PROTECT YOURSELF FOR LADIES
edited: Thursday, March 22, 2007
By CLINTON C UGORJI
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Thursday, March 22, 2007
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Its the most interesting material and guide for single ladies before the accept any marriage proposal
To say that our generation is facing the most unprecedented periods of anarchy in view of the inexplicable level of crisis, confusion and pains in the areas of marriages, relationships and engagements - is to say but the least. Like we have seen in the previous chapters, singles of this generation is facing a very great challenge in this very area as they are left alone with little, half baked or even no information in how to avoid or prevent themselves and their entire future from these predators. The vulnerability of singles of this generation is so alarming that one begins to wonder what would be the state of morality and safety of single men and women in the near future. The various agents of socialization – the family, church, school and the society aren’t in any way helping out on this particular subject. As they have all abandoned this very vital part of the destinies of single men and women in the hands of very merciless predators. I have by Gods special grace and inspiration revealed to you some of the pit falls on the road to a blissful and joyful relationship, and married life. It is easier to get wedded; but staying wedded is a lot more. It is very easy to start a relationship but maintaining and sustaining it is a lot more demanding and challenging. So you have to be very prepared for it. You have to learn how to deal with any eventuality that comes up in the relationship. That is exactly why you are reading this book. But this work will be incomplete in this series if I fail to bring to your knowledge these merciless predators they are as follows:
1. Sex before marriage (premarital sex)
2. Diciet or false pretence
3. Broken relationship / jilt.
5. Envious and bad friends.
I wish to deal with these five points in this very edition of this book and hope to convey more to you in the next volume of this same book
1. PREMARITAL SEX
To be very candid, I feel greatly for ladies of this 21st century, in the sense that, they are subjected to very unbearable conditions and mess all in the name of marriage. If parents understand what most of their female children undergo in the guest of finding a life partner, these parents, pastor, and family members, wouldn’t wish to be used as a stumbling block on the marital pathways of their daughters. It is so disheartening to note that the host of hell have formed a formidable force to oppose, fight, hinder, discourage, terminate or even destroy the happiness of 21st century single ladies-via their relationships and marriage proposals and some powerful pastors, evangelist, prophets church leaders and ignorant church marriage committees are not left out in this generational error that is almost crippling the purity and sanctity of the institution of marriage and relationships master minded by the devil. I have had countless breath taking and excruciating experiences and heart renting feelings while counseling single ladies and men – including married men and women.
A chat with a nineteen year old lady in a certain church where I was invited to minister, gave me the greatest pain I have ever had in ministry just before the lady walked into the counseling room, the Lord had already revealed to me all about her life. I had no option than to confront her with these revelations and I was so glad with the accuracy of the information the Holy Spirit had revealed to me about her. Her tale was that she was engaged to a man of God that had proposed marriage to her. And as such pressurized her into having an affair with him – Resisting his request, the so called “man of God”, told her that if he must marry her, then, she had nothing to worry about and therefore shouldn’t resist having premarital sex with him. On hearing the response of this man, she had to give into his request and they continued this way for more two years until she met me on that faithful day.
The holy spirit had already told me that this was the man’s stock in trade – After he had married, divorced, remarried and divorced before meeting this young lady who was desperately in search of a life partner in the wrong place – simply because she hails from a poor home and needed to run away from poverty and her home – via marriage. My greatest pain was not that he was abusing this teenager all in the name of marriage, but, physically speaking, he was 19years older than this girl and more than that he is the lead and general overseer of a great fiery prophetic ministry – I call this madness and abuse of power. The truth is that when a man discovers the most private part of your body and eventually has his way into your body sexually as much as he desires the chances of getting legally married to you have been reduced by 70%. So it means that you would be contending for 30% of his willingness to pay your bride price.
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW
He would begin to give flimsy excuses to you. Just as you tell for him, that is how others will.
He would not be as desperate as he was when you had not held sex with him. He would not be as passionate as he used to be when he had never seen all of you. He would assume you are very cheap for men to get and hence will suspect you always. His level of trust for you with other men in your company will decrease. His level of respect and regard for you will be reduced if he doesn’t love you. He would see absolutely nothing new about you. He would treat you like a piece of used tissue paper. He wouldn’t be as determined as he was in the first place. He would no longer treasure and value you as he used to. He would then begin to avoid you and your calls.
He would keep postponing his visit to your parents endlessly. He would begin to give you useless reasons why he hasn’t been able to come up with the actualization of his promise of marriage.
And finally come up with a heart breaking news or reason (S) for not marrying you.
Or he would allow you to find out that he has made a brand new choice and catch. And leave heartbroken.
