A Veteran's Guide to Black Friday
edited: Thursday, November 22, 2007
By Denise A. Smith
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Wednesday, November 21, 2007
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A veteran's guide to BF, or what I did when I should have been sleeping.
Help is here. Gird your loins virgin shoppers, take plenty of water with you, eat lunch at home (By the time you get to this stage you'll be ready to go home.), and pack your sense of humor right along with your wallet. You're going to need it. Black Friday is here.
So, this is your first hunting trip? You definitely need help. Have any hunters in the family? Think about them getting ready to go hunting. Then toss that thought aside and think MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.
First you'll need a map and instructions on how to obtain one. Rise at sunrise on Turkey Day and make your way to the nearest convenience store with required change in your pocket, and buy the latest newspaper that has the largest concentration of ads inside. Take your map home and toss aside the superfluous black & white text pieces, the high gloss enriched colored maps are what you want. Stop. You were going to look for what you needed and the stores you were going to weren't you? Slow down, that's the sure sign of a novice.
Start with all the ads with the earliest opening times. Early specials mean money in your pocket. More than likely you won't even know you needed it before you saw the price. Now, that you have an idea of what you want and what you really needed, make a list. List them in order of importance (Importance? What is a must have.) with: store, item, and time you need to be there for the best deal. Don't toss the maps away. The ads from the stores you are going to shop are essential in the back seat of the car for those last minute checks of price and time. Also, some BK veterans like to keep checking the maps all day Turkey Day for something they've missed.
Now you are ready to go to bed early, 4AM (for smaller populated areas) wake up. Yes 4AM (Remember the larger the population the earlier you should rise.), limited quantities means just that and rainchecks are for dreamers. You will need to line up before the store opens. Dress appropriately, predawn in some parts of the country require snowshoes and chains. Remember lines are brutal and you aren't amongst children. Adults will call you down if you cut and may even become violent. This is not to say that your line buddies are not your friends, at least till the doors open. Those around you will be blurry-eyed as well and wondering how in the hell they got there when everyone else is still in bed. Be kind, a smile and light conversation can pass the time till the mad rush for the doors begins. Then it is every shopper for themselves.
Remember where you are going, what your objective is and let nothing stop you. Always go for the high priced and deep discounted first, because they can be gone in 30 seconds (Sounds like a movie?). All right now that I've prepped and scared you get out there and shop. And remember, I'll be home sleeping in a warm bed.