The 1-2-3 of Forgiveness (article) by Sharon Y. Bishop on AuthorsDen

The 1-2-3 of Forgiveness

Have you ever had to face forgiveness? Ever felt in your heart that you just could not allow them to get away with what they did to you?

Imagine finding a friend, enjoying their company over a period of time, spending time with them, sharing your life with them, maybe even doing something extraordinaryly good and wonderful for them.. You did it because you have a caring heart, you did it because you liked them, you did it because you could, you did it because it was right, and it felt good.
Now imagine that same person turns around and hurts you, or betrays your trust, or just drops you like a hot potato, They do it because they want to, they do it because they were not thinkiing of you but of their own needs and feelings, they did it because they could. Or they may even refuse to acknowledge that they did it at all.

So now you are stuck with these emotions and feelings of anger, resentment and maybe even a little hatred towards them.

The answer is- you have to forgive them. And you have to do it for yourself and not for them in directly.
No you do not condone the act of pain they caused you, and no you are not allowing them to just go free from what they may have done. Forgiveness is an act of kindness to them and a freeing for you. Forgiveness really is a selfish act. Do it for yourself! Not for them.

However at the same time you will also be doing it for them. Anyone who does you wrong should face the consequences of the actions they cause. They should be made aware of and given a chance to acknowledge their wrong doing. And it will surely help to mold them into a better person in time. So no I am not saying that forgiveness should replace the punishment of someone who breaks the law or your heart for that matter.
Yet at the same time Unforgiveness, resentment and hatred are the number one killers of the mind, body and the soul.
It will eventually tear you apart, and it gives that person control over your thoughts and your emotions. If you are obsessing about the issue or the pain they caused you and re-living it over and over in your head, then they have control over your ultimate being.

So what forgiveness does is give you back your control over your emotions, your self.
When you decided to forgive someone it should not be as, Oh i will forgive them but They must promise this or that, or i will forgive them if they do this or that. True Forgiveness must be unconditional and it must be a means of putting an end to the situation and burying it forever. Because if you do not bury the situation with the forgiveness, then the person who wronged you still has power over you and the ability to hurt you again in the future.

Forgiveness is all about putting a situation to rest. Allowing the situation to die. And taking back the emotional power that one held over you. It is about regaining your control over emotions you once allowed someone else to control.
Forgiveness is a healing process that you apply to yourself. It is the ultimate bandage for the open wound of hurt and pain.It is about taking back your control and no longer being a victim to your past relationships, situations. and encounters. It is your chance to wipe the slate clean and dusk your feet of the situation. Sometimes this requires that you severe all ties to the person in question.

The ultimate point in the matter is that in order to get on with your life and be free you must learn to forgive people.
When you are hurting it is hard to forgive. You first of all need time. And in time you will get over the shock of being hurt, betrayed or abused.
Then you need to face what happened and sort out your feelings about the situation.
You need to judge yourself and find your part in the matter and take responsibility for what you may have done to cause the issue.

Once you can honestly walk away from judging yourself and feel that you have done all you could to prevent the situation, or that it was NOT your fault to begin with. Then you can move on to the 3 steps of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is more of a richual practice than one might think. When we walk in unforgiveness we have cluttered hearts and minds. We are covered with stress and the hurt, pain and disappointment become like a strong chain around our hearts and choke the very life from us. When we decided to free ourselves by practicing forgiveness, we not only free our hearts, but we then open the gateway for true happiness, positive energy and the forced freshness of life to flow through us.
Here are the 1-2-3 practical steps you can take to locate forgiveness in your life.

1.