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Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado

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Think I Am Going To Leave For A While. I Can't Write, So Why Read?: A Rant
by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado   
Rated "PG" by the Author.
Last edited: Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Posted: Wednesday, April 18, 2007

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Feeling frustrated, feeling depressed.

I think I am going to go for a while; I am feeling depressed, feeling frustrated.

I get as many as 75 reviews on a poem, and yet my stories hardly get a second glance. I am NOT a poet. I am a storyteller.Pure and simple.

Or my twin sister (Karla Dorman The StormSpinner) pours her heart out into every poem she writes, and she is lucky to get more than twenty while I do one and get as many as 75 reviews. WHY? What is she doing wrong? She is much better at poetry than I'll ever be, and certain people here get bunches of reviews while she gets not more than 20 (most she's gotten was 40, and it was only because it was about me). I don't like to write poetry; this is why I don't even bother with it. It's too much work, and it gives me a headache! That's why I stick to stories; for some reason I find them easier to do.

If I write about disability so much, so what. I don't fucking care. I am disabled, and people don't understand a goddamn thing what I go through every day. People with disabilities aren't meant to be hidden away, which is what has happened for far too long: we are people too, we have the same feelings as the "normal" crowd, we have the same desires, the same dreams. Yet because our bodies don't work the same (or look the same), people choose to look down at us or refuse to hire us when we look for gainful employment. They look at the surface instead of getting to know the real person.

I am sick and tired of having to prove myself. I am sick of the attitudes being flung on the disabled: that we don't matter, that we don't equal up to those who look or act "perfect", that we aren't worth anything.

You hardly see books for people who are disabled, and forget books for children. If the character IS disabled, they are often seen as a lesser character or the butt of jokes. I am sick of it! How about portraying the disabled as they really are: HUMAN BEINGS?? Human beings with real feelings, human beings with real hurts, human beings with real problems that they didn't ask for??

We didn't ask to be this way: it just happened, yet people refuse to even acknowledge us, give us a sporting chance. Shove her in the closet; she's disabled, she isn't worth anything. That's how I feel, and when people don't even read me (or Michelle Kidwell or other disabled writers' works), it hurts. It hurts deep, and I have a problem trying to get over my feellings. I feel like I don't even matter, so why even write?? I can't write; I'm a loser, and I am not worth a shit.

So on that note, goodbye. It was nice knowing you.

~Karen Lynn. :( >tears!<

If you want, you can keep Karla and I in your prayers; we could really use them! Thanks!

Reader Reviews for "Think I Am Going To Leave For A While. I Can't Write, So Why Read?: A Rant"

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Reviewed by Elizabeth Price 9/27/2007
I needed to read this rant today because I feel the pain. I'm not physically disabled, just mentally disabled and I'm only a label to a lot of people. You are a great writer and I just wish I got as many reviews as you two do. I get the readers but very few reviews. Oh well. Enough. You will prevail and so will I. Great write. Liz
Reviewed by Regis Auffray 9/19/2007
Hi Karen. Thank you for sharing your soul honestly. You and Karla (and many others) post a lot and there is no way that I can keep up but I do try. I usually get quite a few review on a poem but I only post one every few weeks if I am fortunate. Also, I alway ensure that I reciprocate for any review received either with a commentary or, if there is nothing to review, I send the individual a message of thanks. I hope you are feeling better. Amour et paix, ton ami de la C-B, Canada,

Reviewed by Tom Hyland 9/13/2007


reminds me of an old note on an outhouse wall...

"Here I sit, brokenhearted... came to SHIT, and only FARTED!" R U SMILIN' YET, DARLIN'?

A break is usually a good idea, when frustrated over anything. Also, sometimes, a good PURGATIVE helps! R U LAUGHIN' YET?

Now, for the serious side --- I RARELY DO MUCH READING OF OTHERS, HERE . AD, SO I STAND GUILTY AS CHARGED. Sometimes, like now, I produce something that I think is really intelligent, and rush to post it... BUT CAN'T EVEN GET ONLINE... because my friggin' - freakin' - bleepin' rat bastard sonofabitchin' PUTER don't work! Sometimes for 2-3 days, then I REALLY GET PISSED N' REALLY DETERMINED...

