This is another chapter from my upcoming novel, anticipated to be published June, 2007.
SHE COULD HEAR THE SILENCE
Part VIII - Sarah II
Ever since Jason left, Sarah has been in a deep depressive state, operating mainly on autopilot. The sparkle has gone out of her eye, the spring has left her step, and the joy has flown from her heart. She is simply going through the motions of her everyday life, and has basically cut off all other communication with the rest of the outside world. Her beloved Jason is gone, seemingly never to return – and it is her fault. How could I be so STUPID? Sarah constantly asks herself.
She has been calling him constantly since he walked out the door – but so far he has refused to pick up the phone. She's tried blocking her number to see if he will pick up, and he has never once answered. She has not heard from him in almost two weeks, and it is eating her up inside. All of her hopes and dreams for the future were wrapped up in Jason – and now it has suddenly vanished. Sarah is lost, numb, and devastated.
All to no avail – the realization is sinking in deeper to her as the days progress. Jason is gone, and she is dead to him.
She can no longer take the despair alone – she has to talk to someone. Sarah picks up the phone and dials Simone.
"Hello?" says Simone sweetly into the receiver.
'He's gone…", sobs Sarah, trying to hold her composure until she can vent her pain to her friend.
"Who's gone? Who is this?" asks Simone.
"It's me, Sarah. Jason's gone…"
"What? What do you mean he's gone? Are you alright?" asks Simone half-frantically, trying to figure out exactly what's going on. She's always been fairly close to Sarah, but she's never witnessed her seeming to fall apart like this, so she is very concerned. Did Jason die? Simone wonders. "What's happened to Jason?"
"He left me," cried Sarah, as she broke down wailing into the receiver.
"Oh My God, Girl! Sarah Honey, pull yourself together, everything's gonna be alright…" said Simone trying to comfort her despondent friend.
"No, everything is NOT alright! Jason was – is – my everything, and he walked out on me! And me with my stupid thoughts, my stupid mouth…" Sarah explained, tears rolling down her face from swollen, bloodshot eyes.
"What could you possibly have said, after all these years, that made him walk out on you? He worships the ground you walk on!"
"You mean he USED to worship the ground I walk on! He thinks I stopped believing in him, and I crushed his manhood – and you know what really hurts? I DID stop believing in him and he recognized it - that is what is killing me. I don't know when it happened, but it's true , and I made it known to him. He was going to ask me to marry him… Oh God, what have I done?" Sarah sobbed as she again broke down in tears.
"Girl, I have never seen you like this – I am coming over," said Simone. "Let me make arrangements for Alexis and I'll be right there."
"Simone don't…" started Sarah.
"I don't want to hear it! You should not be alone in the state you're in, and I am coming over - and that's that!" stated Simone. With that statement, she hung up the phone, got in her car and drove over to Sarah's condo to comfort her longtime friend.
At least helping her friend will take her mind off her own troubles for a little while.
When Simone arrived at the door, Sarah fell sobbing into her arms. "Oh Simone! He's gone, he's gone, he's gone..." was all Sarah could say before she broke down. She held Sarah tight so that they both wouldn't fall over inside the door, and she felt Sarah's tears as they stained her blouse. She guided the still crying Sarah to her couch, sat down and just held her tight, rocking her back & forth as she finally let loose of the hurt and pain she had suppressed deeply inside the past weeks. She was utterly inconsolable at this point.
While sitting on the couch trying to make sense of what happened between Sarah and Jason, Simone took quiet inventory of her friend's condo. It was an absolute mess. The garbage cans in the kitchen and den were overflowing, there were old newspapers, empty food wrappers and containers on the floor, kitchen counter, coffee table, and on top of the television across from the couch; the sink was full of dirty dishes, and clothes were strewn everywhere. The carpet had obviously not been vacuumed in quite awhile, and the kitchen floor had not been mopped recently either. To be honest, Sarah was not exactly smelling 'fresh as a daisy' either. Her friend was truly despondent and her heart broke for her.
Sarah fell asleep in Simone's arms after her crying fit, and she was glad that at least she could provide some comfort to her friend. She positioned Sarah on the couch so that she would be comfortable and went looking for a blanket to throw over her so she could sleep a while. She walked back to Sarah's bedroom to find that both this room and the bathroom was in just as bad shape as the kitchen, living room and den were. She found what she thought was a small clean comforter in the linen closet and placed it over her sleeping friend on the couch. After looking around for a few minutes, she then set about the task of cleaning Sarah's condo. She felt it was the least she could do to help her friend, who seemed in no shape to help herself at this point.
Simone picked up all the empty food containers spread about the house and put them in garbage bags, then emptied all the garbage cans from the other rooms into one big garbage bag, tied it up and set it by the door to take with her when she left. She set about the kitchen wiping down the counters and appliances, putting as many dishes as she could cram into the dishwasher and turned it on, then she washed the rest in the sink. She picked up all the clothes strewn about, made two laundry loads and started one of them in the washer. She stripped the bed and put on fresh linens, swept and mopped the kitchen & bathroom floors, and sprinkled Carpet Fresh on the carpets, waiting for Sarah to wake up before she ran the vacuum. She took a break to call the babysitter and check on Alexis.
Now tired from cleaning Sarah's house, Simone found a spot on the couch without disturbing Sarah, threw a portion of the comforter over her, closed her eyes and tried to nap before Sarah awoke. And she was going to stay there until Sarah wakes up.
She was determined to find out exactly what happened between Jason and Sarah, and see what she could do to help her friend.
