight so that they both wouldn't fall over inside the door, and she felt Sarah's tears as they stained her blouse. She guided the still crying Sarah to her couch, sat down and just held her tight, rocking her back & forth as she finally let loose of the hurt and pain she had suppressed deeply inside the past weeks. She was utterly inconsolable at this point.
While sitting on the couch trying to make sense of what happened between Sarah and Jason, Simone took quiet inventory of her friend's condo. It was an absolute mess. The garbage cans in the kitchen and den were overflowing, there were old newspapers, empty food wrappers and containers on the floor, kitchen counter, coffee table, and on top of the television across from the couch; the sink was full of dirty dishes, and clothes were strewn everywhere. The carpet had obviously not been vacuumed in quite awhile, and the kitchen floor had not been mopped recently either. To be honest, Sarah was not exactly smelling 'fresh as a daisy' either. Her friend was truly despondent and her heart broke for her.
Sarah fell asleep in Simone's arms after her crying fit, and she was glad that at least she could provide some comfort to her friend. She positioned Sarah on the couch so that she would be comfortable and went looking for a blanket to throw over her so she could sleep a while. She walked back to Sarah's bedroom to find that both this room and the bathroom was in just as bad shape as the kitchen, living room and den were. She found what she thought was a small clean comforter in the linen closet and placed it over her sleeping friend on the couch. After looking around for a few minutes, she then set about the task of cleaning Sarah's condo. She felt it was the least she could do to help her friend, who seemed in no shape to help herself at this point.
Simone picked up all the empty food containers spread about the house and put them in garbage bags, then emptied all the garbage cans from the other rooms into one big garbage bag, tied it up and set it by the door to take with her when she left. She set about the kitchen wiping down the counters and appliances, putting as many dishes as she could cram into the dishwasher and turned it on, then she washed the rest in the sink. She picked up all the clothes strewn about, made two laundry loads and started one of them in the washer. She stripped the bed and put on fresh linens, swept and mopped the kitchen & bathroom floors, and sprinkled Carpet Fresh on the carpets, waiting for Sarah to wake up before she ran the vacuum. She took a break to call the babysitter and check on Alexis.
Now tired from cleaning Sarah's house, Simone found a spot on the couch without disturbing Sarah, threw a portion of the comforter over her, closed her eyes and tried to nap before Sarah awoke. And she was going to stay there until Sarah wakes up.
She was determined to find out exactly what happened between Jason and Sarah, and see what she could do to help her friend.
Sarah awakened about two hours later to find her friend snuggled under part of her comforter at her feet. She didn't want to disturb her friend's sleep, but she felt a violent urge to pee, and she had to get up off the couch right then. As she flung the comforter back to make a run for the bathroom, Simone awoke and turned toward her as her figure made it's way down the hallway. After Sarah used the toilet, she walked over to the sink, splashed some water on her face and took a good look at herself in the mirror. Snap out of it Girl! You look pathetic… she thought to herself as she gazed at the image in the mirror.
She just couldn't shake this feeling of doom, of loss. She was happy that Simone came to see about her, but just what could she do to change anything? Her whole life walked out the door over two weeks ago, and there was nothing anyone could do about it now. She took a towel and patted her face dry, took a deep breath, and walked back out to the living room where Simone was now awake, sitting on the couch sipping some green tea she found in the refrigerator, obviously waiting for her to reappear. As she was making her way back to sit next to Simone, she glanced around the apartment and noticed it was remarkably clean.
Simone was studying her as she came back over and sat down beside her. "You OK?" Simone asked, concerened.
"You cleaned up. Thank you," Sarah said.