ANYWAY, I read what everyone else posted below, before me, before I DUN ROTE THIS HERE THANG... MR. ED. NAILED IT! I can merely only ECHO his remarks.

RE: DISABILITY... 1st of all, you used the term 'PERFECT' above... BULLSHIT - NO ONE IS PERFECT! Maybe most people are more functional PHYSICALLY, but how many of them have a really good sharp MIND like YOU & KARLA? Just think about all those beautiful women with HUGE HOOTERS that are referred to as DUMB BLONDES!

"There, but for the Grace of God, go WE!"

In your description of those precious people who are not 100% physically functional, it also encompasses another LARGE GROUP... THE ELDERLY... SENIOR CITIZENS... DUMPED IN HOMES AND ALMOST FORGOTTEN.

3 days a week, I deliver prescriptions to all kinds of HOMES, the SAD, EMPTY EYES AND STARES ALMOST BREAK MY HEART! My own sister, Rose, had the dreaded ALZHEIMER'S, and didn't even KNOW WHO I WAS when she died on Easter Sunday morning. My MOM had the same damned ailment, and died the same way. ALZ STEALS AWAY A PERSON'S DIGNITY, AND that SUCKS!

After your break, you get your WIND all churned back up, and come back and KICK SOME ASS... OKAY?

GOOGLE the word ... DESIDERATA, then READ it, and PRINT IT OUT and HANG it somewhere prominently ....


Tom Kat, as in MEOW?

Reviewed by Mary Coe 9/8/2007
Karen, we must write what's in our hearts. Writers write from the
heart, I have been writing on AD since May, 2007; I have 25 titles and a grand total of 84 reviews. You have 75 reviews on one poem. WOW! KEEP WRITING! Don't give up. I have three short stories; and a grand total of 9 reviews on three stories. One of my stories have over 1400 hits and only 7 reviews. The other two stories have one review (each) only. Keep writing. I am guilty of reading and not leaving a review because I just want to get to ano0ther article or story. When I started writing on AD, I wasn't sure if I would get any reviews. I love writing. So I write. When you think of quitting because of reviews. Just think of me and say "that poor Mary she only has 84 reviews total" and she is still hanging in there. Don't give up. Keep on going. Sometimes our disabilities can get us to feeling depressed, I know from experience. I was in severe pain 24 hours a day for three years. I got little or no relief from medication my doctor gave me. Pain forced me to hang up my car keys for almost a year. Turned out my hip was gone. I had a hip replacement in 2004. I don't get as deperssed as I used to get when I was in constance, severe, pain. I still have problems with my right arm and back. I have disc problems. The L-4, 5 and the C-4 disc. I was hit by a car in 1989 and had problems with my right side every since. It got worst as I got older. Writing helps. You are a talented writer. Hang in there.

