Life shouldn't be so hard.
edited: Tuesday, December 19, 2006
By Linda Fox
Not "rated" by the Author.
Posted: Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Become a Fan
Make life the way that you want it to be, not what someone else wants you to believe that it should be.
The Bottom Line Life is really what you make of it, so enjoy it, and don't let the bad times get you down.
I was born in October 1964, and life was good. Mom and Dad married in March 1963, found out about me soon after. Surprised the doctor. Originally told my mom that I was coming in October, then told that he was wrong, I was a November baby, surprised them all by coming on my original due date.
I was a good baby. Happy and loved, of course mom found out a month after I was born that she was going to add to the family. Irish twins they call my brother and I. We're only 10 months apart!!
Started kindergarten in 1969. That's when life began to go sour. The other children chose me to use as the scapegoat. A five year old child ostracised by the other children. That's not right! So, little Linda began her life in a shell, popping her head out only when she was at home, in the safety of her family.
When, I got to the fourth grade, I discovered a way to avoid recess. I went to the kindergarten classes and I read stories to them and reacted to them. I pretended that I was the teacher and the kids loved me. I also became what they called a Big Sister, where they would assign me a child in a lower grade and we would react with them in helping them learn to read. I also became immersed in class plays. I would always organize a class play, and we would go to the other classes to perform for the fun of it. I also discovered writing. I also discovered that I write better when life is going right.
In the fifth grade, I was ostracized more. I was teased, I was told that I had cooties, that I had bad odor. Any new kids into the school were warned against me, that they too would be ostracized if they associated with me. I was in my shell so much then, that the teacher wrote a note home to my mother, telling her that I should receive special education, that there was something wrong with me, that I didn't interact with the other kids like I should be. I lived in a fantasy world of the horror genre, and that I lived in a make believe world while at recess. She didn't understand that I had no friends, that living in my fantasies was a way to deal with every day life.
When I reached high school, things were not much better. I didn't fit in with the jocks and jockettes because I didn't excel in sports or go out for cheerleading. I didn't fit in with the burnouts, because I didn't do drugs. I didn't fit in anywhere.
In my senior year of high school, I decided to switch schools and go to a technical high school and take up cosmetology. This was a new start for me, no one knew who I was. I was blissfully unaware that other kids that I went to school with, would also go to this school, and, yes, you guessed it, my ostacism receded and followed me right into the new school. It was so bad, that the teacher listened to the other students and presented me with a bar of soap and told me to use it, right in front of the class. There was no reason for it, I didn't have B.O. like they said I did. I wanted to crawl right back into my shell!
The 80's were just starting to heat up, and within the school, there was a girl in my class, who was into the Heavy Metal scene, and her and I became friends. She was very attractive and drew attention to herself, in a way that I envied. I became a head banger. I graduated and when I graduated, I began to garner my own little circle of friends. I was still shy, but I was slowly coming out of the shell that I had built around me for the last 18 years.
I met a guy when I was 21 or 22 years old, to whom I loss my virginity to. Little did I know that he was an abuser, how in love I was with this guy. I didn't connect the "Don't you talk to other guys" as being obsessive. "Yes, I can go out with other girls, but you can't even look at another guy. Your not allowed to have male friends." Well when we broke up, it was done over the phone, and he told me that if I was there with him, that he would have put me in the hospital.
A few more guys later I met my husband. He was my joy, my salvation. He loved me for who I was, not who I wanted to be. We both enjoyed the same things. I was 28 when I met him. We married 5 years later. We enjoyed 2 wonderful years together as man and wife when we decided to start our family. He wasn't getting any younger and I was 35. To my surprise, two months after beginning to try, I found myself pregnant.
It was a difficult pregnancy. I had gestational diabetes, and later found out that I also had intrauterine growth retardation. So instead of a baby that should be by all means larger than normal became smaller than normal. At 37 weeks gestation, we decided to induce labor, due to the projected estimate of a small baby. The baby went into fetal distress, and delivered by emergency c-section. Kyler weighed 5lbs 4 oz at 37 weeks. He started with behavorial problems when he was 1 1/2 years old, and my life was being tested again along with my marriage.
3 years after Kyler was born, we added Devin to the family. A more normal pregnancy could not be had. Also, Devin was a good baby, not high needs the way that Kyler was, and I knew that God was rewarding me, for how I dealt with my younger life, my heaven sent 1st born son, and for my wonderful husband, with whom we have worked well together, through the hard times.
Hmmmmmm.....I wonder what the future holds? Thank you for reading, and have a happy life!