N/B I wish to clearly say that all men are not the same and all men don’t act this way! But the truth is that we have unfaithful men more in number than faithful, nice, loving and honest men. There are still honest and faithful men. But don’t tempt them! “Men are moved by what they see and feel, while what they hear and feel moves women. Seductive dresses and appearance would always lead to sex – while a very careless romance would always get you aroused into sex”.
I didn’t include that of women or ladies because the number of ladies seeking for a life partner by far outnumbers that of men. That is why they are more vulnerable to sexual abuse. It is only ten out of every one thousand men that would still marry a lady they have had a long lasting sexual relationship with when these other greater fraction of men gets prepared to settle down, they would obviously look for someone else to settle down with and dump the old stocks.
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THESE TRAPS
They would always DEMAND for sex -They use sex as a condition before marrying you.
They threaten to leave you if you don’t yield. They will tell you that they will find someone else if you don’t have sex with them. They will entice you with flashy gifts and money. They would tell you that after all they would marry you so what is the need depriving them of sex? They will tell you that if you become pregnant, they will still marry you. It’s all a trap and a lie. As soon as they are done or satisfied with you, they will dump you for someone else. Ladies you have to be wise. I am a man, I know you need a husband but not any kind of husband. I am also sure you need a man around you but not any kind of man.
WHAT ARE THE POSSIBLE DANGERS?
For the fact that only 40% out of every 1000 men would marry you after having long sexual relationship with you, what is the probability that after having sexual relationship with him for more than one, two or three years that he would end up marring you?
What would you do if he ends up falling in love with someone else and dumps you? What if you become pregnant for him and he rejects you and your baby or even denies the pregnancy?
What if you become infected with any of the sexually transmitted disease or infections (STD or SDI)? What would you do when you become HIV/AIDS positive via casual or unprotected sex?
What if you destroy your womb in the process of aborting the pregnancy? How about if you eventually die in the process of aborting the unwanted pregnancy? Have you considered or realized the cost of becoming a single mum? Well, I leave you to ponder over these questions. Sex is beautiful, interesting and enjoyable but most pleasurable in marriage. Because you will not have to be afraid of being pregnant and more so you would enjoy the best of it because you are doing it with a relaxed mind and with your legitimate life partner. Don’t destroy your future today by a moment of casual or unprotected sex all in the quest for marriage. Be ware, be warned, and be wise! The choice is yours.
2. DECIET AND FALSE PRETENCE
There are countless single men and ladies with these negative qualities. They hide their true identity and character in order to get the attention of anyone they want. Such people would say something else but mean entirely something different. One of the major reasons why these unsuspecting single ladies fall prey to these sexually abusive men is because they are deceived into believing or cajoled into a false marriage proposal. They are dangerous. I do remember the story of a man that was legally married with a living wife and children in Lagos – Nigeria. He had a job in Port Harcourt City and after staying in this city for some years away from his family in Lagos, he had to engage another unsuspecting single lady in one of the leading churches in Port Harcourt City. In no time, the wedding card was set, date fixed, and all preparation were on its full course. To the unsuspecting single lady, her dream had come true . But this dream became a real nightmare when a friend to the wife of this false and deceitful groom saw the wedding card and the family name, she quickly called her friend-the mans real wife in Lagos and informed her and also asked her to come over to stop this evil; so she did and she came on the very wedding day to the hall with their wedding photographs and marriage certificate.
When it was time, the pastor quickly asked if any one had any reason or reasons why he shouldn’t join them in an “unholy matrimony” she quickly stood up with her friend and lifted their enlarged wedding photos to the entire public and stopped the wedding process. The lady ended up fainting on hearing this rather shocking and breathtaking headline news. All of this wouldn’t have happened if only she spent quality time finding out for herself before entering into this unprecedented disgrace and shame. On the other hand, the church marriage committee and didn’t do their homework properly simply because the man was a generous donor to the church.
I wish to bring to your knowledge that there are lots of deceitful men, who would tell you that they are still singles. You could visit their homes and family without the slightest information that they are married with children. They could rent a house outside the environment of their family only to have fun by deceiving single and unsuspecting ladies. They use the weapons of false pretence and deceit as an aid in order to pounce on their preys. You don’t have to close your eyes and jump into any relationship. You have to find out the truth, for yourself. If you allow yourself to fall in love blindly, your love will eventually see and recover from its blindness when it hits the rock or is faced with the most painful experience. There is another story of a lady that jumped blindly into a very deceitful proposal. They met at a very rosy environment and this very man proposed to her and they became engaged. Unknown to this lady that the man she was engaged to had also engaged four other ladies. And on one faithful day, four of these ladies met at his residence one at a time and unknown to them, that they were all engaged to one man. Trouble issued when they started asking each other what they were doing at his place; each of them claimed to be his only lady and at the end of the day they all saw that they had been used, abused, deceived and fooled by one single irresponsible radical. They all ended up in tears, fighting and destroying his house before leaving his apartment. They also discovered that he had engaged each of them for about two years. What a waste of time and loss of years.