Reviewed by Patricia Bankhead (Reader) 9/7/2007
My mom is disabled. She lost a leg due to diabetes so I can feel your pain in this write. Always remember Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Love, Hugs and Smiles
Reviewed by Frances Webb 9/5/2007
Karen, having a disability isn't the reason you don't get reviews. We all go through that. I am just beginning to start writing and I find myself craving input for my works so I can make it better, but I refuse to let myself get depressed over it. There's a writer inside of me wanting to come out and I am going to cram and study and work and write until I find my voice. I love writing for children. Someday I will be up there with the best [well, almost the best Grin] But, the point I guess I am trying to make is don't ever give up! Your stories are a very much needed source because there is no one quite as unique as you are with what you write in the whole wide world! Just take a breather and start all over again, and again, and again. Get my point. I enjoy writing not because of reviews, but because I HAVE TO. I can't not write. That is the way we should feel and just go with the flow.
PS I really do enjoy your work and by the way, my husband is totally deaf and can't read or write but taught himself a profession of painting cars. I am disabled after working thirty years in the labor force. I have arthritis so bad some days I must stay in bed, but some days I get to write. I am diebetic, have various allergies so can't get out much, plus high blood pressure, and could go on but I still feel truly blessed. God has helped me through prayer and Drs and has worked a real change in my spiritual life, the one that really matters. We don't have a lot of money either, but remember, He will provide. God bless you.
Reviewed by Myles Saulibio 7/19/2007
Don't have a pity party! Come to Afghanistan and see things through my eyes then have a bigger heart. For God's sake you are a Buckeye living in Texas and you and Karla have got what it takes :-)
Super charger---keep it going, never give up---you are about to experience a breakthrough. God's promises are tomorrow, waiting for you.
Aloha and Mahalo,
God Bless you and Karla---we need more windows and wind sails to the souls in Heaven
Reviewed by Denise Contreras 7/14/2007
Keep writing, writing is healing and your an insperation to others. It does not matter if people do not comment some times people just don't have time to comment on everything they read or we would be online for ever. I try to comment on what I read but there are times I do not have time to but it has nothing to do with not liking what I read. Write for yourself not for us.. Your a great writer so do not let other people stop you from doing what you like to do.
Sending Hugs Angela
Reviewed by Walt Hardester 5/23/2007
f_CK EM......
Reviewed by Phyllis Jean Green 5/21/2007
Believe it or not, I feel for you!! Don't have a physical disability, but. . .no, I'm not going to make this about me. You deserve better!! {Will say that I have been fortunate enough to work very closely with people [ages 1 month to 99 years!} who were born with disabling conditions or developed them due to injury, stroke, or illness {or combinations thereof}. Often we spent enough time together -- and under such circumstances -- that we became
friends. Those friendships changed my life!! Writing and all it entails have brought me other friends [:)}who happen to be disabled. None allow themselves to be defined by disability!! Far from it!! )

**********You have done such a wonderfuljob**********of describing your reaction to the way you have been treated. I hope you will consider e-mailing that portion of your article to the editors of Diverse City Press care. Tell them I sent you, if you like. URL's www.diverse-citypress Both editors actively promote better understanding and total integration into the mainstream, and although they are especially dedicated to seeing that people who are mentally retarded receive the respect and opportunities they deserve, Dave Hingsberger, in particular, is very passionate about the concerns you express. He is a very effective advocate. Internationally! He knows whereof you speak!!

I am going to hush now. Need to check and see if Diverse City is still using the same Web address. Used to be in regular contact. . .

GO, Texas Tornado, GO~!!

Love you!

'Pea' <3
Reviewed by Michelle Kidwell Power In The Pen 5/2/2007
I get frustrated at times at myself but I then remember why I write the way I write and its not about reviews on a former site I belonged to, I wrote the same kind of stories and got purely hateful reviews, but that didn't stop me, although at times I wanted to stop instead it pushed me harder, keep writing, you will always have one reader and reviewer
God Bless
Reviewed by Jibril Mohamed 4/27/2007
First, disability is not inability. You are very strong, smart, intelligent, gifted and reasonable. I personally love reading your literature and that of Karla. I'd love to continue reading your wisdom. Please don't stop writing. By the way, not all people who read your stories review them. Just check on the number of times that Karla's den gets hit. This tells you about the traffic on that site. Many people are reading your wisdom. But they may not leave comments. Please stay stong Karen.
Thank you.

Reviewed by Jeanette Cooper 4/27/2007
Karen, I don't know if this will help, but here are a list of sites where one can post articles. A lengthy explanation came with the sites, but it was too long to post here.


Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 4/19/2007
Let it out sis....the only way to get it outa you!!

I jnow I have quilty of not always getting to every one the last few days...but life is just not my friend these to run around for piggyfood three times a day now...driving in and out to town..taking up alot of my time on AD. I am sure you noticed i cannot even post something new everyday because it will be the same old sad me over and over again....grrrrrr!!

Now you kisten to DOC tink....take time off if you feel you need that...but don't you dare stop writing okay!!

Warm hugs Tinka
Reviewed by Randall Barfield 4/18/2007
there are no losers, heart; only losing situations--that's what i believe and so do some others. take your rest as another one advised. and in her wisdom, Lady J says it: don't go by numbers--they'll fool you every time. a sincere review is worth 10, 20 or more as she says (talks). u know where strength comes from and u have strength--just ask for a bit more. a hug
Reviewed by Gwendolyn Thomas Gath 4/18/2007
Give God the praise and glory and the rest will take care of itself!

