Sistahs have to school each other...
edited: Sunday, January 26, 2003
By Roxann Latimer
Posted: Sunday, January 26, 2003
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I am not a feminist...let me get that out the way first...I am spiritually conscious and I am Pan African. While I respect and do fight for the rights of women around the world, my first fight has and continues to be for the fight of my people. Last week I was in a group of sistahfriends, just a social thing...yet the conversation became heated and while we didn't do physical battle, a mental fight was begun. And that is always a good thing. Because the conversation that led to this emotional confrontation had to do with African
American women and our morals. We can't holla "give me respect " out of one side of our face
and then proceed to show a lack of respect for self by: acting like a ho, expecting a brotha to "pay his weight" or always be seeking that "sugar daddy" and let's not talk about our sistahs all up in those nasty videos "shakin they money makers".
Think I'm being too hard? Well let's look at our recent history: Whether Mystikal or R. Kelly are found guilty of their charges, the problem still remains. Men and women being manipulated by sex for whatever their goals may be. The time
for being politically correct is over. If we as a people continue to maintain European standards in our lifestyles, as opposed to the natural Africentric standards of our ancestors
then we must be ready to face the consequences.
J'Neequa, 22 and a computer programmer, met Jamal over the Internet. She lives in L.A. and he lives in North Carolina.
She liked the way he talked and for a period of six months they communicated by email, instant messenger and telephone.
Finally they closed the distance and Jamal visited J"Neequa in L.A. Now girlfriend promised herself she was not going to have sex with him the first time out. But after seeing his hard honey brown body up close, girlfriend forgot about all her promises to God and to herself and quickly fell into his ever loving arms. To top it all off, Jamal told J'Neequa he hated condoms, and girlfriend allowed him unprotected reign into her body.
After a weekend of mutual physical bliss, they promise to love and marry. J'Neequa promises to quit her job and move to North Carolina to be with Jamal, and Jamal goes home to prepare for their life together. Or so she thought. After Jamal returned he talked to J'Neequa a couple of times before the silent treatment started. After two weeks of no contact, J'Neequa who didn't have Jamal's physical home address or work telephone number had to rely upon their initial contact method and e mailed him. She wasn't mad at him, but wanted to
know what had she done to warrant his silence. "Why you mad at me?"
Thank God, sistahgurl didn't have aids or didn't get
pregnant, she just ended up with a broken heart after old boy admitted to living with someone and that he couldn't talk to her anymore.
At 34, Mavis is a single mother and LVN. She has a 19 year old daughter who she is training to be a "Professional Gold Diggah". No Mavis doesn't instruct her beautiful daughter who graduated with honors from high school to attend college and get a degree but to attend college to meet her future
husband. She also promotes her daughter to attend professional associations to meet eligible bachelors. Now on the surface, you may say, what's wrong with that? But since Mavis daughter was 15, she has always relied upon the generosity of older men to buy her school clothes and take her to places her mother couldn't afford. Mavis daughter isn't seeking love or a love relationship but the best man who can handle her plan of a certain lifestyle. So while she is waiting on Mr. College degreed brotha to step to the plate, she is doing the same thing her cousin does who lives in the projects and doesn't think she has a future outside her domain, Mavis daughter spends her time with the Thug of the month, the gang banger and drug slanger that can afford to keep her hair weaved and acrylic nails done and flossed and glossed in the latest designer wear.
Kalidah just doesn't understand why her husband told her he might leave her for another woman. She works every day, takes
> care of his home and children and never complains. But she also doesn't talk to him about her problems or share with him in family decisions. Instead she discusses her personal business with her friends and family and takes him the final decision without respect or regard for his feelings. No she has totally emasculated her husband. Ostracized him and made him to feel abandoned and neglected. Her blessing is that he
has forewarned her.
Brendelle has been married to the same man who has fathered all four of her children for fifteen years. And while he is physically and verbally abusive, she has and continues to make excuses for his behavior. He works a good job but then so does she. Bvut appearances mean everything to Brendelle.
They live in a beautiful home in a new housing development and have two brand new SUV's and a lifestyle to match their upper middle class incomes. Her family and friends no longer
help her by providing a safe haven whenever he goes into battle and beats her to within an inch of her life. Instead she must go to shelters to stay and inevitably returns home and the cycle begins anew.
Sistahs, it is up to us to school each other on how to be caring and nurturing mothers, sistahs, daughters and wives or lovers. And on how to love and honor ourselves. It doesn't matter what your religious background is, all religions have the same precepts of right and wrong, and the laws that govern us. But we find it easier to live our own way and then wonder why things go so astray. Ethics, morals and values make up our characters...and for too long we have ignored the importance of teaching high standards and
spiritual conduct to our children. For too long we have maintained a battle of wills with our mates instead of seeking compromise other than in the bedroom. For too long we have allowed society to dictate our moral path...for too long we have allowed the pleasure of our senses to override the
dictates of our conscious selves. Yes, sistahs we can't keep calling men dawgs, when it is us who raise up most men anyway...we can no longer laugh at Momma Drama and not look seriously at it's consequences to our children. There is a time when we are no longer victims, but volunteers to the actions of others as well as to the actions we perpetrate against ourselves. Yes sistahs, we have to school each other.
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