The last on the list was the case of a lady who was engaged in bayelsa state Nigeria by a young contractor who spent three years with her in that state, he took the pains of introducing her to all his friends and coworkers as his wife. He also took another great step to see her family members of her family and introduced himself, as there would be son in-law. But unknown to her that he had also introduced himself to another family in Benin City Nigeria and hence paid part of the ladies bride price. Crisis started when the date he fix for the traditional marriage of the bayelsa lady clashed with the date his family fixed for the traditional marriage of the Benin lady. He didn’t know how to unfix himself form the dilemma he had gotten himself into. And he had not told his family of his marriage proposal to the bayelsa lady. On the said day, the bayelsa lady and her family waited endlessly for this boy and his parents to no avail, every attempt she made to contact the boy and his family where all futile as he had switched off his cell phone and done away with the line.
When she finally connected with one of his friends, they told her that he had gone to Benin city for traditional marriage and they too wondered why she was calling because they all thought they were at her village. Just at the same time, the new lad emerged from her room with her traditional regalia according to African tradition, it was then they discovered they were at the wrong place and coming to marry a lady hey had never seen. When the lady got the news, she broke down in tears and fainted. You have to be careful some men are very wicked and deceitful. I therefore, use this medium to apologize to all women and single ladies world wide for whatever way men have disappointed them. It is very painful to go through such kinds of experience, but it does most times work out for our own good and also makes us very experienced and careful. This were all true -life stories, it isn’t a story gotten form a movie. Beloved, there are countless men who go about deceiving ladies all in the name of marriage. They could even go as far as introducing you to their friends, and family members – just to give you a false sense of security. This is also eroding into the churches and religions, organizations. These are some of the reasons why lots of single ladies fall prey to these cheap deceit and pretence.
- The excessive lust for money -Very high level of greed
- Materialism -Lack of knowledge
- Ignorance about relationships -Infatuation
- Lustful fanaticize -Desperation
- Frustration -impatience
- Poverty etc.
Just as I draw the line in this very point, I wish to reassure you that when it is time for you to get married even if you have gone through hell and high waters, the Lord will see you through and put a lasting smile on your face. Be careful. A man that doesn’t add to you will subtract from you man that is not willing to make something out of you will end up marring you. A man that cannot build you will certainly break you, a man that can not develop you will end up destroying you and your future. Always abandon abusive and destructive relationships or man fast enough before he destroys, abuses and dumps you shamefully.
3. YOU DETERMIEN EVERY THING
Indeed, no one can compel you to marrying someone you have chosen not to get married to. No man will force you to bed if you don’t accept, except he intends to rape you and that is always not easy and also depend on you. You alone set the pace and standard of the relationship. I wish to drive this into your heart by asking you the following questions. ,
If you say No, Will he force you against your wish to marry him? If you refuse to engage in premarital sex, will he compel you into doing it? If you don’t have freedom or say in the relationship, do you think you will find it in marriage? If he pays less time and attention to you and your feelings now, do you think he will, when you get married? If he punishes abuses, condemns, or disdains you when you err or offend him, do you think he will stop in future? If he’s not honest, transparent and faithful to you now that you’re in this relationship, are you sure he is willing to change his attitudes and character in the future? If you make yourself very cheap and valueless, do you think or expect him to treat you other wise? Are you both medically compatible? Have you know your HIV/AIDS, blood group, genotype, and health status? Have you also found out his? Have you investigated and found out for yourself hidden facts about his past life? Are you sure he is really single? Are you sure you are indeed the only one? Is he what you truly desired? Have you found out why he constantly postpones his marriage promises to you?
Without mixing words, you determine every thing that transpires in that relationship. I do wonder why you would choose to remain in that bondage all in the name of engagement, when you can not find any atom of seriousness in him to fulfil his promises to you. I do also wonder why you think or are hopping to find affection, care, and fulfillment when it is glaringly missing in the relationship. How do you think you will get his attention and affection when you are virtually begging for it? I want you to know that you, you determine every single thing that will happen in that relationship of yours. “A careless and unexpected romance and deep kisses, will arouse you into having a careless and unexpected sex”. “Romance is like a little flame” it burns gently and harmlessly until it becomes uncontrollable and dangerously harmful and destructive!