Reviewed by Joyce Devenish 4/18/2007
Dear Karen Lynn,
You get far more comments than most of us. Count mine when I get any to count. Don't go away, you would be saddly missed. Bless you, hugs...Joyce
Reviewed by Jessica Lark 4/18/2007
Hi Karen,
I'd just like to say that I agree with the other comments made here, especially Mr Ed. I have been disheartened with the amount of reviews I've received but then I am reminded why I write in the first place.
Like you I see myself as a fiction writer, yet recently I have written nothing but poetry. This is because writing poems really helps me when it comes to dealing with my problems.
I am grateful to those who have taken the time to read my work, but I know that even if nobody did, I would still write, I love to write and sometimes I need to.
Be strong and continue to do whatever it is that makes you happy.
Many hugs
Reviewed by Mr. Ed 4/18/2007
First, I can really feel your frustration, Karen; I've been there many times.

Second, Congrats on 75 reviews on a poem! I am duly impressed. I think the most I ever got was about 30. And on my short stories and articles, I'm lucky if I get about 5. And I usually get the least number of reviews on posts I'm extremely proud of!

But I figured out a long time ago that none of us in Author's Den is ever going to get rich writing. If we were best selling authors, or famous poets, or 'in demand' highly paid story tellers, we probably wouldn't even be here writing and posting; we'd be off penning our next best seller, or off buying our next mansion somewhere.

I know you'd love to have a million readers in your efforts to help the disabled, and I know I'd love a million readers in my efforts to help animals - but it just ain't gonna happen - for any of us - here in old AD, no matter what anyone says. I give away more books than I ever sell - and I continue to lose money, yet I write on - Why? Because I really like to write.

So, I now write for myself, and I usually feel much better after writing something that I feel is important to me, or humorous to me - and if I get some nice reviews - that's a bonus.

And we all also need breaks from our writing, which it sounds like you do. Take a nice relaxing break if you feel the need, and I truly hope you continue to write, if that's what you truly want to do. I'll keep reading you!

Reviewed by LadyJtalks LadyJzTalkZone (Reader) 4/18/2007
Karen, Some of stories/journals I have read. The topics and content would be good reading for others who are going through the same problems/challenges in their lives. I usually don't write a comment on the ones that I do read because these are journal stories which I'm not going to critique them for that reason. If it was a story line or plot and you wanted advice from readers it would be a different story.

There are even poems I read each day that I don't comment on. That is my decision at that moment. I don't have to like or relate to everything that is written. As the other said, writing is something you have to do for yourself, find a way to heal from it, and take breaks when you need to, yet to judge yourself by how many replies you get to your work. If you get one heart felt one it's better the ten that don't really care either way. Lady J
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 4/18/2007

Getting mad about having a disability isn't going to solve things. Quitting because you have a disability isn't going to solve things. I know you're tired; so am I, but I am not going to give up. PERIOD. Keep writing; keep doing; don't let your disability have your pride. Please???? Dammit, I'm crying--you know I care, you know many people here on the Den care.

(((HUGS))) and love, Karla.
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart 4/18/2007
Karen you are normal, you are just a bit more challenged than some are and that only serves to make you stronger. I have no answers about the number of reads or comments. I do know everyone is too busy in their lives and reading poetry takes less time than short stories. I hope you won't leave, even though you are hurting and frustrated. You are respected and loved Sweet Friend. Felix is right, hang in there and continue to write for yourself that's what it's really about to the heart of true writers, be they storytellers or poets. Rejoice in your giftedness and let what others do or think not be something that deters you from what makes you fill fulfilled and happy. I love you Sweet Friend.
Reviewed by Felix Perry 4/18/2007
We all must feel the need to vent sometimes and I hope that your rant is just that. You do have talent and you are a writer but you must learn that you write for yourself first and everyone else does not matter. Karen you know you are popular on the den but you do not need the reviews to tell you just need to listen to your friends. You are a prolific writer and the amount of work you post is amazing but you must know that to keep up and review every single write that we all do on here especially the short stories would be impossible. I have never gotten over thirty reviews I think on one write since I have been here but the ones I do get a treasure with all my heart and that is what we do as writers appreciate our fans and write from our hearts.

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