Sarah awakened about two hours later to find her friend snuggled under part of her comforter at her feet. She didn't want to disturb her friend's sleep, but she felt a violent urge to pee, and she had to get up off the couch right then. As she flung the comforter back to make a run for the bathroom, Simone awoke and turned toward her as her figure made it's way down the hallway. After Sarah used the toilet, she walked over to the sink, splashed some water on her face and took a good look at herself in the mirror. Snap out of it Girl! You look pathetic… she thought to herself as she gazed at the image in the mirror.
She just couldn't shake this feeling of doom, of loss. She was happy that Simone came to see about her, but just what could she do to change anything? Her whole life walked out the door over two weeks ago, and there was nothing anyone could do about it now. She took a towel and patted her face dry, took a deep breath, and walked back out to the living room where Simone was now awake, sitting on the couch sipping some green tea she found in the refrigerator, obviously waiting for her to reappear. As she was making her way back to sit next to Simone, she glanced around the apartment and noticed it was remarkably clean.
Simone was studying her as she came back over and sat down beside her. "You OK?" Simone asked, concerened.
"You cleaned up. Thank you," Sarah said.
"Yes I cleaned up, and you're welcome. Now, are you OK? Answer my question," Simone stated again.
"I don't know. I honestly don't know…" Sarah started to say again, and as he started to speak, tears began slowly emerging from her eyes.
"Well I can see that you are NOT OK. And I don't know what happened, and I want to help you through this. Are you able to tell me what's going on?" Simone asked.
Sarah spent the next hour telling Simone the whole story of how Jason left her, between tears and sobs. When she was done, Sarah was crying uncontrollable again in Simone's arms. Simone's heart ached for her friend. She didn't know what she was going to do but she had to do something to help Sarah get back to living life again.
Jason paces the floor of his house. He has been drinking heavily and hasn't bathed in days. He looks around and in all corners of the living room are pictures and reminders of his deceased family members.
His Mom and Dad's portrait graces the wall behind his dad's desk in the family room. Her angelic smile haunts Jason as he longs for the chance to hug his mom one last time. His Dad's handsome face almost mirrors his own since he has inherited his Dad's rugged good looks, including his classic jawline and smokey grey eyes. He can almost hear his Dad's voice in his head, telling him that he was proud of him, and to always follow his dreams, like he always did.
Now his brother's picture sits next to his on his father's desk, but he resembled their Mom more, taking on her lighter skin tone and dark brown eyes. Damn, he misses Patrick… he was his best friend. Brothers are usually close, but not like he and his brother were. They were only 16 month apart in age, so they grew up and did everything together. He could call Pat up and tell him anything, anytime, and he would listen – he was there. All his hurts, wants, frustrations, joys and thoughts - Pat knew them all. And now he's gone. In one split second, some drunken bastard - who walked away from the scene without a scratch - crashed the car they were driving on their way to visit HIM, and took the most precious things in his life away from him - forever.
The only person left whom he loved and could depend on was Sarah.
He needed her more than anything right now, but he couldn't bring himself to see her, or talk to her. He is a bum to her, who lived off her and used her to make life easy on him – that is what she showed him she thinks of him. The pain of the thought that Sarah actually thinks of him this way still hurts, just as if she took a knife and literally cut his heart out. He is embarrassed to be around her or talk to her, knowing that he is less than a man to her.
His Mom is gone. His Dad, gone. His brother, his best friend, his only sibling, gone forever. And now the love of his life, Sarah, is also gone. If he had a child, he would have a reason to continue living. Everything and everyone he loved with all his heart is now gone… what does he have left to live for?
Jason walks over to the small cabinet next to his dad's desk and opens it. Inside is a small pearl-handled pistol his Dad bought for his Mom for protection years ago, and a small unopened box of bullets next to it. The mixture of the booze plus the pain of losing everyone he loves is running through his mind as he first rubs then picks up the pistol and box of bullets. He walks over to the sofa, sits down and loads one bullet in the pistol and spins the barrel.
He brings the pistol up to his temple, tears streaming down his face, cocks the gun, then pulls the trigger…
Damn, I can't even do this right, Jason thinks to himself. He puts the gun in his lap and takes another drink, ready to try again…
The phone starts to ring and Jason checks the Caller ID. It says the call is coming from Sarah. Why can't this bitch just leave me in peace? Jason cries to himself, tears still streaming down his face. She calls me constantly and I haven't picked up the phone yet. Doesn't she GET IT?!? Maybe she'll finally learn when she hears me blow my fucking brains out while I'm talking to her…
"Hello?" Jason says as he answers the phone.
"Hello, is this Jason?" an unfamiliar female voice answers back through the receiver.
The voice stops Jason in his tracks. He glances over at the Caller ID again, and it still says the call is coming from Sarah's phone.
"Yeah, this is Jason. Who is this?" Jason asks curiously.
"My name is Simone. We need to talk…"
"Talk? Talk about what?" Jason asks, a bit agitated.
"Sarah. She is beside herself, and…"
"SARAH is beside HERSELF? What about ME? Because she gave me her ass to kiss when I was about to give my life to her, pledge my undying love for her, when my whole damn family was killed, I have NOTHING! I have NO ONE!" I have NO reason to even be alive right now, so if you'll excuse me,,,"
"Yes you do!" Simone shot back at him. "Don't you dare talk like that! She told me all about what happened, and you and Sarah need each other more now than you ever have before…"
"Oh yeah? And why is that?" Jason asked in a sarcastically angry manner.
"Sarah is pregnant with YOUR baby!"
Copyright .2006, RM Green.
All Rights Reserved.