Raising the Collar
Acting my Life
by, Melissa R. Mendelson

Hi, my name is Melissa Mendelson, and I am an addict. I am guilty of being addicted to myself. With all my demons, troubled youth, and the scars that I carry, I find it hard letting go of myself. Who would I be, if I wasn't me? How do I walk away from myself? 

In Acting class, we talk of letting go. Forget who you are. Be the character. We love the movies, the television shows, and even the comic books, and we want to be the characters that we love. It's not as easy as you think because in becoming them, you can't be you. It sounds easy to imagine being them, but imagine really being them. Could you be like Johnny Depp, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kevin Spacey, Angelina Jolie, Brittany Murphy, and Rachel Weisz?

I leaned back in my chair, variations of myself, and radiating defensiveness. I was vulnerable once upon a time, and the bullies, the monsters descended on me like a pack of vultures, picking my bones down to their pearly whites. I have loved and have had my heart ripped out, and I have destroyed relationships of those that could've saved me. I've lived through the worst of times and hardly the best, and I remember memories that haunt my pen. I know who I am, but can I leave myself behind? Rise from this chair, escape the shadow of myself, and become you, a character that captivates and thrills and chills? Would you see who I have become, or would you still see me? 

It's all in the baby steps. One foot after the other. With a vivid imagination, I paint the scene, create the character, and set the story in motion. No memorizing the lines. Be in the moment. Don't think. Just step one foot after the other, and it's like a sweet dance that carries you far, far away. But then you see yourself, but who do you really see? 

I live the normal life. I come home to a crazy house. Past and present clash, and the future remains in fog. I know where I've been, but I question where I'm going, unhappy of present circumstances. I need to move on, step away, to live, and Acting is the door, opportunity knocking. Lessons are to be learned, and a mentor is waiting. It's no easy task, but life never is. We have to try, or we have to give up. I won't give up. I want to become more. I want more than this average life, and to do that, I must pull all these layers away, revealing the butterfly fluttering deep inside.