Marriage - how we make that first step the wrong one
edited: Thursday, October 26, 2006
By Robyn M. Speed
Not "rated" by the Author.
Posted: Thursday, October 26, 2006
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Start as you mean to go on. That's the saying. But we don't. Instead, we say nothign when we should say something, all because we don't want to hurt our partner's feelings
Communication is the key. Always has been, always will be.
The difficulty in marriage begins the moment we 'let something slide' or 'ignore it' when we really should say 'hey, I think we need to talk about that.' We let so many hurts go, and find that they just keep coming.
Then we have children, and every time an issue comes up we feel powerless to say anything because we are now wholely dependent on the 'bread-winner'. We fear that if we speak up they will say 'You don't know how hard I work!' or 'Maybe YOU should go and get a job and ME stay at home and play with the kids for a change!', or any number or such responses. We feel powerless, vulnerable and, in many cases, 'trapped'. And we begin to feel unappreciated, invisible, valueless.
And so it goes on and on. We suffer the hurts in silence, while resentment builds within us until we reach such a point that a single horrible argument goes BOOM! The marriage hits the wall, as the abused partner (be it physical, mental or emotional abuse) finally say 'No more!' The partner often has no idea they have done anything particularly bad. In fact, they assume that, with every previous incidence, that things will blow over, but this time it doesn't blow over it blows UP!
Only now, as the marriage faces crisis point are things finally said. Only now do you admit all the hurts, the agonies, the fear you live in, the damage they have done over the years.
Only now does everything finally come out into the open.
Only now can things finally begin to be healed and put right, new practices put into place.
Wouldn't it be so much easier if we could communicate without fear from the very beginning. Do not be afraid of hurting the other person when you explain that something bothers you. Learn to speak gently and listen respectfully to each other. Learn to be compassionate. Learn to work together, and be prepared--and willing--to learn from each other.
Marriage needs free, open communication in order to work well.