AuthorsDen.com   Join Free! | Login    
   Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Gary Rodriguez, iLinda Alexander, iFlorence Weinberg, iRobin Leigh Miller, iT. Cline, iAndrew Updegrove, iCarl David, i

  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     
Andrew Rafalski

· + Follow Me
· Contact Me
· Books
· Articles
· Poetry
· Messages
· 22 Titles
· 96 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Before 2003

Andrew Rafalski, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.



The Eight Day Solution
by Andrew Rafalski   

Last edited: Tuesday, November 11, 2003
Posted: Tuesday, November 11, 2003

  Print   Save    Follow    Share 

Recent articles by
Andrew Rafalski

Let us not Rush to judgment
The Noon Whistle
When a Panda Sneezes
How to do "To Do" Lists
An Invitation to the White House
When Words Step Out For a Walk
The Life Starts Here
           >> View all

Eliminate Mondays?

Where do the days come from? Did you ever think of that? You should…

Like Monday, where does it come from, and why? Why couldn’t the week start with, let’s say, Wednesday, or at least Tuesday. Cut off Monday, like they cut off your leg when it’s too blue to save, or like they cut off your cancer if it’s malignant. Except when they cut off your cancer it can come back. When they cut off your leg it will never come back. Why is that? Is this a negative world or what?

Did you ever notice how the negatives work soooo much better than the positives? Just think, you do the positive thing, work hard to earn money. But losing or spending it is the easiest thing in the world. You slave away at your diet to get measly positive results. But gaining weight is as easy as glancing at a donut. The positives are so hard to accomplish. The negatives take no effort at all.

So if we cut off Monday (a positive) it would surely grow back like that nasty tumor. But if we decided to add a day to the week, do you think that would be difficult? Hell no! Corporations and the government would love to have an extra work day a week.

Yes indeed, an eight day week, with two days off.

Same pay of course. Duty to the country in time of economic slump. Congress would jump at the opportunity to legislate an additional day to the week. It would certainly boost the Gross National Product, and improve the protestant work ethic. And unintended consequences would positively accrue. Every month would have four equal weeks, and therefore 32 days. Notice how much simpler remembering the months becomes. “32 days hath September and October and November and all the months the same.” Easier to memorize too.

And wouldn’t this just tick off the French. The French and most of the world gradually cut down on the work week hours. How decadent! We increase ours. Therefore bigger economy, stronger dollar, more profits, bigger bonuses for execs, 14.28 % more to be exact! And wouldn’t that goose the market. The Dow would jump 50% just from the thought of an eight day week.

Since we are the “most powerful nation in the history of the world” the others would soon have to follow. Otherwise the world financial markets would be out of synch. They would have to cave in to our leadership, adopt the eight day week. Except for the French. They would stay put. And soon their calendar would be hopelessly out of synch with the rest of the world. He he.

The longer week would mean a 384 day year. That would be a huge perk in our personal lives. Add 19 days to every year. We would all age 5% slower! To make things uniform going forward, Congress could legislate the new calendar retroactively, and make everyone 5% younger. If you are 40 you would be legally 38. This would immediately delay the looming social security benefits crash and allow at least two years worth of “saved” federal funds to downsize the deficit, or, more likely upsize the spending on the military.

The only hitch I see in adding the extra day is what to name it. Since it would be an American invention and we are at war, and supposed to remain at war for the foreseeable future, we should call it Flagday, or possibly Ameriday. Flagday or Ameriday would come after Sunday, making it appropriately the first work day of the week. And here, dear reader we come full circle to my initial rant, and achieve our goal. We eliminated blue Monday as the first day of the week!

There are all kinds of sentimental speculations that could come forth. Since we are searching every inch of Iraqi dirt for weapons of mass destruction I can foresee the discovery of long lost ancient scrolls which expand on the Bible Genesis story. The “missing day scroll”: And God saw, after sleeping on it, the seven days were still not good. Evil in the world was forming. So He created America, for it to become the most powerful nation in the history of the universe and fight evil. And that was the eighth day, and it was good and He called it a week.

Yes, let’s bring on the eight day week now!



Copyright © 2003 by Andrew Rafalski

Web Site: Writing on the Wall


Reader Reviews for "The Eight Day Solution"


Want to review or comment on this article?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!


Reviewed by Andrew Rafalski
Darlene,

Thank you for the comment. Yes I did think of "Eight Days A Week" when I was writing. The Beatles were simply ahead of their time :). Good ideas resurface and eventually become reality (hope I'm gone if this idea ever comes to pass), ha ha.



As far as the factory workers, it would be tough for most of them. They would have to come after me from Mexico, China, India, and all those other places to which we have exported jobs. We Americans are being left to become hamburger flippers, WalMart greeters, and unpaid poets.
Reviewed by Darlene Caban
Hmm... does that mean The Beatles were seeing into the future with "Eight Days A Week?" ;) Interesting article... but get ready to relocate if this ever really happens-- thousands of factory workers will be out to kick your a**! ;)
Reviewed by Aamie Burnley
... my head is spinning; i'll keep monday, thank you :)
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
hey...i happen to LIKE mondays; that day i am off work! LOL
Popular Humor Articles
  1. Marinating on my TV
  2. Calling Dr. Mengele, Calling Dr. Mengele
  3. Lost C. Burnett Skit
  4. Tickle Fingers
  5. The Toilet Seat Delima
  6. It's the Old Spice Guy: Look at Him, Now L
  7. Time for Confusion
  8. A Penny For My Thoughts?
  9. Conniving My Retirement
  10. 2014 and 2015

Grandad Miller, Serial Killer by Mark Sutton

You'll never feel safe on your allotment again.....  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered, Part II by Jay Dubya

Shakespeare: Slammed, Smeared, Savaged and Slaughtered, Part II is adult literature that satirizes ten famous William Shakespeare plays...  
BookAds by Silver, Gold and Platinum Members

Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.