Mz. Conduct's House Of Sin # 53 Time Flies and So Do Queen Bees
edited: Thursday, May 02, 2002
By mz kimi
Posted: Sunday, April 21, 2002
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The Queen of Freakin' Everything and her humble opinions
Time Flies and So Do Queen Bees
“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild to run with.”
Carrie from Sex in the City
Ask the Mistress of Mischief, Mz. Conduct herself, at: guttergrl69.hotmail.com
Maybe it’s because of a big digit birthday on my doorstep (damn that welcome mat), or maybe it’s a reflection of past experiences, past penises and the fact that having a queen bee complex simply complicates everything.
Queen bees love attention; our honey is by far the sweetest and we dare to have deviant double standards. Then we can’t understand why people don’t understand. We are not jealous or possessive until we find ourselves in a love thang, which we fight like hell to avoid. Sometimes it just creeps up and bites us on our beautiful, round asses. Because we get turned on even more by the pain of the bite, we feel as if we’ve lost control. We will always gather back control, that’s not the issue. It’s the abruptness of the sting and the vacancy in the hive.
What is it that we queen bees want? Why is it that we need everyone to love us more than anyone else? We want brains, romance, nurturing and undying love, but we also want a man who is strong enough to put us in our place when need be. Personally I want to be banged in the library bathroom. I want strange adventure and uninhibited lust, anywhere and anyplace I so desire. I want flowers and surprises and to be told I’m a raging bitch when I am. I want to be slammed up against the wall and told how much I’m wanted. I want tenderness and humor and nasty exchanges all day long. I want sex in the morning and in the middle of the night and every chance in between. I want to be held when I’m crying and my hair stroked when I’m a blathering, drunken mess. Is that too much to ask? I don’t think so. But maybe that’s why no man can handle me and stay sane or physically in tact for long. Men see me as a challenge and then fizzle out somewhere down the line. I wonder if any one person can alter your spirit within, or finally put a muzzle on the little green monster that shadows us from time to time. Is enough ever enough, and will I live long enough to know?
I thought back to third grade when David Madrigal was my boyfriend. He was sweet and very cute and hid lots of gifts for me in the big oak tree down the street. I loved it but wanted something more. Danny Fisher was popular and with his little overbite, I decided that I wanted him too. Eventually, and as the years went by, I roped him and then juggled the two pre-pubescent punks until I dumped them both for Eddie H. Eddie H. was a bad boy. Trouble with the law and the works and we were only in middle school. He threw rocks at me and was mean, but I knew he liked me because when he wasn’t with his friends, he would call me at home and talk nasty. I thought, this was the boy for me. Well, until another one caught my eye, at least. He already had a girlfriend, but that was beside the point in my should-have-been-banned book, and when I finally got his undivided attention, I dumped him like a bag of week old trash. There is something about the unattainable to us all that remains so tempting and alluring. I just want everyone’s love, damnit. Hey, it’s not like I don’t make it a point to spread it around myself.
Anyway, my life has always been this way and I wonder why it is that we queen bees need more than simple girls seem to. The uncomplicated and simple girls that men end up marrying ... and then inevitably cheat on with us. Maybe because we’re wild, spirited and on fire in the sack, and can never be tamed.
So, the transient trollop called me, peeing her panties in laughter. She had called her voice mailbox and heard a panting sort of breathy sound but no message. Well, after getting all worked up and listening to it four times she realized it was her own damn voice. She had called and hit the wrong button an hour before and left herself the unknowingly, titillating message. Too freakin’ funny. Since I was feeling unloved and rejected, she informed me, “Hey, at least I don’t have anyone to reject me where as you and your whining self allows yourself a pasture full of boys to reject your demanding queen bee self.” I guess she has a point. She said if I complained further, she’d kick my ass so hard that I’d be wearing a colostomy bag. Then I could shop for shitty shoes to go with it. Point taken.
Dear Mz. Conduct,
I know this is an odd question, but would you consider stepping/walking on a man? Would you choose to wear shoes and if so what type? Is this a strange thing to ask?
