edited: Sunday, December 27, 2009
By Melissa R Mendelson
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Sunday, December 27, 2009
Become a Fan
That little girl was long gone, but did I want to be the one still holding my gaze?
Little flames danced before my eyes. Dreams I’ve denied burned deep within my heart. My time, my life flickered against the dark, and with all spark do I ignite the future. And the past disappears in smoke.
Darkness took me in its embrace, held me tight, and then let me go. Shadows of my past desperately clung to walls, cobwebs across the ceiling, but they too fell away. That life was gone, and a little girl fades into the ghost beside me. And a stranger’s face catches my gaze in the mirror opposite where I sit.
Smoke sifted into the air, whispers of a struggle I’m now released from, but where do I go from here? The pen was resting against the blank page, but I’m afraid to take it in my hand. What would this writing say about me? Were the dreams clawing to break free finally claim this world, or were they doomed to forever rest inside me? And pale moonlight touched my hand, destiny falling over me.
The razor edge of mistakes cut away a piece of worry. The sweet taste of love flowed through my heart, and maybe, this year, I would find him. And he would be waiting for me, but what if he remained nothing but a dream? Would I remain alone, still dreaming of him?
Hours melted away, and the night came to its end. But I remained where I sat, staring at the mirror before me. How did I get here? Could I finally let go of all those mistakes that clung to me, bury the past for good? Was I ready for what was to come? Did I know this strange woman before me?
This was the moment of celebration. The hands of time met and held one another, and I was born. With each year, I found myself here, wanting more, but did I have the right to complain? Should I be grateful for what I had, or should I push to achieve more? What legacy would I leave behind when my time is over, when I am gone? Who would people say I really was?
The house was empty now. No cars filled the driveway. The phone calls had fallen into silence. The ticking of the clock was my only companion, and I sit lost in thought. And the night was spent, and I am finished. Tomorrow would be the first day of another year, and I would have no choice but to awake and greet it. But I was not ready to say good-night.
This year was not as bitter as those before it. Strange events spun my life round and round. Loss broke my heart, and love remained out of reach. And dreams still shined like brilliant stars against the velvet ropes of night, and I dreamed of him. But the chairs around me were empty, and he was a vision that I yearned to find real. And I wondered about what lied in wait in the days ahead.
My future remained a tease. Bits and pieces filtered into my life, and then it was gone. And I was left with the past trying to take me by the hand, but I shrugged it off. I won’t return to who I was once. That little girl was long gone, but did I want to be the one still holding my gaze? Did she know herself, or was she as lost as me?
I moved away from the table, cleaning up as I went. Pictures decorated walls of family and friends, good times gone. Ribbons and bows fell to the floor, and candles rolled into my hand. And I held them tight, silently making a wish, and then I dropped them into the black bag lying by the door. Farewell to the one year gone. Tomorrow was a new day, a new year, and it was time to say hello.
by, Melissa R. Mendelson