“Do not fear the pain of love; fear a heart that no longer can love” Pablito


Several years ago, I was playing basketball and accidentally hurt my shoulder. Because my shoulder was hurt, I stopped playing basketball. Then my shoulder was still hurting. I stopped using that shoulder as much, in everyday activities. Each time the pain in the shoulder made me reduce my activities. Gradually over the next several months, I stopped doing many things, each week, each month the pain grew in my shoulder. The pain got to the point it was unbearable. I finally went to the doctor.

The doctor said “normally pain is a sign to stop doing things. But occasionally there are times we have to learn to work through that pain or we will not heal. What had happened is that with a little pain” I stopped using my shoulder muscles. My shoulder muscles dried up, causing an even greater pain when I tried to use it.

He said “it’s a muscle and needs to be used.”

The heart is a muscle and must be used. There are times it will be just like my shoulder hurt, and one can not stop using those heart muscles.

Easy said” but how do you do that?”

Once we get hurt in a relationship and it’s extremely painful my suggestion is to relax in that pain. Do not fight the emotions of pain, but take deep breaths, admit to ourselves that we are in pain, and its okay to feel that pain. Relax in the pain.

Never deny a love that existed…You loved for a reason and just because it did not work out with your love or the “object” of your love…..does not mean giving your love was bad or inadequate… sometimes the object of your attention and love might not have even deserved your love…but they for some reason you give it to them. Never discount your love and power of your love.

Realize that loving “is a process”; the only way to give love is to become a loving person. You can not give what does not exist in your life. My suggestion is after being hurt, focus on loving yourself…..do everything positive for yourself first, then work out from there. Give to others. Where those who have hurt you make you want to pull inside yourself, fight this feeling….reach out, and love more.


Remember if you love, you will experience pain. Pain is an inherent part of loving. The more you love the greater will be the pain…but even with this pain, all the love is worth it?

My sister lost her son at 20 years old to a accidentally drug overdose. She has grieved everyday for that loss of her son. And yet, with all the pain she would not take back the 20 years of love she had for him.

Love, as painful as it can be at times, there is nothing more magical in the world, and worth our very existence in this world. .