Footing the Bill
Oh, it’s not an odd question and in the mood I’m in, you betcha! Yes I would wear shoes, my shiny, black, stiletto heels and I’d start marching away at your groin, honey, like I was putting out a fire. Don’t take it personally though, you’re just a man.
It’s not that strange, as you have a foot fetish of sorts. You like to be demeaned by the opposite sex and have a definite submissive side to you. In actuality this activity would have to be planned a bit and discussed ahead of time with the woman who would do this. You may want to start with her bare feet and work your way up to heels of any sort. Afterwards, a nice massage and some intimacy are a must. You can always hire a professional dominatrix to do this too. She will know what she’s doing and inadvertently show you what to do with a non-professional for next time. Not a new fetish, and nothing to fret over. When I was a little girl I remember Nancy Sinatra’s sex ridden voice on the radio as she sang “These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these boots are going to walk all over you.” I used to get chicken skin just thinking how cool that would be. Of course it was a metaphorical verse in her case, but I always preferred the literal interpretation. If the shoe fits, wear it and walk on a man who loves it.
Dear Mz. Conduct,
Recently a woman told me I have an abnormal penis. She said it was too short, too fat and the head curves too far under. I have only been with a hand-full of women in my life and never really compared my erect penis with another man’s so never thought anything was wrong with my little friend. I respect her opinion and wondered if you could help?
Panty liners for post-it notes, at least this woman was brutally honest with you, I commend her for that alone. From what you tell me, it sounds like you may Peyronies (pronounced pay-row-knees) disease. I found out about this when the Lil’ Princess had a man with such a penis. Sometimes a penis with Peyronies is very short, abnormally so, say about three inches when erect. It also can be very thick and the head is severely curved up or down or to the side. It can make it difficult to penetrate a woman and can also be painful at times. There are surgical procedures that can help, but they are painful and sometimes shorten the penis even more. There are exercises you can do though, and if consistent, may also help and certainly be less painful without losing anymore length. It sounds like surgery would not be a bright idea for you, stubby.
If any of these things sound familiar then there is a site you can check out at;
www.peyronies.org which may answer some further questions. If not, then maybe you just have a mutant little stub of manhood and should go find a submissive little woman who will love you first for who you are then happily take whatever hangs between your legs.
Copyright 2002 All Rights Reserved Kim Alvarez
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|Reviewed by BrytEyz
|What a Queen Bee you are, my dear. Black stripes makes me think of black leather...and you most definitely have a sting, my sweetness. I went out and bought a boa with you in mind. Now I'm gonna go out with only it, heels, and thigh highs on one night soon. (Under a rain coat of course) and surprise the shit out of the sap I've been seeing!You know who it is...and I'll write you all about it soon. Question: Am I still Cinderella Cyber Twat? LOL|
|Reviewed by BrytEyz
|most awesome article i've ever read in this day and time...makes amy vanderbilt's book of etiquette into like a model t. put a little honey on the barbie, and you got humble pie for zulu wear. the graphic is corcoran value laden. make sure you save it to disk, sweetheart. being an ex-queenie, i identify with this article more than any i have ever read. queen bees are just like ferrets; in that they will forage for food forever like a nomad. they have no ant mentalities. which is why all those worker bess have to keep them hemmed in the nest making eggie sacks. sad reality, i know; but factually a truth in genetic geneology. DNA tells it like it is and doesn't lie. mammasan|
|Reviewed by David Coyote
|Good daze - bad daze - take a deep breath and love yourself as much as you want others to love you.
I just stopped by the hive to see if you wanted to spread some honey. Take care, Kimi.
|Reviewed by Rhyn
|Sadly not one of ya better pieces...dump the baggage and ya shoes go out and get a new wardrobe|
|Reviewed by na na (Reader)
|I am very glad to be the first to comment on this article. Great and funny as always and very instructive and all that stuff. But you are my queen bee kimi and I would love to be caught in Ms. Conduct with you. Just lay some honey on me and I will buzz around you forever. Bill|