My future has always remained unclear. My search to know what lies ahead has driven me into the hands of psychics, but most would be just fortune tellers. But the few true to second sight would tell of what was to come, but the future is never set in stone. And my choices, my mistakes would always change my path.
Even as a little girl, I had the urge to run out into this world. I wanted you to know me. I did not want to remain a blank face in the crowd, a ghost without a name, but where could I go? I would stand by the front door, gazing out at the open road, and yearn to spread my wings and fly, but I remained grounded. And as the years dragged on, I began to disappear, and my future slipped further and further away.
She placed the cards before me. Her fingers touched their edge, and her eyes fluttered, trying to see into my life. The twenty dollar bill rested at the corner of the table, and fate waited to be read. But as her lips moved, I knew this was not my life that she spoke of, and it was another failed attempt to touch what I could not see. And I left in disgust, a ghost to never be known.
As each year passed into another, my future took a step closer, but what did it hold? Would my talent finally break through and shine into this world, or would I stay behind, drifting away? The burden of life weighed heavily upon my shoulders. Scars etched across my mind, mistakes to never be undone, but time refused to send me back and erase the memories that haunt me still. And the past stepped back, and I moved forward. But what do I walk to?
The future has always remained out of reach, and I worry of finding myself where I do not want to be. There was a moment in time, where he would have married me, and I would have lived as nothing more than a housewife. But that would be nothing but a cage to hold me, and I yearn to fly free. But I am still grounded, staring out at that open road, and dreaming of you to know me, but where could I go? The future was out there, waiting for me to find it, but I can never see where to go. Instead, I continued to stumble through the dark.
We are on a precipice of a new year, and as I lean over the edge, all I saw was darkness. Pages of my life disappeared into the unknown, but no more do I fear the fall. Shards of my life would no longer slice me deep, mistakes finally put at rest. Snake skin fell away, and the past lied dead at my feet. And I kick it into the abyss before me, and tendrils wrapped around the ghost that I once was. But I remain where I stand, ready to take the next step into a future waiting.
My future has always remained unclear. My search to know what lies ahead has driven me into the hands of psychics, but they cannot tell me who I am. The burden of life has broken my foundation, and I am the sum of the trials that I faced. And as these long years fade away, my hands touch the dreams that have kept me alive, kept me moving, and it is not the open road that would lead me to you. It would be this screen before me, telling you of who I am, and as I plunge into the new year, a blank chapter to be written, my story would continue. And I would take one step closer to the future that I want, change my path as I go, and never repeat the mistakes that tore me to shreds. Instead, I would break this ground, spread my wings, and finally fly free.
Blank Pages Written of Time
by, Melissa R. Mendelson