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Dennis Coleman

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Poetry Carnival
by Lori Maynard

Over 200 pages of poetry inspired by everything and nothing all at once. A part of everyone exists at the poetry carnival. For, on the midway of life, we are all look..  
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More New Rules for 2008
by Dennis Coleman   
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last edited: Thursday, January 03, 2008
Posted: Thursday, January 03, 2008

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Recent articles by
Dennis Coleman

Is it just me, or do we all miss George Carlin?
Are things out of hand in public schools?
Springtime...the time of abundant hope
My personal collection of odd words and expressions.
Things I Just Don't Understand
Gift Ideas For People You Don't Like.
Is it just me, or are there others that think that dogs are animals?
           >> View all

If George Carlin can do it...

 

New Rules For 2008 (if George Carlin can do it, so can I)

 

 


  1. When forwarding e-mail jokes, try to remove eight or ten of the forward levels before doing so. By the time I click through everything, I’m too p*ssed off to laugh at anything.

  2. You know those complimentary wheelchairs that they have in Wal-mart? They’re for crippled people, not for fat people. I’m tired of hearing some 300-pound woman with a basket full of donuts and pork rinds screaming at her kid to pick up a bottle of diet Coke.

  3. How about having only fifteen previews and three commercials when you go to the movies. By the time the movie starts, I need to go home. And you can forget the cutesy thing about turning off your cell phone during the movie. Rude people tend to continue rude behavior regardless of animated reminders.

  4. I am calling for an end to e-mails that tell me that I won the UK Lottery. I’m pretty sure that to win you have to buy a ticket first, and I never buy my lottery tickets by e-mail.

  5. At the beginning of a movie, I don’t need five minutes of “A Dreamstar Production, in association with Nosewipe pictures, from BM studios, a Time-Warner company, and a Roland Fezziwig production, from the kid that fishes off of a crescent moon. Nobody cares who made the movie, except you, and you know that you made it. Just start the feckin’ film. If you want to have stuff like that, add it onto the end, where they list who the caterer’s hairstylist is. We can ignore it there.

  6. Dogs. Leave them at home, unless you’re going to the dog show, or taking Fido “to the farm.”

  7. If you are a white kid, stop dressing like a black kid. It’s their thing, not yours. Even if you wear those stupid flat-brimmed baseball caps turned sideways, wear size 87 jeans, and lots of jewelry, you still look like a pretender. People of all races are laughing at you.

  8. Public bathrooms should be clearly marked “Men” or “Women.” I’m tired of wetting my pants before I figure out if I am a Caballero or not.

  9. They can take down all of the “No Smoking” signs now. Everybody know that you are only allowed to smoke if you get inside the dumpster and close the lid.

  10.  Once a week, Oprah and Dr. Phil should do their show in their underwear, so we stop taking them so seriously.

Web Site: dennis coleman


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Reviewed by Julie Donner Andersen
This was hilarious. I agree with 99% of what you have said. The 1% I disagree with is the thing about cell phones at movie theatres. in order for my husband and I to get one night a month off to go to the movies, we have to hire a babysitter. If anything happens to one of my kids, to hell with the other movie patrons - I want to know about it.

Other than that one, I enjoyed this read.
Reviewed by Eileen Granfors
Made me laugh. . . and want to add my own 10! Agree with most of these. Good one, Dennis. e
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