Once you start off with romance, in the relationship, it may start from a very honest, hug, kiss, or playing with sensitive parts of your body and before you know it, you may find it interesting from the onset, but with continuous practice, you’d decide to discover the fun there is in having sex and just like a little flame, it will engulf your whole emotional responses and just before you could spell your name, you’d will never, wish to stop until you’re done… with sex. “Sex never happens by chance or by mistake, it is a lie from the devil. In most case, sex isn’t caused by the devil as most people who fall into it, blame it on the devil – sex is most times a planned or intentional act, and in some cases, the result of untamed romance and appearance. It will interest you to know that you are the only one who determines almost every thing in the relationship.
If you make yourself too free or too loose for a man, they’ll always use you, abuse you and dump you. If you allow a man to pay you each time he has sex with you, if you reduce yourself to a domestic prostituted all in the name of money or marriage, you will always be replaced and treated as such. Men will pay you for your services and when they are satisfied with your services, they will obviously seek the services of other service providers. And when this happens, you will find yourself heartbroken and disappointed. But you caused it in the very first place! You don’t expect a man to marry you when you have the worst character any one can ever think of in life. How would you complain that no man wants to ask your hands in marriage when your unknown would be husband sees you in the company and chains of other men? How would you expect a man to marry you are dirty, wasteful, too demandful, extravagant, vengeful, hardhearted, unforgiving, disloyal, lazy and always nagging. How would you also wish to find a trustworthy man when you are not, God can not be unjust to give you a clean and decent man for a husband when you have wasted all your years rolling around with different men. It doesn’t work that way baby! If you wan t a faithful, honest, nice and understanding man than aim at being what you want. This also presents another story of a lady who spent 10 years of her life, building, encouraging and sponsoring a young man who she said disvirgined her from her high school years. They both started out from nothing until he go into the university until he was out - she stood by him. The most painful part of the story was that she took in – she became pregnant for him in the course of their 10 years relationship and the pregnancy turned out to be twins.
Hoping to break this supposedly good news to this man, she faced the most shocking reaction from him. He not only rejected the pregnancy, He pressurized her to terminate the pregnancy and for “love sake” she foolishly agreed to this devilish counsel and terminated the pregnancy of her twin babies and escaped death by the thickness of a hair strand. Still hoping that they could get married, she still loved him and remained with him. Only for her to discover that this man had engaged another lady and has secretly gone to pay the pride price of this new lady and came up with a very flimsy reason for breaking the 10 years long relationship. All hell was loose and heavens were collapsing on her. She couldn’t imagine that she has lost 10 years of her life in vain. My question is what were you doing for ten years that you didn’t insist that he legitimizes the relationship or you quit? I did sincerely apologized and sympathized with her and to as many ladies who have been destroyed by men. I express my sincere apology to you all on behalf of all men – universally. I felt the pains and tears of this lady but before she knew, it was already very late for her and age had already set in; as she was some few years above thirty. What would she do, where does she start from and how would she be able to love and trust another man were all here questions. Well I do hope that God will forgive her for killing those twin babies. No matter what she had no right what so ever to take the lives of those innocent fetuses. Atleast she would have fallen back to them at this very moment. But now she has lost just everything she had laboured for 10years. These things can only happen to those who fail to learn from these lessons. She should have learnt or you refused to learn – because she was blindfolded by love.
Don’t seek a guy – pray for a man. A guy needs a lover and sex mate but a man – I mean a focused, responsible and honest man – needs a wife and a real woman and he will stop at nothing to take her home legally. You can not make yourself a wife being a sex-mate. You can not make yourself a wife being unfaithful. You can’t make yourself a responsible wife when you’re not responsible. You can’t make yourself a good wife when you are too quarrelsome and full of complains and nagging. You can’t make yourself a real wife when you express your love only for his money and wealth. He will certainly discover and treat you as such. You can’t make yourself a real wife when he has no peace staying with you. Neither can he see you as his wife if your character and general manners and behaviour have nothing to write home about. My candid suggestion is that you get my book on how to make your man yours forever and learn just how to get, maintain and keep a man in your arms and hearts forever. Make yourself a treasure and you will be treasured. Make yourself valuable and you’ll be valued. You are responsible for whatever happens to you in any relationship. Be wise, be careful, be cautious, be prayerful, and be humble. Don’t be the next victim! Protect yourself! My wife and I love you and wish you the very best on your way to a beautiful relationship and a happy and success married life and home .God bless real good.