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Alan D Busch

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As The Ninth Year Approaches ... Yom Yom
by Alan D Busch   
Rated "G" by the Author.
Last edited: Monday, October 19, 2009
Posted: Monday, October 19, 2009

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Grieving day by day is easier than grieving the years gone by.

I count the number of days gone by since i last saw Ben. This year on the day before Thanksgiving or the 24th day of the current Hebrew month Marcheshvan will mark the three thousand, two hundred and eighty-fifth day of living without my son Benjamin.

I live my life day by day. I raised my children day by day. I bless The One Above "yom yom". Why then does it seem so odd to count the days, as opposed to the years, since last I spoke to and touched Ben? What is the difference?

Nine years is the sum of three thousand two hundred eighty five days. i don't grieve for Ben once a year, the nine yahrzeit candles i will have lit do not accurately reflect what i will have experienced each day since three thousand, two hundred, eighty-five days ago.

Counting days permits me to grieve tangibly. i don't want to put it behind me. i live each day of my life with that day in front of my eyes. I draw closer to Ben each day i count.

"Nine years ago" seems so far away. There is no way to retrieve that time gone by. You cannot "hold" a year but a day ...? It's not that i can somehow juggle three thousand two hundred eighty-five days at once. i can't and don't. i hold onto each day by itself. Carrying a day is something each of us can do. A year is too heavy. It drags you down as you try to drag it along.

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Reviewed by Micki Peluso 10/19/2009

This is a wonderful aricle. I know what you mean and it's been 28 years for me--can't imagine the days!! Yet I still grieve and always will. I think writing articles and our books keeps our children alive for us--and I want that. I don't want a day to come when I can't remember her face or things she said and did.

Well done

all my best,

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