Two Box Cars theory of emotional and physical intimacy
edited: Wednesday, January 31, 2007
By Poet Pablito
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Wednesday, January 31, 2007
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Using two car boxs on a rail to demonstrate the idea that physical and emotional intimacy do not always go at exactly the same speed.
Two Box Cars on the Rail
We normally think of physical love and emotional love in the same breath. Like two box cars on a railroad track, physical love and emotional love are going down the track at the same speed and at the same time in our life.
However nothing could be farther from the truth. The two aspects of our needs can develop differently and be traveling at two different speeds in life. Like the box cars tone can be far ahead of the other one. In fact, in most people the two box cars at far different points in their lives.
This sexual maturity is like the box car on a rail. The line represents how far the person comes in their views of sex to where they feel comfortable with all the acts and themselves in the expression and fun of the physical act.
Sexual views can change over time. A young view of sexual maturity might be that one of the person's involved in the act is very selfish and does nothing but use the other person for sex. This would be an immature view of sexual maturity. A more mature idea would be that both individuals involved in the act are doing everything within their own comfort level to please the other person. That love and desire of the two is to please and in turn be pleased by the other person. This is a mature view of sex.
Think of the immature views of sex to the mature views of sex as the distance on the railroad line. The box car moves forward as the views become more mature. One only has to think about their own person views and how they have changed over time. What I believed as a young man is completely different sexually than what I believe today.
Emotional Intimacy is when a woman feels safe, special and secure her how she has defined the relationship between herself with another person. But as people get to know each other they share several aspects of their lives. Intimacy involves being able to share your past. How you arrive at this point in your life. In involves the joys, the victories, the pains, the sorrows and the fears. It is the sum total of all the past that affects the present and the future as well.
There is power and magic in being able to share where a person has been and has it validated by someone else. To cherish the past without fear or concern that it will be used later to disparage the other person.
There is another area of emotional intimacy; Trust. This trust issue relates to how comfortable someone feels they can share how they feel today. There is another area of emotional intimacy that is important to a woman. A woman will want to express her feelings and emotions today and know they will be received and validated. Many times once the feelings are expressed and they are validated by someone else, those very feelings will disappear. It's the ability to share the joy; fears and even anger now that makes it go away. For in sharing the emotional can and should go to the other person. Two bear the feelings of one. Intimacy is the act of two becoming one in soul and spirit.
But this article deals with the idea that the sexual intimacy and emotional intimacy do not have to be at the same level. One can have a mature sex life and yet and very immature emotional intimacy level. That one can have deep emotional intimacy but be missing the physical maturity of the relationship. Like the two box cars on the two different rails. They do not have to be the same place and normally are not at the same place. If we separate the two we can look different at ourselves and others in our life and see how men or women can be at different points on the rail road tracks.
When sexual maturity and emotional intimacy are at the same place the same time. There is a much deeper contact and joy between the two individuals. Not only is the emotional connection better
but the sex is better.
The issues normally come when there are large differences in the two boxcars. One is far ahead of the other. To have deep emotional intimacy without the sexual means that one is talking to others but not connecting in the way they really want to connect. This need to find deep emotional intimacy can lead one down many a wrong path and choices in the pursuit of finding and bringing the two box cars to the same place.
Sexual maturity without emotional intimacy just results in sex becoming a great and skillful game of play,and in the process hurting those who lose in the game of love.
I welcome your views on the topic of sex and intimacy... Pablito