Don't hide from Depression
Help is close

Startling statistics reveal an estimated 20 percent of us may suffer depression at some time in our life. We are all vulnerable....I know.

My first experience with depression was 3 years ago now, I was at home recovering from a successful brain operation. No longer suffering from debilitating epileptic seizures I should have been overjoyed. Why were my thoughts of a dark, depressive nature? I struggled with this question (unable to answer). My mind consumed with worthlessness, depression had entered my life.

Instead of seeking help, I masked my inner feelings in an attempt to shield my family from the truth. When my emotional state became too intense, I would hide from my wife and children. Going into my studio in our garden, I created a self-imposed isolation from reality. While sitting alone my mind was absorbed with an unrelenting dislike for myself.

As a man, overpowering feelings of guilt ran through every artery of my body -- ferociously -- tugging at my heartstrings. My thought process was one of sheer disgust with myself. Hiding from my own family tortured me deeply. Where did the loving, supportive, husband and father go? I searched for answers without success.

The lonely hours spent in the studio increased as each day and night passed. Sitting in my old dusty chair I gazed despairingly out of the window, unable to see a positive solution in sight. During this time my wife often pleaded with me to seek help. Ashamed, and strangely believing I deserved to feel this way, I refused.

As evening approached I switched my table light on and started to write. The words I scribbled were of a highly self-critical nature. In the small hours of the morning the studio was a very lonely place to be. I would often tilt my head and see my reflection.....the face staring back at me was that of a ghost. Loving my family I tried to justify my existence. However, the deeper I searched, the more I believed everyone would benefit without me.

Another day or so passed, still in the studio, I saw the face of a deeply distressed beautiful young lady standing in the doorway. I vividly remember the day as the look of hurt was etched deeply on my wife's face. Overcome we both began to cry. "Stuart, please, please, just get into the car," she said with sorrow. "Yes sweetheart, I'm terribly sorry" I stuttered as we both wiped tears off our faces.

We drove to our local doctor's surgery where we were both quickly escorted into one of the consulting rooms. My doctor asked, "Why have you taken this long to see me, Stuart?" My feelings were a mixture of shame and disappointments. I replied in an ultra subdued tone, "I'm very sorry, my situation got out of control." The three of us openly discussed the disturbing events, and I was prescribed antidepressant medication.

Leaving the surgery I felt as though a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The fact that my condition was out in the open came as a great relief.

Having experienced depression, more than once, and gaining the knowledge of how rapid the condition can overpower you and take total control.....please don't struggle alone. Help is close by.

Talk to a friend, family, anyone!......

Thank you for taking the time to read my article; depression is a killer!!