Kid comes walking in after the obligatory 6th grade horrors of sex education.  She has  a pad, a tampon and a booklet and looks confused until she looks at me and then she looks disgusted.

"Eyuuu, what's wrong with choo? " me with wrinkly nose.  The hormone fairy has invaded my home full force in the last couple months and the spritey b**** needs to get her sprinkling done and get the f*** OUT.

"According to what I learned in Health class today." gulp and gag she goes, "You did the nastee to have me and Una." gag and gag some more.

"Now what moron told you that?" I excell at innocence.

"The health teacher who has a PHd in Education and Biology."

"She's an idiot.  Now go get to doing your homework." will it be as simple as that?  Of course not, stupid school.

"Do you remember last year when you were making a dash from the bedroom to the bath in your thong and I told you to hurry up so ******(the poor, innocent male who has to abide me shall remain anonymous) doesn't see you and you said o, puhlease, and I asked, he doesn't see you like that does he and you said eyuuuu, no, well I don't think you were being honest with me." god, they have a memory like an Elephant.

"Well you are entitled to believe what you like." snuffle nostrils high in air and effect offense.

"Mommy." frustrated now, "You HAD to do the nastee to have me and Una!"

"No I didn't.  I could very well be an advanced form of human who is more then adept at parthenogenesis. But instead of asking me intelligent questions you come traipsing in with all your preconcieved, no pun inteneded, ideas."

"Parthawhat?" oogle eyes.

"Parthenogenesis, chick!  Asexual reproduction. Parthenogenesis (from the Greek ----?--???? parthenos, "virgin", + --??----?? genesis, "creation") is an asexual form of reproduction found in females where growth and development of an embryo or seed occurs without fertilization by malesThe offspring produced by parthenogenesis are almost always female in species where the XY chromosome system determines gender. And that's why you and Una are females and have no brothers. So there, miss smarty pants."

Oggle, disbelieveing eyes. "You seriously do not expect me to buy that, do you mom?" hands on hips and that deep sigh that is infamous for getting deep into every parents' nerve cells until they develope the twitch.

"Well, if you are unhappy with that option, you, you can tell everyone you're an immaculate conception and babeeeJesus is a distant cousin."

Mouth wide open resembling a guppy out of water.

"And tell your teacher to keep her opinions to herself.  And by the way I think maybe you should be home schooled."

Jaw on floor, eyes half out of skull.

"We can hang out all day and I can correct all the erronous material you are fed in school."

Closes mouth, sucks eyes back in skull.  "I'll pick parthenogenesis." defeated she shambles for cookies on the table.

"What's wrong with being the messiah's cousin?"

Side eye.  I think I pushed my mommy powers of persuasion over the edge.  I shut up and have a cookie.

"Parthenogenesis it is, my little invertebrae."

TheEnd

carry on