RAMS, TROJANS AND VALENTINE'S DAY
edited: Monday, February 18, 2002
By SCOTTY PHILLIPS
Posted: Monday, February 18, 2002
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RAMS, TROJANS AND VALENTINE'S DAY
A Special Edition
This is a special edition of the Soap Box. Normally, I crank-out one issue per week. However, I was so touched by a special article, which appeared in the local newspaper on Valentines Day, I just had to share it with my audience.
Living in South Georgia, I normally read several different local newspapers. One of these papers , The Albany Herald, ran this article which was titled "Condoms, safe-sex kits mark ASU responsibility program." ASU stands for Albany State University, which is located in the southwest Georgia town of Albany Georgia. Their official College mascot is the Rams. I need to share this with you so you'll understand how I came-up with the title for this Soap Box. Now onto this 'special" article.
On page one of this newspaper, here's a smiling face of a female holding brochures on safe-sex education. The article goes on to explain how the University will provide a brown paper bag titled "Safe Sex Kit" that will contain everything one needs to know, and perform, safe sex on Valentine's Day. Let's focus on some of the important things in this very special kit. We have a Trojan. Wait, the article states "a free condom or two." A pamphlet entitled "How to put on a condom," and other important sex brochures. Hey, maybe these brochures even explain how to correctly perform sex. I'm trying to contact the college to obtain one of these kits. Once they provide me with one of these kits (when hell freezes over) I'll share with you later.
It's a well-known fact that over sixty-percent of the students that attend this higher level of education center are sponsored by the Government. In other words, our tax money. So it's my guess that our tax money paid for these educational materials. Now, if a student is required to pass the college entrance exam to enter into this University, one would suspect that they have at least, figured-out by now, how to put on a condom. Maybe someone can explain this one to me. I sure as heck don’t understand it!
One of my friends suggested that this was nothing more than a government sponsored (and encouraged) to have safe sex on Valentine's Day. Well good! I want these students to have at least one day of safe sex at my expense. Also, to know that they have the materials available, to ensure their condom is correctly worn, even makes me feel better about my tax money. What's next? Maybe next Valentine's Day the government will provide educational videos in the "brown paper sack." Let's don’t cut these students short; throw in some Viagra and maybe a certificate for some adult beverages to get them in the mood. Hey, I know, since this seems to be a government college sponsored program, let's give out condoms with the college logo on them. See now why I explained the "Ram" thing at the beginning of this article. What better logo to be on a Trojan than a "Ram" with horns. Of course, I'm not sure which way the Ram should point. I'll let ones imagination run wild on this one.
Back to more on the article. I may have misled some of the readers due to fact I left out some of the articles content concerning promoting abstinence. According to Casandra Corey, project coordinator for African Americans Promoting Safer Sex Practices, "Promoting abstinence and safe sex is a year-round job." The article furthers states that Ms Cory publishes a quarterly newsletter, holds seminars around campus and is available for students questions in a confidential setting. The explanation for the brown paper bag is in case you just can’t control yourself, at least you have a back-up plan. I'm not kidding this is what the article states, I quote the newspaper, "The idea is to have a plan and know how you're going to react if you find yourself in that situation" quoted the article. So the back-up plan is a brown paper sack full of condoms, (opps, sorry, one or two condoms as the article states) and some pamphlets on sex.
Ok, let's image for a moment one of these situations Ms. Corey is referring too: Two college students sitting on the couch enjoying Valentines Day and watching television. A couple of pecks on the cheek and "Wham," it happens! The sudden surge of youth hormones kick-in and any chance of abstinence is now gone. "Honey, please tell me you brought the brown paper bag we got today at school," asks the female partner. The male partner quickly replies, "Yes, my dear Valentine, I have it." After a few moments of quickly reading over the "How to properly wear a condom" pamphlet, these two up-and-coming college students enjoy a night to remember.
My wife read this article. She thought she was something special by receiving roses, a card and balloon. However, I could see some concerns on her face as she read over my Soap Box. Dear, I promise next year that I will get us one of these brown paper bags next Valentines Day. Look at this way, at least I'll get something out of it. Instead of having to throw-out those dead roses, I'll have a brown paper bag for lunch.
I hope you enjoyed this special edition of "Scotty's Soap Box." I'm not use to writing two soap Boxes in one week. I refuse to read any more local papers until Monday. Well, maybe not the Albany Herald!